I recently asked my trusted women friends who are married some questions about their relationships, past and present. I don’t pretend to know everything, and there’s nothing helpless about asking for help.
So here’s the down-and-dirty from Woman No. 1, in her own words:
1. What does being Christian mean to you?
Being Christian means that I have a very personal relationship with God and that I can tell Him anything and everything, unload my burdens, cares, worries… tell Him my joys, share everything without worrying about it.
2. Were you both Christian when you were married?
No – as a matter of fact, we were both lost.
3. How did that affect the choices you made in your relationship, both before and after the wedding?
I have always had a strong sense of right and wrong due to being raised in so many different religions. It was important to me to have certain things included in my wedding ceremony as well as have future questions answered. The pastor who married us was a black man (my step-dad is quite the Archie Bunker type and Jewish – needless to say he was quite surprised at our choice of who married us) and required us to attend some premarital classes before he would marry us. In one of the classes he asked ‘why are you marrying this person?’ He also asked us difficult questions, such as our expectations from each other. Quite the eye opener for someone who hadn’t thought that far ahead.
4. How long have you been married?
We have been married since 1999, but together since 1994. I was burned pretty badly on the first marriage and needed to make sure he wasn’t going to change when we lived together. Took me 5 years (yes, I’m a bit stubborn!).
5. Did you know right away that he was “the one” for you, or did that feeling grow?
There was a spark in the beginning of our relationship. It took me a while to admit that he was the one.
6. How long:
a. From the day you met until you were seriously dating? 2 weeks
b. From the day you started “dating” until you were engaged? 4 years
c. From engagement to wedding? approx1 year – takes forever to plan a wedding!
7. What is your favorite story about your relationship?
There are too many to list
8. What struggles/situations did you go through before you met your husband, that significantly impacted your relationship with him?
I was hurt emotionally and physically by my first husband. I was also a single mother after my divorce. These were major impacts with my relationship with my other half.
9. Do you have children? If yes, how do you balance being a parent with being a spouse? Being a parent is a snap when you have a spouse like mine. He doesn’t hesitate to do anything… from when there were diapers, baby puking, cleaning the house, cat boxes, seizures…. there is NOTHING my hubby won’t do to help me or the family.
10. How many prior relationships did each of you have before finding each other? What have those past relationships taught you?
Prior relationships have made me into the person I am today. It is difficult to pin down exactly what another did to influence this relationship. I would rather think that this is a new relationship where each issue is unique unto itself and should be dealt with as something new – not something drug up from the past.
11. What is the one thing that you hope the world at large notices about your marriage?
I hope the world notices how lucky I am. I pray every day that other people can find their missing half. My hubby is the one who completes me. Where I am weak, he is strong and vice versa. It is an absolutely amazing feeling to have….
12. How have your views on relationships changed from the time you were a teenager, young adult, in past relationships, to now?
Maturity and learning what is really important in life help to change the views on relationships. As a teen it was all about acceptance. As a young adult it was about who could keep up with me; partying, having a good time. Now it’s all about that one person.