Mar 27, 2015 |
I’m just sitting here and this sudden, invasive thought came to me:
The Complicated and I looked so good together on paper. He was everything I thought I wanted, except for one big “check” on “the list”.
But once I got to the depths of who we were together, for each other, I knew it wouldn’t work and I broke it off. I know I broke his heart and for that I’m sorry. But I also know staying with him would have destroyed me completely. I know he now hates me and thinks I led him on or used him.
But I also know that being single, and alone, and being the Right Person for ME, is better than being the Wrong Person for someone else. He may hate me now, but I would have hated me then.
And a tag-along thought is, I don’t. I don’t hate him. And I don’t hate me. In fact, I’m darn well pleased with who I’ve become. And how I didn’t compromise myself out of loneliness.
Last summer taught me a lot about just being. Yes, I still have moments that I wish I had someone to really talk to. Someone to hold me after a long day. Someone to appreciate my successes with me. Someone to call and say, “Let’s hang out” or “Let’s watch a movie” or just “Come over and have coffee”. I want someone to go on dates with, a reason to get dressed up and keep the house clean and wash the car and have a drink with and cook for and just anticipate his smile and his voice.
I spent six months on eHarmony after The Complicated, and all I learned is to NOT make a detailed list of expectations of who he should be.
Those things I thought I wanted in a man? The Complicated was most of them. And it didn’t work out. eHarmony “matched” me with guys who “fit the bill”. And they didn’t work out.
So I’m done with the list of expectations. You know what? I’m just going to enjoy life each day at a time.
I have discovered, that I am loved by a treasure trove of people. I just had to open myself up to them. My loneliness didn’t stem from not being in a relationship. It stemmed from me keeping myself hidden from the world.
I believe, as hard as it was to say “no” to The Complicated, that it was the best thing to do. So I could rediscover myself, and find out not what I want in a relationship, but what I have to offer the world at large.
I do still want to share my life with that one person I can trust with absolutely everything. But until he comes along (and I have faith he will!), I’m no longer keeping a list. And I’m no longer keeping myself hidden.
Years ago, I woke with this sort of mantra running through my head. I’d forgotten it, forgotten to pay attention to it.
“I am worthy
Of being loved
By the One
Who is worthy
Of being loved
By me.”
I don’t know what brings it to mind now.
I was just sitting at the computer playing Trivia Crack and this entire episode hit me like a refreshing, warm wave on the beach in summer.
Time to dip my toes in a little deeper, and trust that I know how to swim.
Funny the things you realize in a moment. . .
Don’t Leave. Period. My mantra to myself. No matter who else is involved, I mustn’t lose myself.
And Frankly, My Dear . . . that’s all she wrote!
You may also enjoy reading:
It’s Complicated, Part One: My Relationship
Stop Fighting and Be Still.
“He loves me. He loves me not.”
Mar 1, 2015 |
For several months, I’ve not been writing. At least not to the extent I was last summer.
It wasn’t writer’s block, exactly. I had a lot to say. I just got in my own way of saying it.
The thought had come upon me that what I had to say was far less valuable than what others had to say. That my words were less worthwhile than life.
I stumbled over the thought that perhaps
I am insignificant.
I’ve been going through the motions, attending critique groups, writers club, and special events. I’ve been editing and socializing and marketing and networking and doing all the things a successful writer does . . . except writing.
There are some moments that belong to others, stories I shouldn’t share. Seasons that are too personal to blog about. And life that moves too quickly to put it on paper.
February brought adventure into my world that I didn’t know it needed. Not only did Dot get engaged, they are already married and next week, heading to Seattle for a great opportunity for both of them. I’m utterly sad to see them leave, but it’s with open arms that I can let them go, and embrace the new part of my life.
“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
~ A. A. Milne, “Winnie the Pooh”
I was suffocated with a momentary fear that I don’t know how to be my own person. I’ve lived my live so consistently for other people . . . what will it be like to live alone?
And I saw the doors open on a new horizon.
I’m already chatting with WinCo Foods to create new #CookingForOne recipes.
My friends want me to share my journey of being pushed into an Empty Nest so quickly.
I’ve discovered that girlfriends, writers, and God are more important now than before.
There’s no lack of writing material for this new life.
I’m going to turn the extra room into a media/workout room.
I can write late into the evenings without interruption.
I’m able to stay out later, go out more often, and do more things because there’s not a second person’s schedule or dinner plans to coordinate with.
I’m no longer a single mom. I’m just single. And I’m okay with that.
Of course, I still have five cats and writing and home improvement projects. Those haven’t changed. But I’m seeing life differently.
I’m seeing it boldly and in living color.
I’m seeing HOPE.
HOPE is the thing with feathers . . .
Later this month, I’m having an Empty Nest party to celebrate my new adventures.
And I’ve decided that celebrating every day is an adventure in itself.
And Frankly, My Dear . . . that’s all she wrote!
You may also enjoy reading:
2015: HOPE
But I’m not good enough to attend a Christian writers conference . . .
Winco Wins
I am Defined. And I am a Mystery.
Jan 31, 2012 |
[Originally featured at Family Values Cinema.]
SINGLE PARENTING IS NOT A DISEASE
Contrary to popular belief, single parenting is not a disease. It’s not an illness overtaking society, or an addiction that must be overcome no matter what. “Hello, my name is Molly Jo, and I’m a Single Parent.”
Yes, it’s a dilemma that can be draining on society. But it’s not always something to be pointed at with pity. Being a single parent doesn’t make me a cancer on society any more than eating lettuce makes you a vegetarian. If you only eat lettuce, even that doesn’t make you a vegetarian. It doesn’t even make you a rabbit. Rabbits eat more than just lettuce. It makes you a lettuce eater.
Then why are single parents almost always only categorized by those two simple words? Why is so much of what I do, that much more scrutinized because I am a single parent?
Not all single parents got that way by, well, misbehaving. And yet, the majority of society points fingers and finds us to be their scapegoats. Seriously?! I didn’t know I had that much power. Especially when Wall Street and Big Government have their own issues.
Parenting, whether together or single or community or foster or… you get the picture… parenting is parenting. You’re either a good parent or a bad parent. Good parents recognize we’re not always good. We make mistakes. Bad parents. Well, they don’t always see that. Or they don’t try. There are plenty of bad two-parent homes but it’s the single parents – in particular, young single moms – that carry the burden of shame for bad parenting.
My mom was a single parent. Now don’t go thinking she was a bad example and I followed in her footsteps. My mom’s singleness came about with my dad’s early death. I have a friend who was lucky enough to foster two young boys. Nobody looked down on her for being a single parent.
So you see? Being a parent, and being single. They’re just definitions. But they don’t define every aspect of who I am or what I do. I like coffee. Cats. Books. Children. Italy. Writing. Cooking. Driving. Disneyland. And so much more. Single Parent doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface.
What do you know about the single parents in your life? Do you know how they became single parents? Not every story is the same. There are different beginnings… and different endings.
Some single parents got that way through the death of a spouse. Some choose to share their home, even if it means doing it alone.
But the being alone part. That’s hard. It’s hard when you could use some help carrying in the groceries and there’s nobody around. It’s hard when you have a water leak and no knowledge how to fix it and no funds to pay someone else. It’s hard when you can’t work the hours you need, because your kid is sick.
It’s hard when you know people want to put you down rather than help you out, or find out what your real needs are instead of assuming you get what you deserve. Forget what single parents are doing to society. What about how society treats the parent?
When my daughter was young, we struggled financially. It wasn’t because I didn’t try, but that’s what some people thought. I was blessed to have a community that helped when I needed it. The neighbor who worked on our car in exchange for a meal. The friend who drove us to get groceries. The boss who took a chance on hiring a young woman with a young child.
But the best moments were when people stopped to check on us, for no reason other than they wanted to. The ones who offered a cup of coffee and said “You’re worth my time.” The ones who didn’t ask “How are you?” then walk away before I could tell them the truth.
Being a single parent doesn’t automatically make me stupid, or make my kid worthless. It doesn’t make us gross or trashy. It just makes life a little more difficult, sometimes.
Single parents are needy. It’s true. But aren’t we all? There are smart, wonderful, single parents all around you. In your family. At your work. In your neighborhood. We all have something to offer each other. It could be a service, a helping hand, or just a friendship that says we’re worthy of being loved just like everyone else.
Trust me. We’re not lepers. You won’t get cooties if you reach out and say hi. You might make a friend. And even get a nice cup of coffee for your efforts.
Also featured on BlogHer.com
February 22, 2012
