My (im-)Perfect Identity
(Or, How Someone Else’s Questionnaire Led Me to Decide Who I Want to Be)
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NOLA NOTE: Before we get into today’s post, here’s the update: Just after I received the second round of edits last month, my trusted Babycakes II laptop had a nutty. After years of this wonderful relationship, it said, “I’m not liking you any more. I wanna break up. Or, at least, I just want to break.” Now, of course, bein’ the sweet talkin’ Bohemian Belle that I am, I very politely convinced it back into my lovin’ arms. [Read: After a glass of wine and some not-nice words, I salvaged what I could and continued.] Y’all know when you’re in a bad relationship but you just don’t want to own it? Here I was, thinking BCii was back on track. Treasuring our moments together, saving them for posterity. Until … scene jump to two weeks later. BCii and I are on the sofa watching some NCIS: New Orleans, of course. And it whines. And whistles. Mind you, I hadn’t even poked it for a few hours. So this calamitous noise was a little disconcerting. I took a look, asked what its problem was, and it didn’t respond. Zoiks! Insert crazywriterwoman face here! So the next day, I took it to the vetdoctoriStore and when I explained its attitude, the nice man behind the counter agreed it was time to date up. So I conveniently dropped BCii like the hot potato it had become, and got me a new Babycakes. Say hello to BCiii. After all the important information was transferred, I brought BCiii home only to discover BCii had, in its rebellious anger, corrupted the last two weeks of work. So. All those wonderful, genius edits my editor called out? I get to do some of them again. Let me finish by saying, I love NOLA. I love that BCiii loves NOLA, too. But I especially love my note-saving, text-reading, memory-keeping iCloud. Pray for me, y’all. This is a lot of work I hadn’t planned on redoing. This, and with the new day job, the finished product will be a little later than hoped for. But I’ll do it. Because Rain and Josie are worth it. And so are you, my Swarm. I’d love to have y’all join my private Facebook group for more information, memes, and all-around fun. You can join on Facebook by clicking here: NOLA Swarm.Stick around and see what happens . . .
I’ll be attending a writing intensive soon. The kind where the class is limited so the instructors can give one-on-one focus to the participants. The kind where they email you a questionnaire like the CIA is recruiting you for dark web espionage kind of skills. Okay, not really. But, almost. These questions lead you through a list of self-identifiers that are supposed to help you learn more about yourself, so you can learn more about how to present yourself to the world. Questions like, “What kind of music do you listen to?” (All kinds. Almost.) “What were your favorite books as a child?” (All of them. Especially with female heroines.) “How much coffee do you drink daily?” (Uhm, a lot.) “Do you like going to the movies?” (Does anyone not like going to the movies? If so, don’t answer. Just delete. Because we can’t be friends.)
Seriously, Ketchup Man. These are some personally invasive get-to-know-you questions that I don’t even ask on a first date. Well, okay. Maybe the movie and the coffee stuff. But then it gets grittier. Things like, “What do you want your audience to know about you?” “How do you want your audience to feel when they read your book?” “Who is your target audience?”
If I had all the answers, I wouldn’t need this questionnaire, or the class.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : My (im-)Perfect Identity
It’s all about writing, branding, writing, marketing, writing, identity, writing … wait. Identity? Are you serious?
I’ve been accused once or twice (or ten thousand times) of trying to be everything to everyone. Kinda reminds me of a scene in NOLA.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : My (im-)Perfect Identity – excerpt from NOLA by Molly Jo Realy
That doesn’t mean I don’t know who I am. It means I don’t always project it properly. Just recently I had the opportunity to discuss branding and identity with a client. I know. I’m a walking oxymoron. Truth is, we’re all good at giving advice, but we rarely seldom follow it. [I tried to find a video clip for Disney’s Alice in Wonderland singing “Very Good Advice”, but I couldn’t. Google it. You’ll get the picture.] I went through my normal tips of what makes a good marketing platform, how to claim your brand. And through the conversation, my muse kept dancing around in my mind, raising her hand and screaming, “I know! I know!”
Not wanting to claim your identity is not the same as not knowing it.
Thing is, I love all y’all. And I want to attract many, many more of you. So I tone it down. I chameleonize. But if I’m the one writing the script, if I’m being true to myself, you’ll see that, yah? I’m my best self when I’m, well, my best self. Authenticity is better than schmoozing with people you’re not sure you want to hang with after hours, amiright? Well, it’s the same principle IRL (Mom, that means “In Real Life”), and in your inner circles. You gotta trust them the accept you, and you gotta accept the ones you trust.
Networking is a two-way street. I don’t care what the subject is. High school girls at a coffee shop? Oliver and Lauren in Alrujah? Gypsies dancing on cobblestone? Steve Jobs recruiting computer builders? You have to know who you are, you have to own it, before you can ask someone else to invest in your world.
Once you own it, you have to live it.
How do you do that? Your brand should incorporate the part of you that’s easy to display, that draws others in. If you’re always the one at the coffee shop, I’m thinking a mug might be a good symbol. Are you a mechanic? Don’t use a stethoscope. What about the living part? Well, part of you doing you is curating those catch-phrases you’re known for.
When I was young, my brother and I were fairly convinced his name was “Let’s” and mine was “We’ll.” Because every Saturday morning after breakfast, Mom would clap and say, “Okay, let’s vacuum and we’ll dust the living room.” Good marketing, Mom. You could have been a cleaning commercial.
There are a lot aspects that go into making you, You. Remember my analogy of the million-dollar mosaic. We’re all a little broken. It’s how we put ourselves back together to let the sun shine through that makes us valuable.
I recently watched The Greatest Showman for the first time. I know, I know. It took me a while. But once I did, holymaloly. I downloaded that soundtrack right away; been singing it ever since. Y’all, I’m not making this stuff up. Go listen to the song, The Other Side. And then you do you like nobody else. Here’s the official soundtrack link from YouTube:
I know what my brand is, and I’m ready to share it. But before I do, for grins and giggles, leave a comment and tell me what you think my branding should be. And what yours is.
With some Bohemian hair and a magnifying glass,
Happy Identity.
~Molly Jo
Frankly, My Dear . . . Savor the Journey!
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Bohemian Hurricane
Molly Jo is better known as the Bohemian Belle. She is the author/curator of The Unemployment Cookbook and several eBooks available on Amazon. Her work-in-progress, NOLA, is a full-length location mystery novel set in New Orleans, and the first in her City Series.
FiF Fans ~ our newest episodes have been posted. Don’t forget to follow the Firsts in Fiction Facebook Page (and say that five times fast!) for updates, topics, and your opportunity to Ask the Author!
My (im-)Perfect Focus
(Or, How I Learned to See a Better World With Blinders On)
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NOLA NOTE: Before we get into today’s post, I want to thank so many of you for your encouragement and support. I received the second round of edits recently and immediately quit writing and reached out to one of my mentors to pull me in from the ledge. Okay, okay. I’m exaggerating. A little. Hey, I’m a fiction writer. What do you expect? Well, it’s not that bad. It’s like exercise and changing your food habits. Your outward appearance may reflect a slight change, but it’s the inside change that counts. That’s where we’re at with NOLA. I’m still aiming for a pub date within two months. But I’d rather do it right than do it fast. I’d love to have y’all join my private Facebook group for more information, memes, and all-around fun. You can join on Facebook by clicking here: NOLA Swarm. Stick around and see what happens . . .
My friend Edie is an amazing photographer. Seriously. Y’all should follow Edie Melson on Instagram. She photographs images the rest of us walk past. Her eye is always seeking that which is beautiful. When she draws her camera up, I know to stand still and not get in her focus. She ignores the greater surroundings in order to capture one perfect view. Her posts are nothing less than extraordinary, but if you ask her, she’ll tell you she was captivated by the moment. She’ll say it’s not her, but the object, that makes it beautiful.
Life’s a little like that, isn’t it? We scurry around, waiting for someone to notice us. Trying to be a part of everything. But have you noticed, the most stunning photography captures a still moment? One click. One frame. One instant. A pause and a focus. Sure, in this day of digital, we get a lot of before’s and after’s. But still . . . that one shot.
It’s no secret I’m like a dog chasing a squirrel chasing a nut that rolled from the tree that grew in a forest . . .
O.M.G. Could it just stop, already?!
I love multitasking. It just doesn’t always love me back.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : My (im-)Perfect Focus
I recently attended ~ wait for it ~ another writers conference. Big surprise, amiright? Thing is, there’s always something to learn whether you’re a novice or accomplished, author/agent/editor/publisher, traditional or indie. [INDIE WRITER (n) ~ Translate for Mom: (a) Someone who has or intends to self-publish, (b) Someone who’s free-flowing spirit refuses to conform to traditional publishing guidelines, (c) Someone who embraces all aspects of writing and publishing in a confident, whirlwind fashion as is known to her friends as the Bohemian Hurricane . . . Hey, wait. That’s me!]
We were implored to ask God to give us individual word of how to move forward with our writing/editing/publishing/agenting careers. The first day, I had an inkling (see what I did there?), but it either wasn’t very clear or I wasn’t paying enough attention. Ooh. Coffee. What? I’m here. Continue on. I’ll pretend I heard everything.
Then God flung Himself at me with one word.
SELF.
Wait. Again with the what? Isn’t that counter-intuitive to what we’re taught as Christians? Aren’t we supposed to be self-less? Self-sacrificing? Self-denying?
I heard His explanation.
An empty cup cannot overflow.
You mean, it’s okay for me to focus on, well, just me?
Yes. It’s okay to say no, to stop multi-tasking, to self-publish, and to invest in myself. Creativity is a muscle to be strengthened, not atrophied. Any gift we give of ourselves is the same. We can’t pour so much of ourselves into others that we have nothing left. That is not the selfless love God has in mind.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : An empty cup cannot overflow.
Whatever gifts of love you have to offer the world, make sure you take time to enjoy them yourself. Focus. Refresh. Then you can overflow and share with others.
What gifts do you share with an overflowing cup? Leave a comment!
With some fresh grounds and bottomless cup,
Happy focusing.
~Molly Jo
Frankly, My Dear . . . Savor the Journey!
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Bohemian Hurricane
Molly Jo is a Southern Belle known to her friends as the Bohemian Hurricane. She is the author/curator of The Unemployment Cookbook and several eBooks available on Amazon. Her work-in-progress, NOLA, is a full-length location mystery novel set in New Orleans, and the first in her City Series.
Hey, FiF Fans ~ the Firsts in Fiction Podcast is returning soon! Follow the Firsts in Fiction Facebook Page (and say that five times fast!) for updates, topics, and your opportunity to Ask the Author!
My Perfect Valentine’s Day
(Or, How I Embraced My Independent Singleness and Lived My Love Out Loud)
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NOLA NOTE: Before we get into today’s post, I’m pleased to announce NOLA second draft is now at the editor’s desk (not mine!), and I’ve hired a book designer who is currently designing the cover, internal layout, and eBook specs. I don’t have a firm pub date yet, but it will be soon-ish! I’d love to have y’all join my private Facebook group for more information, memes, and all-around fun. You can join on Facebook by clicking here: NOLA Swarm. Stay tuned for publication updates . . .
~#~
Valentine’s Day is not one of my favorite days. The commercialism of lovemeloveme stuff? I’d rather not, thankyouverymuch. Okay, I’m sure if I had the opportunity to, you know, share it with someone, I’d feel different. But even then, I’m not so sure.
Don’t get me wrong, I love flowers, wine, and chocolate as much ~ if not more ~ as the next girl, but This Girl is also logical. I don’t go in for one-day-a-year Gooey Eyes. I just don’t. Now, spoil me regularly, and then we can talk. [Insert eye-roll here.]
So today I focused on what y’all now call “self-love.” I dunno how that phrase got started, but I’m cool with embracing it.
Today, after I got all dolled up, my non-boyfriend [translate: car I named after my protagonist, Rain] took me all over town. Instead of flowers, wine and chocolate, we stopped to get a post office box. A vehicle title. A driver’s license.
All in my new hometown. All for my new life.
Which I am loving more than I thought possible.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : My Perfect Valentine’s Day
It totally helped that it was a balmy day and I got to spend most of it with the windows down and the radio up. (Big surprise, right?)
Love comes in many forms. We all know this. But when it emanates with ebb and flow, in and out of us, to share with others, there’s a harmony, an unsung tune that only we can give music to. That’s life. That’s love.
There’s always something to celebrate. Channel your inner Pollyanna if you have to. Make a list. Sing it out loud.
Darlin’, there is always something to celebrate.
And today, I celebrate no longer living in California.
Today, I am officially a True Southerner.
So tonight, I enjoyed a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen, and watched Gone With the Wind.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : My Perfect Valentines Day with a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen
Yup. Today’s all about the Southern love.
How did you share love? Leave a comment!
With a new drawl and a pin in the map,
Happy living love.
~Molly Jo
Frankly, My Dear . . . Savor the Journey!
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Bohemian Hurricane
Molly Jo is a Southern Belle and known to her friends as the Bohemian Hurricane. She is the author/curator of The Unemployment Cookbook and several eBooks available on Amazon. Her work-in-progress, NOLA, is a full-length location mystery novel set in New Orleans, and the first in her City Series.
Nine Things XANADU Taught Me About Creative Endurance
(or, A Writer’s Review of a 38-Year-Old Movie a Lot of People Don’t Care About Anymore But Should)
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I really don’t know how the topic started. At a marketing conference recently, my new friend Jenn from Mixtus Media mentioned Xanadu. “Do you remember that movie?”
“Remember it?” I gasped. And then explained how just the day before I was rocking out in the elevator to the song “Whenever You’re Away From Me”. I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s a #truestory. [And here’s where I’m betting Beckie’s a little glad she wasn’t on this trip with me. That’s okay, Beckie. You know I still love you!]
Fast-forward to after the conference and some well-discussed Facebook posts and YouTube videos, and now the movie is in my Prime rental library for another two hours.
Shameless Admission:
I’ve already watched it three times.
And, yes.
Yes, I have sung each song out loud, each time.
Loudly.
Because I still know the soundtrack to XANADU by heart.
XANADU got me thinking about my creativity. I know, that’s a really weird thing to write. Because y’all know I’m inspired by sweet tea and Hemingway and O’Connor and peacocks and Van Morrison and frogs and zebras. None of which are in this 1980 roller skating fantasy world (unless you count the disco outfits. But I’d really rather not.).
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Nine Things XANADU Taught Me About Creative Endurance
Anyway . . . Besides reclaiming my youth and the let-it-loose elevator vocals, here are nine things XANADU taught me about being creative. I invite you to join the discussion.
Taking care of business does not mean you’re a creative failure. The movie opens with Sonny Malone (Michael Beck) returning to his job as a studio painter: he enlarges album covers for display in store fronts. He had walked away from this job to pursue his dream of becoming a “real” artist, but it didn’t work out. Once the pressure was on, the creativity was off. But Sonny was always a “real” artist. It was doing it full-time that shook his boots. So he went back to what he knew. Not as a failure (although for a time he thought so). His day job was a safe place where he could continue to hone his skills and bounce creative ideas off his team. (Note: I don’t recommend talking smack to your boss unless you have that sort of banter relationship. Definitely don’t encourage him to fire you unless you’re ready to walk.)
Support comes from many sources. There’s a phrase in the industry: Street Team. These are the people, personal and professional, who believe in you and want to help you succeed. They read your books, leave reviews, attend author events, give encouragement. Think of it as a positive posse. (I call y’all my Swarm, and you can join on Facebook by clicking here: NOLA Swarm.) In XANADU, Sonny’s Swarm starts when he meets Danny McGuire, the clarinet-playing old-timer (Gene Kelly), and then Kira (Olivia Newton-John), one of Zues’s nine daughters, or muses. Each contributes something different to Sonny’s life, but both believe in him even when he doesn’t believe in himself. They swarm to his side, along with his other friends and former coworkers.
Practice makes perfect. Sonny’s dream is to be a renowned artist. So whatever he’s doing, he practices. At work, he gets into trouble by spending too much attention to detail. He takes odd jobs where he can get them. He’s painted walls, vans, canvases. He never stops painting. So even if it’s not how he wants to do it, at least he is doing what he wants. And he keeps at it. He keeps getting better. And, even though he wants us to think he’s given up, he never really does.
Changing directions is not the same as stopping. His budding friendship with Danny and encouragement from Kira influence Sonny to co-own a night-club/disco/roller-skate hall with Danny. Through a lot of hard work, they find the perfect place: an abandoned building Kira likes to find her solace in. Sonny gets to transition his creativity to design the aesthetics of the club. But he doesn’t let it get in the way of his passion for painting.
Don’t discount what you don’t understand. Kira took human form when she and her eight muse-sisters released themselves from a city mural. She knew her mission, and she filled it with great joy: She skated (yes, skated. Hey, the movie was made in 1980, okay?) up to Sonny, gently kissed him, and vanished. Later in the movie, she admits to Sonny she’s not had human feelings before, and this love-thing is messy and painful. Sonny doesn’t believe her, of course. And when she returns to Zeus, it takes a pep talk from Danny for Sonny to go in search of her. He knows he needs her, even if he doesn’t understand where she came from. He finds a way to find her.
Don’t limit yourself to what others say. Sonny’s boss told him to stop being creative. Just do what was expected of him. But Sonny couldn’t do that. He couldn’t color inside the lines all day, every day. Kira awakened that creativity in him again, and he again found the passion to create more than album covers. When Kira left, it would be impossible by earthly standards for him to reach her. But he stopped listening to the laws of nature, and listened instead to his inner self. He always knew he could succeed. And now that he was aware again, he also knew he needed Kira. And he did whatever it took to find her.
Go to the source. But the rules of the gods held Kira with Zeus, and he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, let her go back to earth. I mean, sure, it’s pretty impressive that Sonny didn’t smash into bits when he skated full-force toward the mural of Kira and her sisters. But love doesn’t conquer everything. Sonny plead his case, but had to leave without Kira. Everyone’s hearts were breaking. The point is, Sonny didn’t stop until there was nowhere else to go.
Not seeing is still believing. Sonny was without Kira. He was without his muse, his love. He could still be a creative. He just didn’t want to. What Sonny didn’t know, was that Zeus and his wife, Hera, were having a conversation of their own. They saw the good in Sonny, and how Kira made him better. They saw how being without Sonny made Kira sad. She was no longer capable of being an inspiring muse. And, remembering from long ago (or was it just a few minutes?), what true love is, they gave Kira back to Sonny. Only he just didn’t know it yet.
Change with the times. Okay, can we break for a minute and just talk about the fashion in this movie? And the weird, NuWave neon-clad characters? How did anyone think Gene Kelly in a bright Zoot Suit was an awesome idea, if even for just a moment? My point is, peeps, the visuals would not be the same if the movie was made today. But the message is. Sonny’s dream was to be a painter. Throughout the movie, he achieved that, in different stages. Danny’s dream was to feel needed. He thought he’d missed out on love. But being needed and being loved isn’t only romantic. And Kira? She just wanted to inspire people. In the end, she did so much more than that. And she did it so well, she was given the freedom to stay.
What do you think?
I’d love to hear from you: Leave a comment below and tell me what movies still inspire your creativity.
With a wild soundtrack and some serious no-one-is-looking dance moves,
Happy Creating.
~Molly Jo
Frankly, My Dear . . . Savor the Journey!
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Bohemian Hurricane
Molly Jo is a Southern Belle and known to her friends as the Bohemian Hurricane. She is the author/curator of The Unemployment Cookbook and several eBooks available on Amazon. Her work-in-progress, NOLA, is a full-length location mystery novel set in New Orleans, and the first in her City Series.
God has never required us to be perfect to be in His presence.
In my mind I know this, but in my actions, my soul, my convictions . . . Well, that’s another story. Or another lie.
Frankly, On Faith . . . : My Imperfect Bible Reading
The enemy will use whatever he can to get to us, and that includes climbing inside our heads and making us think our thoughts are our own. But we can conquer those negativities one at a time.
When I chose to embrace my imperfections for this year, it opened up an attitude of joy. I’m no longer stressed or struggling to make everything “just right.”
It’s okay if my apartment is messy or I didn’t wash the car last week. I don’t have to balance the budget every day, and ice cream once in a while is good for my mood. Scribbles aren’t the death of a notebook. [That’s a big one!]
I bought a new Bible for the year. It’s the C.S. Lewis Bible, NRSV. I’m enjoying it abundantly. The quotes and meditations included from Mr. Lewis give new or refreshed insight into certain passages.
I even bought a cover and tabs. All went well until I placed 2 Kings under 1 Kings.
Frankly, On Faith . . . : My Imperfect Bible Reading
I could have become angry at myself. Frustrated. Disappointed. I could have tried to remove the tab, thus ripping the page. I could have carefully cut the tab and repositioned it with regular tape. I could have placed the next tab in its place. Or I could leave it as a reminder that I’m not perfect, but God loves me anyway.
Do you think God cares about the placement of Bible tabs? Only so much as it satisfies my soul. But if I allow the imperfect positioning of those tabs to come between me and God, that’s a whole ‘nother story.
The Bible tells us over and over of imperfect people whom God chose to deliver His message: Moses, Joseph, Esther, Paul . . . so why would He expect perfection of little ol’ me and not them?
Frankly, On Faith . . . : It is never a requirement to be perfect to be loved by God.
Answer: He wouldn’t.
No, O people, the LORD has told you what is good,
and this is what he requires of you:
to do what is right, to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with your God.
~Micah 6:8 NLT
God sees through to the parts of our hearts we’re unaware of. And if He can do that, and still love us as His own, why shouldn’t we love ourselves? Forgive ourselves? Respect ourselves?
Answer: We should.
Because in doing so to ourselves, it reflects outward and we will love, forgive, and respect others more.
I missed the last three days of Bible reading. The first day I thought I was too busy. The second day I was definitely too tired from being too busy on Day One. The third day I was catching up on what I didn’t do on Day Two. Yeah, I feel a little bad about not making my Bible reading a priority. But I did do some reading, and that’s a start.
Frankly, On Faith . . . : My Imperfect Bible Reading
Even without catching up on my reading, God still spoke to me.
How will you let Him speak to you today?
With an open heart and open hand,
Happy Sunday.
~Molly Jo
And Frankly, My Dear . . . : That’s all she wrote!
