Jun 15, 2012 |
I haven’t been able to focus on writing this week. Instead I’ve been literally waiting for the phone to ring. Holding my breath every time the mail truck drives up, and exhaling every time there’s no letter of rejection.
I’m still waiting to hear if I’m getting the job I applied for two months ago. It’s one of those hurry-up-and-wait situations that’s pretty much driving me crazy.
Every day that I don’t hear means I’m still unemployed.
Every day that I don’t hear gives me the chance to keep praying.
This Job would be perfect for me.
This Job is local.
This Job’s schedule is regular Monday through Friday. No required weekends. No late evenings or early mornings.
This Job starts at a good wage, with regular reviews and increases.
This Job offers stability, longevity, permanence, and room for advancement.
This Job has health, vision, and dental benefits.
This Job has a retirement package.
This Job is in a professional yet friendly atmosphere.
This Job‘s duties include working with computers, numbers, and people. All things I love and am great at.
For all these reasons and more, I am praying for This Job.
Throughout this very stressful waiting period, this very dramatic roller coaster ride, I’ve been reminded of the very specific prayers I said when looking for a house.
It should be fully fenced. Landscaped. Attached garage. Indoor laundry room. Quiet neighborhood. Safe neighborhood. Nice, friendly neighbors. Close to my mom’s. Central to the area. Affordable. Like my mom’s house, but one I could make my own. Not too much of a fixer-upper, but needing my special touch.
And that’s exactly what I got. A beautiful house that we’ve turned into a home. The floor plan is exactly like my mom’s, but reversed. So it’s her house, but it’s mine. It’s lovingly decorated. It’s well-kept. And every day brings something new: a new plant, a flower in the dirt yard, a stray cat saying hi… It will never be finished. But it’s my house. It’s Our Home. And it’s everything I prayed for. Specifically and boldly.
I know so many of our family and friends are praying for us, crossing fingers and toes and legs and sending out great thoughts and wishes for This Job… I am so abundantly thankful. And so abundantly blessed. I may not be financially well-off at this moment, but I am overflowing with what matters. It’s impossible for me to express my gratitude, my peace and joy and heartfelt affection for all of you.
And I choose to believe that these specific and bold prayers for This Job will be answered just as specifically and boldly.
Because that’s how My God works.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Jun 6, 2012
June is my Exodus. I’m making it so. Months ago during prayer, I felt God telling me to hold on until June. Things will get better in June.
The last year, the last month have been the proverbial one thing after another and now that it’s June, it’s time to put on a new hat and a new attitude… and get outta Dodge!
Change doesn’t have to be dramatic or traumatic. It can come simply by looking in a different direction. Seeing the shadows dance on the wall instead of hiding in the corner. Watching the leaves blow in the breeze instead of counting the ones already fallen to the ground. Making pies out of mud and reclaiming that childhood wonderment when the world wasn’t any larger than the backyard.
But even with change, some things stay the same. Like the love I have for my family. And the love we have from our Head of Household. Even in these very difficult times, God has been with us, loving us, caring for us, comforting us.
And He will continue to Lead us.
EXODUS
[originally written June 14, 1999]
Stay where you are, here with me
Leave the dirt behind
Don’t you know who I am?
I am the God of your Fathers,
I am the God of You.
I know your troubles, I’ve seen your pain
But your destiny is greater
I am bringing you to a better place
Just put your trust in me
I’ve been with you so far, so far
Will I not stay until the end?
I am the God of your Future
I am the God of You.
I am the Wonderful Everything
I send my angels before
Leave behind what is behind
Look on to me ahead
Don’t you know who you are?
I have chosen you, My people
Let me be the God of you.
I want to be the God of you.
I am the God of you.
You may also be interested in reading Filigree Frosting.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
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May 15, 2012
Since I’m on this blog-improvement kick, I figure it would be a good idea to actually complete the pages I started so long ago, so I just finished updating my Tenfold Page: Ten Bible Verses I Try to Live By.
I’d had four listed there previously. Err, rather, the cites. Tonight I not only posted the cites of my ten favorite Bible verses, but I typed out the verses themselves.
I was reminded all over again of exactly why those particular verses are so special to me. And in the coming weeks, I hope to share in depth with you my take on these verses, how they apply to my life, and how God has used them to get to me even when I didn’t want to be reached.
Whatever your faith, I hope these stories will inspire you and fill you with hope. For God is always in control. And He is always filled with love.
1 Corinthians 13:13~
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love.”
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
May 11, 2012 |
Some of you know I went away last weekend. I don’t go away that often so when I do, I try to make the most of it. My church is one of the larger churches in Southern California. It’s not a mega-church. But it’s big. And I love it.
I’ve been there since Dot was six months old. We took a brief hiatus when she was dating the son of the Pastor of another church, but ours still felt like home so we came back.
I’ve learned a lot through my church. I’ve been lucky enough to meet some wonderful, beautifully helpful, supportive people. I’ve also met some who aren’t all, or even any, of those things. I’ve been both at times.
One thing that has remained consistent is the instruction to pray.
- Pray without ceasing [1 Thesssalonians 5:17]
- Pray boldly and specifically [Hebrews 4:16]
- Pray for others [Acts 13:3]
- Pray for your enemies [Matthew 5:44]
- Pray with thanksgiving [Colossians 1:3]
- When you don’t know how or what to pray, ask the Spirit to pray for you [Romans 8:26]
For years, I’ve turned my “To Do” list over to Christ. After all, He’s the husband to the widow and the father to the fatherless. He’s the Head of My Household. So when something needs doing, I put it on The List and pray about it, and try my best to not stress over it.
I knew in January that I wanted ~ needed ~ to get to Retreat. I also knew, on paper, it was impossible. So I didn’t bother to put it on The List. I mentioned that I’d like to go. But I don’t think I actually prayed about it. Until ten days before the Retreat.
I was at church for a bible study when I decided to go talk to the secretary for Women’s Ministries. Who just so happens to be the mother of my writing partner… not that I was hoping she could pull any strings to get me there, but if she tried… well I wasn’t going to stop her.
So. Ten days before the Retreat and I finally decide to ask about it. I have no money for such a thing. And they’re all booked up anyway. But we agreed it didn’t cost anything but a few minutes of time to fill out the registration form and so I did. She said I was Number 47 on the Waiting List.
And I said, quite boldly (shocking myself as well!), “Well, then. We just need to pray that one person cancels and 46 others decide they have something better to do that weekend.”
And less than 48 hours before the Retreat, that’s exactly what happened!
I got the call on Wednesday night that there was not only a spot available, but the person who canceled wanted to gift her reservation to someone else. And I fit the bill. The next day and a half were a whirlwind as I pushed myself to finish my own To-Do List before leaving for the weekend. It was also the weekend of Dot’s school play which thankfully was also performed on Thursday so I got to enjoy her dressed up as a western maid and speaking with a twangy accent. [You haven’t heard anything ’til you’ve heard Dot say “y’all”… this white girl can’t do an accent to save her life. It was really quite… cute.]
I wanted to clean the house so Dot could enjoy her weekend of freedom as well. I went to the grocery store to get her some decent snackage. I had to do laundry and pack and make sure any important notes were written… it was a very busy less-than-two days.
And then I was at Retreat and holding my breath for the Big Whammy that I knew would come. I mean, it had to. After the way I so boldly prayed and God so directly answered. There had to be a Big Whammy of a lesson… right?!
Friday night came and went. It was wonderful. Our guest speaker was Cindi McMenamin, an author and national speaker. She wrote and spoke in a way that caught my attention from the get-go, and I’m going to write a blog post on her [WITH A BOOK GIVEAWAY!] in the next few days, so stay tuned for that.
But as amazing, informative, thought-provoking and compelling as Friday was, I didn’t feel that Big Whammy. Sure, I was getting spiritually fed. But there wasn’t that a-ha! moment that made me know this is why God brought me here.
There were joyous women, women in crises, women wanting to talk, women isolating themselves. And I was… just there. I had no great crises [thank you, Lord!]. I didn’t feel I needed to take the spotlight, and I was more than happy to sit back with my friends and listen to them and be there for them. One of my roommates and I realized we’d known each other for years peripherally, and now we are very close. Funny how 48 hours can do that.
But still… I had a twinge of being forgotten. Unfulfilled.
Saturday came and went. I called home a few times. Dot said she was doing just fine. The cats were fine. And when the smoke detector let her know it wanted its battery changed, she didn’t have a freak-out. I was very proud of her. And I missed her terribly, and asked if she wanted me home early.
Please say yes! I thought. I need an excuse to leave. This isn’t what I thought it would be. I miss my home. Tell me you need me to come home!
But she didn’t. And so I stayed, somehow deep inside, knowing I was still waiting for something that would happen. Wouldn’t it? Or would it?
And that was my a-ha! moment. That was my Big Whammy. That maybe there didn’t need to be a Big Whammy. That maybe I was at Retreat just because I had asked to go, and God said yes. Maybe I didn’t need a Big Whammy to understand that I’m where I’m supposed to be. Maybe it had nothing to do with the Retreat at all, but just God showing me that He does indeed hear my prayers. And He pays attention to them. And He answers them. One way or another.
In that moment, I felt a peace and joy soothe me. I physically exhaled and dropped the tension from my shoulders. And yet I stood a little taller.
God took me on a mini-vacation. For no other reason than He wanted to spend some quality time with me. How cool is that?!
God answers our prayers. Boldly, significantly, and specifically. He also sometimes refuses to answer our prayers. Most of the time we can figure out His reasons in retrospect, but sometimes we can’t. And I’m okay with that.
Because one thing I keep learning over and over, is that He is God and I am Not. He does love me. And He does love to shower His attentions upon me and my family. And when I screw up, He takes me back. When I try to run away, He corrals me right back up.
Sunday morning, I went to the last session before we packed it up and returned home. I was content with knowing that I wouldn’t get a Big Whammy. No big a-ha! moment. Those realizations themselves were the Big Whammy and a-ha! moment. I expected nothing more than to enjoy time with my women friends and our God.
And that was why He brought me to Women’s Retreat. Because it’s not always about the big things. Sometimes, most of the time, it’s about keeping Him in the little things as well. It’s about trusting that even those quiet, silent moments are worth more than you know.
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But after that, something beautiful happened. There I was, standing with all these lovely, wonderful women. My writing partner is singing with her mom up front. My friends are right next to me. And I was content. Content to Just Be. Just be there. Just be me. Just be in the moment. And not look for a deeper meaning or greater significance.
And that’s when God reminded me I’m a writer. And I had to tell this story ~ His story. Now that’s a pretty Big Whammy.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
May 7, 2012 |
I’m falling in love with apples. I can’t explain my newest obsession, except to state that that I’m just really falling in love with apples!
I just got back from Women’s Retreat with my church. It was a great weekend, as expected. And then something slightly awkward happened. During the final session, just before we left to go home, I ended up with some great writing ideas.
There I am, singing praise with my friends, and I’m struck with the overwhelming urge to write it out. I’m sure I was a bit distracting to those around me. It’s not unlike me to make small notes wherever I am, and that does include church. But these were no mere notes. By the time I was done (about five minutes), I’d hashed out four pages of scribbles.
What’s all this got to do with apples? Nothing more than I recently was talking with my friend Mary and had told her I love saying, “How do you like them apples?!” whenever something is going on but I can’t quite voice it. It could be a secret I have. It could just be that my thoughts aren’t connecting with the page. It’s also a shout-out to another great TV show, The West Wing. Character Amy Gardner (played by Mary-Louise Parker) was known for saying, “How do you like them apples?!” especially when trying to prove she’s right.
Since I’ve been watching my West Wing DVD’s lately, I’ve reacquainted myself with Amy and her go-getter attitude. And her phrase.
I mentioned this to Mary, and to my delight, she posted this photo for me on facebook:
Apples are great. And I was inspired to write about them in my scribbles this morning. But I was also inspired to keep their wholesome goodness to myself. At least for a while. At least until I can gather more material and make something quite substantial out of it.
You’re just gonna have to trust me. This is gonna be great. I promise.
So. You know I gotta ask:
How do you like them apples?!
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
