Why I Cry for TJ Lane

Mar 2, 2012

It’s not the first time such a tragedy has shattered its way into our living rooms, our lives. Unfortunately, we also know it won’t be the last.

The news broke sparsely at first: another school shooting. Another random victim. Another suspect at large.

The information trickled in slowly and even now, days later, the aftermath is still confusing, still missing pieces.

But what I think I know, based on what the media has told me, is this:

TJ Lane was bullied.
He grew up with rough parents.
He didn’t get the help he obviously so desperately needed.
He took a gun to school.
And he killed Daniel Parmertor, Demetrius Hewlin, and Russell King, Jr, as well as wounded several other students.

He fled the scene, was pursued, surrendered and is going to be tried for murder.

Please don’t misunderstand what I’m going to say. Because I believe there should be legal and civil consequences for criminal action, especially when such actions result in the ultimate price. I believe there needs to be justice for the murders he committed.

But something about TJ’s story, as I’ve heard it so far, has brought me to tears.

I often see sadness in the news these days; but this story is different. I let myself feel more deeply. I let myself cry without caution. I don’t want to be strong against this fear and sadness. I don’t want to be desensitized to this type of situation or immune to these emotions.

I don’t want to stop thinking, if only…

I think he never really had a chance. I think he was doomed from birth to live in tragedy. I think he was discarded and not paid attention to when it should have been critical to listen to him. I think he was taught at a very young age to not ask for help. I think he learned a twisted lesson about what’s right and wrong, and he learned it far too late.

I think too many people put in half an effort and not enough people put in a full one. I think, ultimately, he was just alone, a lonely guy with no one to help or direct him.

I can’t imagine the horrors, the agony, the numbness that would drive a young man to feel he had no voice to be heard except the bang of his bullets. What evils could well up inside him to the point of taking such drastic actions? Was there any point when he had the tiniest glimmer of hope that he’d be caught and stopped? How lonely was he, how lost, to have planned out such cold-blooded slaughter of other kids?

And for the loneliness that I think he must have felt for most of his life, I cry. I cry a lot. I cry for the boy he never was, and the man he will never be. I cry not for the loss of his childhood, but for the obvious absence of it.

A healthy, well-adjusted, mentally stable person doesn’t wake up one morning and shoot people. This was a chaos in the making for many, many years. And I cry. Because someone, somewhere, must have seen something. And didn’t care.

And all he wanted was someone to care.

And I cry for the three students who died as a result of his downfall. That they suffered for hours, being worked on and hooked up and unplugged. How hard they labored for their breaths. How softly their families sobbed for them.

I can’t imagine the emotions any of them felt that day and continue to feel.

Because I’m so far removed from the situation. I’m on the other side of the nation. I’ve never experienced anything like this. I’m not personally connected.

But I’m personally affected.

There’s a world of hurt in TJ Lane and what he’s done.

And for him, and his victims, and even the survivors who have to live in the aftermath ~ I cry. And I keep crying.

And I hope I always will.

And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!

Sweeten my tea and share:

Meal Memo in a Jar

Mar 1, 2012


I’m not always good at meal planning. I forget to defrost the meat in time. Some days I’m too hungry to wait an hour or more for cooking. I get so busy that I just throw quick things together.

And you know what? I hate it. I had the three-week virus-turned-cough that drained any energy from me for days on end. February was also an otherwise busy month and I missed having dinners ready shortly after Dot got home from school. The kind that also provides those really good leftovers instead of “whatever-you-can-find” foods. Some days I didn’t cook at all and we opted for the semi-healthy fish taco take-out … or worse. Fast food at its finest.

And you know what? I. Hated. It.

I know I have enough in my dry goods pantry and in the freezer to make meals for the month. To be good at it would just take a little strategic planning. And fun.

So here we go.

Invariably, whenever I make a monthly meal plan, it gets waylaid by Day Ten. Things come up. Plans change. And the refrigerated meat I bought three days earlier is now starting to turn. Eww, right?!

So I came up with this great idea. One that will add family fun to the March meals. One that will make sure I take the meat out of the freezer in time. One that incorporates side dishes too.

First, I made sure whatever foods I bought at the first of the month could either be frozen or stored in the pantry. I also kept an “allowance” available for the periodic fresh shopping throughout the month.

Then I had to figure out how many meals to plan for. This is where my basic math skills come into play. Let’s see… 31 days in March. But we don’t always eat together at home. At least once a week, we eat at my mom’s. Twice a month we also eat out. That’s six days.  About half of these meals will allow for next-day leftovers. So 31 minus six divided by two less leftovers… that’s just over two weeks worth of meals to really plan out. Round it up to three weeks to include a change of plans or extra meals for company… Hey, I can do that!

To make things more fun, I took some colored index cards and cut them in half. On each one, I wrote a main dish and side dish. For those meals that require fresh produce, I made a note on the bottom of the card so I’d be sure to stop at the store that day. I also noted whether this meal should provide leftovers (also good to know for the days we’re having company).


Once I started, I was amazed at how little time and effort it took to really make a meal plan for an entire month!

My plan is, each morning before we leave the house, I’ll let Dot pull a card from the Meal Jar, and whatever that card says is what I make for dinner that night. No exceptions. No trades. And no more excuses about not defrosting the meat on time. [The only exception would be if we’re having company which would necessitate a meal that offered more servings such as possible leftovers.]

With a little decorative label and a ribbon, my jar will be as pretty as it is functional.

I’m looking forward to a month of healthy, thought-out, ready to cook meals.

And you know what? I think I’m gonna love it.

And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!

Sweeten my tea and share: