I’m listening to the Partridge Family. I love David Cassidy! His younger brother Shaun, was my first crush. I remember it so dearly. It was the summer between fourth and fifth grade, when some girls were becoming more mature and leaving the rest of us behind. The summer when boys began to notice, but nobody was really sure what they were noticing. We just were aware they were there… and they still had cooties, but a different sort. It was the summer when we giggled every time my older brother’s friend came around and said “hi”. And I would go to my room, put on the record, look at Shaun’s picture, and wish beyond all hope that my name was Deanie.
Some days I wish love and life were still that simple. Full of promise, dreams, and the unknown. Now it’s full of memories, fears, and the unknown. But I refuse to let that stop me. I’m not in fourth grade. I’m in my forties. And I find no fear or shame in that. I am exactly who I am, and exactly where I am supposed to be. And I’m totally okay with that. I’m okay with still eating cookies and milk. Drinking Pepsi. Watching 80’s shows. Singing along with the Bee Gees and Barry Manilow. But I know there’s more.
I often tell my daughter, “Fear is not a good reason not to do something”. So what keeps holding me back from living outside my house and work? Money? Okay. Less individual Starbuck’s. More friend dates. Time? Scheduling does wonders. Get off that facebook game! Rejection? Ha! How can I possibly be rejected when nobody’s given the chance? And who’s to say, if they are given the chance, that I wouldn’t be accepted instead?
My friend Cris inspires me. Often. She struggles with health issues on a regular basis, but she keeps her chin up. She’s always full of love and happiness and dreams. Yeah. I want to be like that!
Step One: Stop being afraid.
Step Two: Step out. Get out and do something.
Okay. So here goes. I’ve been climbing up this ladder too long, too slowly now. It’s time to jump off. So I did. I subscribed to ChristianMingles.com today. Can you hear the splash?
In my high school years, my crush was George Michael before… well before I knew he could never like me in that way. His talent led to great hits like “Faith” and “Careless Whisper”, but my favorite is “I Knew You Were Waiting For Me” with Aretha Franklin.
That runs a close second to the Backstreet Boys’ “As Long As You Love Me”.
I’m not trying to regain my youth. I’m not out to repair broken dreams. I’m out to find new ones. I believe in myself. I believe in God’s design. I believe in learning about people and places. And I believe in writing about it all. Here.
So maybe an internet dating site isn’t exactly stepping out, but it’s certainly opening up to possibilities I’ve otherwise ignored. It took some newfound bravery (and a nudge from Cris!) to make it ‘official’. (The 25% off email helped, too… hey, a girl’s gotta save!)
And for that, I deserve a cookie. And a song. Hey everybody! C’mon, Get Happy!