Sep 20, 2017 |
By Beckie Lindsey @BeckieLindsey_
It amazes me how I can go from praising the Lord while singing along with Christian music in my car, to yelling at the person who cut me off—almost simultaneously. But sometimes I react and then regret.
The second half of the scenario plays out like this: The driver who angered me speeds by, oblivious to my plight. The music begins to fade into the background and finally disappear. Now I’m left with an onslaught of negative, harassing thoughts like, What kind of Christian are you? You’re such a phony! A loser. “Real” Christians don’t have short fuses like you! When are you going to get better with this issue?
Beckie Lindsey: Condemnation vs Conviction
A lot of believers hear condemning thoughts, and some even think it’s God. My friends, that is a LIE!
God will NEVER tell you what a sorry loser you are.
I can prove it, too. Look at what Jesus had to say:
“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. ” (John 3:17)
As Christ followers, we must be able to discern what we are hearing in our minds: conviction from the Holy Spirit or condemnation from an unholy spirit.
Listen, this is super important because many of us waste valuable time wallowing in condemning thoughts that center around self. This is a major tactic of the enemy to keep us focused inward rather than upward on God and outward on our mission to a lost world in need of hope. We cannot offer hope to anyone if we have lost hope ourselves.
Condemnation renders us out of commission
to accomplish the Great Commission.
WHAT IS CONDEMNATION?
1: CENSURE, BLAME 2: the act of judicially condemning.
Condemnation comes from Satan. It is an attack designed to accuse and tear you down. Revelation 12:10 refers to Satan as the accuser of the brothers and sisters.
Condemnation continually points out what a failure you are, and how badly you’ve messed up. But the biggie is this:
Condemnation shows you the problem without offering a solution.
The Bible tells us “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1
WHAT IS CONVICTION?
The Bible refers to conviction as godly sorrow. We will feel grieved in our spirit, but the grief leads us to the Father.
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10
Condemnation says, “You’re such a failure!” Conviction says, “Come to me and I will forgive you.”
“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18
The Holy Spirit will convict us when we sin. And that is a good thing because sin is a problem. Sin separates us from our holy God. Conviction feels a bit like an uncomfortable separation. A godly sense of sorrow. Along with godly sorrow comes the hope of forgiveness an opportunity for teaching and correction.
Satan will condemn and guilt, showing us the problem. God lovingly convicts, showing us the solution that leads to repentance. I don’t know about you, but I need to be reminded of this…a lot. My prayer is this article served as a reminder of God’s wonderful nature to convict, forgive, and correct.
CONDEMNATION
Guilty
Depressed
Ashamed
Accused
Blame
Shows only the problem
CONVICTION
Godly sorrow
Teaches
Hope
Points to the Father
Helps
Shows the answer
When we mess up (and we will) and the negative thoughts begin (and they will too), we must train ourselves to STOP and ask, is this teaching me and pointing toward forgiveness? Or, is this accusing and showing me only the problem?
TWEET THIS: Will you allow God to work through you instead of allowing the enemy to work on you? @RealMojo68 @BeckieLindsey_
And Frankly, My Dear . . . That’s all she wrote!
Beckie Lindsey is an award-winning writer, poet, freelancer, and blogger. She is the editor of Southern California Voice, a division of One Christian Voice, LLC., a national news syndicating agency. She is the author of devotions, a devotional study journal, and the upcoming YA novel, Beauties from Ashes. She and her husband Scott have three adult children, two adorable cats and live in California. Learn more about Beckie at beckielindsey16.com.
Oct 8, 2014 |
What’s the Word?
Wednesday
Note: I’ve known Lily (not her real name) for nearly fifteen years. When she reached out to me this morning, I asked if she’d be comfortable sharing her thoughts on the blog. The subject matter of this post is controversial, but what she has to say is important. Please be respectful with your comments.
Why Lily Couldn’t Sleep Last Night
Before I went to bed last night I took a last-minute glance at online news. I saw a headline that wouldn’t normally get my attention, but this one did. So I clicked into the story.
I can’t express how I wish I take it back. How I wish I didn’t know what today I know. How I don’t want this to be true, not any of it. And how many, many memories and emotions it brings back.
There it was, with photos, social media, articles, everything screaming at me that someone had done something terrible to someone else. Stephen Collins, the actor who for eleven years played someone I often wished was my own dad (the Pastor on 7th Heaven), purportedly admits to molesting three young girls.
But is it really that simple? I laid awake most of the night, fighting confusion and feelings I’d not felt since I was their age. I wanted answers and so I kept researching. That’s what I told my husband, Michael. Don’t worry. I’m not going back to that place. I’m looking for more information. Because information is how I fight the enemy. Finding it, sharing it, and speaking it.
But the more information I found, the more restless I became.
Here’s the information (and questions) I have:
His wife secretly taped a counseling session. He admitted to the offenses, noting they took place nearly forty years ago! The audio tape, originally provided to police, was somehow leaked to the public. No charges have been filed. No victims have been located. There is one woman who started the revelation but as I understand it, she waited nearly forty years to come forward, after having seen him on television.
Here are the problems I have with all of this. As you’ve no doubt guessed, I was molested when I was young. My husband and I have chosen to not discuss this with our kids, or other family. I don’t keep it locked inside. It’s just that we don’t talk about it with others.
The media loves to do two things: First, it keeps the victim as the victim. Second, it completely demonizes the perpetrator. How many of you when reading stories like this think, “Oh, that poor girl.” “Damaged goods.” “How did she ever get out of it?”
I got out of it because I fought to do so, and I fought hard. I chose to not stay a victim. I chose to be stronger. There are times when it hits me. Times when my husband can’t do anything but sit next to me and explain to our kids why mommy’s having a bad day. Times when I need to be alone for a few hours or just take a drive, but I always come home to the life I built after.
Throughout last night, searching news articles and twitter feeds, and (thankfully) finding that the older the story got the less traction it had on front pages, I was glad I wasn’t alone. Mike was nearby, as always, letting me work it out for myself. He doesn’t act like I’m something fragile or about to break. From the day I first told him (and what a day that was!), he’s been by my side. Not pushing, not pulling, but just being with me. Sure there’s times he has to reign me in but every relationship has those moments, don’t they?
The thing is, I’m not a victim. And the news is treating this woman as though she is still a victim. I’m not saying what happened to her as a child isn’t terrible, monstrous even. But stop saying he ruined her life. He didn’t ruin her life. Certainly, she has had some terrible circumstances to overcome. Of course it’s not been easy or light. But, she’s still alive. And married. So in some aspects she’s been able to move on. Will the media let her continue to do so, or will she now be a perpetual news-made victim? Will she ever really be able to put this behind her, if she’s known as his victim?
I just don’t want this to be true. This man who showed on TV everything that I thought a real loving dad should be. The show I escaped to because it was honest. I don’t want my memories of family time with our young kids watching reruns to know be tainted with the idea of lies.
Two networks have immediately stopped showing 7th Heaven reruns. But the bigger networks still showed NFL during the Ray Rice controversy, and that’s a current event, not something that happened a lifetime ago. He received a two-game suspension at first. It wasn’t until public outcry grew so loud that the Commissioner took another look and handed down a bigger punishment. Isn’t that hypocritical?
I think the world needs more TV shows like 7th Heaven, if for nothing else then to show what good family life can be. If we follow the lead of these networks, then shouldn’t sponsors stop supporting Miley Cyrus? Tony Stewart? Reality shows that encourage sabotage and underhanded behaviors?
I’m not shy to admit I’m going to keep watching my 7th Heaven DVDs. In fact, I feel the need to watch them now more than ever. The actor may have been despicable but the show is a good show.
Deep breath. I am not a victim. I am no longer a victim. I am so many things, and at times I still feel the scars. I feel them more than I want. But my life is good. I refuse to let society shake their pitying heads and call me a victim.
I am not a victim!
Now here’s the other thing. And I know a lot of people don’t agree with me. I’m not saying this about every child molester. But in this case, in the information I’ve been able to find out, these things happened nearly forty years ago! Since then, Stephen Collins has gone on to do good things. Is that a mask? Is he a predator? Maybe.
But I can’t get my head around the idea that my beloved TV Pastor is a monster. Bear with me for a minute while I explain this. And please don’t call me ignorant. Mike was worried when I told him I wanted to talk about this, but I really think it’s worth considering: It’s said that people can’t change, especially criminals. But if there’s been no new evidence (and wouldn’t women be coming out of the woodwork in droves now that the story’s been out for two days?), is it at all possible that he knows what kind of tormentor he is, and has tried very hard to not be that person? Is it possible that the goodness he projected for eleven years as a Pastor and dad on one of the best-loved TV shows in the last two decades, isn’t it possible that was his penance? Maybe projecting God to the rest of us was his way of trying to make amends?
There are days when I want to beat the shit out of Mike just because I’m angry and he’s a man. Do those thoughts make me guilty of domestic violence? If I scream, “I hate you!” am I guilty of a hate crime?
I get it. Pedophilia is not in the same market as losing my temper. And there are many, many monsters that need to be locked up. I’m saying the evidence on this situation is complicated.
Maybe I’m just not seeing it. I don’t think I have blinders on. Believe me. I went through therapy. Counseling. Sleeping pills. Before Mike, there were some . . . unhealthy relationships. Until there came that time when I didn’t want to be ME: The Victim any more. And I started to talk to people. And listen. And forgive. And be accountable.
That’s right. I had to be accountable. What happened to me when I was young was wrong. It was terrible and it really messed me up for a while. But what I did after that, in high school, in college, after college . . . those were my choices. Those were my decisions to stay victimized.
I don’t think the media constantly reminding me that my life is tragic helps. So I choose to not believe them. And I choose to not believe that every good thing that Stephen Collins ever did is washed away. There are no 100% bad people on earth, just as there are no 100% good people on earth.
I would like to have room to continue to grow and get better. But if you say he can never change, you’re also saying I can never change. Which means I’ll always be a victim in your eyes, and nothing else. You’ll always be just a little nicer when you smile, or you’ll always be just a little more understanding of my bad days. You’ll always be just a little more complete than you’ll ever let me be.
I say no.
I am not only a victim. And he is not only a perpetrator.
So it’s with a deep breath, and a desire for peaceful sleep with my husband tonight, that I say to Stephen Collins,
I forgive you.
And Frankly, My Dear . . . that’s all she wrote!
Nov 11, 2011 |
He said, “Follow me.” I said no.
He waited anyway.
He said, “Stay on this path.” I strayed.
He led me back.
He said, “I love you.” I pushed him away.
He loved me anyway.
He said, “I want to adopt you.” I refused.
He called me His own anyway.
He said, “I want to save you.” I laughed.
He sent His True Son to die in my place.
He said, “Let me bless you.” I ignored his gifts.
He blessed me anyway.
He said, “I will provide.” I wanted it all.
He withheld, but gave me more than I could ever need.
He said, “You are perfect.” I called Him a liar.
He never pointed out my faults.
He said, “Please be careful.” I was careless.
He was tender with me anyway.
He said, “Don’t touch that.” I broke things.
He put the pieces back together.
He said, “I forgive you.” I said, “Who asked you to?!”
He forgave me anyway.
He said, “I still love you.” I told Him to shut up.
He kept loving me anyway.
He said, “I’ll protect you.” I ran into the world.
He protected me from myself.
He said, “Look at me.” And I saw the scars.
He bled for me.
He cried for me.
He cried out to me.
And I stopped turning my back.
He asked me to follow Him.
I said yes.
And He led me.
And He forgave me.
He is so unfair.
