What if I’m Not Good Enough? This question haunts me every day. Why haven’t I achieved my dreams, my goals? What if I have the wrong dreams? What if I’m not good enough to accomplish that which I live for?
Everyone says, “All things in good time,” or some sappy rendition of that sentiment. But what if that’s not it? What if the reason is not because it’s not the right time, but rather, because I’m the wrong person?
Why do I run from the Open Door instead of going through it? Why am I hesitant to grab the Golden Ring? No one else can stand up on my Merry-Go-Round and get it for me. It’s my Merry-Go-Round.
I’m well aware that I keep going ‘round in circles; I keep rising and falling. But I keep rising again. And my reach is getting higher. My strength is getting better. I’m learning which beasts bring me down, and which horses hold me high.
So why do I see in me the failures that others notice? Why, instead, do they not notice my successes? And then it dawned on me: My successes are private. My failings are public.
When times are difficult, I vent. I ask for help. I call my VIP and claim a Girl Date at Starbucks. But when I succeed, I don’t like to brag. I don’t toot my own horn. I wait for others to notice. And sometimes they don’t.
Sometimes I celebrate in silence.
Sometimes I get stuck in my ways and consider others’ opinions as just that: opinions. Suggestions that I don’t have to follow. Ideas that I don’t have to pay attention to. I’m stubborn that way. I get it from my father.
I know failure is a part of the process. I have to discover what doesn’t work in order to come up with the Winning Formula. But sometimes I know people don’t see that part. They see the failings. And they keep seeing the failings. And refuse to see me grow.
They see the Baby Steps, not the sprint, not the marathon. They see the Stumbles, not the Standing.
And it hurts. It hurts because I’m so much more than what I used to be. I’m not saying others are keeping me down. But they aren’t helping me up, either. These are not people I can dismiss, either. You know who I’m talking about: sometimes we all have to do a little closet-cleaning and get rid of the things (people) that no longer fit, that are basically useless to us. They may still be in good condition and beneficial to others, or they may just be so worn out they’re no good for anything. These are not those people. These are people I treasure, adore, and still need. Extended family. Church friends. People I admire and want to share my life with.
But some of them have Blinders on. And I’ve done nothing to remove them. I see them only when I’m needy, only when I’m hurting, only when I’m alone and lonely.
No wonder they haven’t seen me succeed. I won’t let them.
It’s time to Change the Game. It’s time to scream it from the rooftops and not be ashamed. It’s no small task to reach a great goal, and I’m choosing not to hide it.
I am Good Enough. And I’m only getting better.
You can call me a narcissist if you want to, but someone has to be my Number One Cheerleader. It may as well be me… right?!
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!