Recently I asked some younger single Christian women about their relationships and goals with God and others. I’m not “younger”, but I’m a single Christian woman, and I figure I ought to answer my own questions.
So here I am, for better or worse…
1. How old are you? 43
2. Are you in a relationship? If yes, how long? No.
3. How long have you been Christian? What does that mean to you?
I’ve known God my whole life, but my personal relationship with Him took hold about 16 years ago. Being a Christian means God is always first. I trust Him, no matter what. As a Christian, I live by certain standards, and try to reflect His will for peace and love and salvation in my everyday actions. It definitely means I’m forgiven, and always will be.
4. How many “serious” relationships have you been in? What does “serious” mean to you?
I’ve had many “boyfriends”, but I count only three as “serious”. To me, serious means when I’m with him, I plan for the future, I put him first. It’s not just about the here-and-now, but it’s about goals and dreams and planning on being together. Serious also means letting my guard down, and letting him see me at my worst, but always trying to be my best. It means expecting the best of him, and working together to be the best people we can be together, and as individuals.
5. What are you looking for in a relationship?
*See “serious” above. I’m also looking for someone who is already a strong Christian; who can come alongside me and help me be the Christian that God wants me to be. A guy who wants to share his life with me every day, no matter what, but also gives us each time to be individuals. Definitely someone who has the traits of a good, old-fashioned, come home every night and kiss me kinda guy.
6. Are you influenced by any of the following when thinking of marriage (Please answer yes or no to EACH, if “yes”, how much [i.e., 25%], and give a brief reason why/why not)?:
a. TV/Movies: Yes. 20%. Because it’s so prominent.
b. Books: No. I don’t read romance novels.
c. Fairy Tales: Yes. 10%. A girl’s first glimpse of love.
d. Parents: Yes. 15%. Their example, good or bad.
e. Siblings: No.
f. Church: Yes. 90%. My favorite people go to church. It’s solid. Trustworthy. A safe place. This is what I want for me and my future husband. Even with the other influences, church weighs in with (or against) them, and sets the standard.
g. School (teachers, classes): No.
h. Friends: Yes. 20%. I love their examples, and stories.
i. Experience: Yes. 25%. I carry past hurts that caution me.
7. What are the three main things you want in a relationship?
Godly growth, a best friend, stability (security/safety/longevity).
8. What do you want to avoid in a relationship?
Being codependent; or worse, too independent.
9. What do you think are your strengths and weaknesses for a relationship?
I tend to lose myself in a guy; I devote so much time and attention at first to him, that my home life suffers. When I get my feet back under me, I change from clingy to a little independent; and it changes the game for him. I often find ways to help people reach their goals or become the better person they want to be; so while this is a good thing, at times it means I turn into his secretary or conscience, instead of girlfriend.
10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.
11. What boundaries do you have for your relationships (no kissing, no sex, etc…)? I haven’t been in a relationship for several years. I’d like to think I can still put up boundaries out of respect for God and each other; but actually I think fear of intimacy would be the real reason.
12. ESSAY TIME: Write your Heart out. Literally. What do you want to share with the world? What great stories to tell, what questions still unanswered? Any advice for other single young Christian females? Any role models to talk about?
I have a history of heartbreak. I don’t trust myself with guys. I’m so afraid of getting hurt, or losing my independence. I’m afraid he won’t love my child, or his won’t love me. I have some great date stories, but those are for me and my heart. I would advise single Christian females of any age to know what they want, don’t “experiment” with dating just to find out if you like a certain type of guy. And don’t let him try to get you to compromise what you KNOW is YOU. Compromise is necessary, but don’t fundamentally change who you are. I’d rather be me and alone than with a guy who doesn’t get me… in any manner.
It is good to fine-tune but do not do so to the extent that you are left with a pebble. Yes knowing what you want and what you don’t want is a good starting point. Just remember to let God steer you to who he wants you to be with, this may not match your picture of the guy you want.