A few days ago I mentioned that I rejected a freelance writing opportunity.
While I know it was the right thing to do, I was disappointed. Disappointed with the lack of finances (and my need for more!), disappointed with a failed opportunity, disappointed with so much.
While endeavoring to be a paid writer I’ve also been trying to find a day job to pay the bills. That hasn’t offered much hope either.
So. I admit that God and I had a bit of a talk. Actually, it was more of a child kicking and screaming to get attention from the adult. Without actually throwing a temper tantrum, I admit that my heart really wanted to. I prattled off all my worries and concerns and the reasons I’m not sleeping as well as I used to and don’t forget the recurring knee injury and what is up with this cold weather and wind and by the way do you think just once I could win the lottery? Or at least a few decent writing assignments? Is that really too much to ask?
I learned a few things that day.
*First: It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad and discouraged. It is not okay to wallow or lose hope. But it’s totally okay be tired and cry it out.
*Second: Crying can be good. Admitting your disappointments out loud can be cathartic. Telling your worries to your mother over a tear-stained coffee cup can even lead to some unintentionally humorous conversations.
*Third: God loves me and will take care of me no matter what. Even when He doesn’t give me what I want, He gives me what I need and protects me from what I deserve. What I think I need is not what I really need. And that thought terrifies me because I don’t like the unknown. But if all I know is God will take care of me, and my family, then that’s what I have to go on.
*Fourth: Proverbs 22:1 (NIV): “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” I could sell my writings almost anywhere. I could write the kind of stories that would sell big, but in doing so I would compromise my style, my faith, and my name. I could write for people who don’t care about quality. I could write, and get paid. But I’d rather keep my Good Name. Because in doing so, I’m trusting God for the rest. (See Bullet Three above).
I kept praying for
direction answers my will to be accomplished. Until I realized this is the first of many rejection notices I’ll receive. I just happen to be the one doing the rejection this time. And I’m okay with that.
I’m a firm believer that when God closes one door, He opens another.
The same day I rejected this freelance opportunity, another one came my way. One that will be mutually beneficial to myself and the business I’m writing for. One that leaves me no doubt that God had this lined up before I even thought of rejecting the first one.
And then of course I felt pretty foolish for having stomped my feet and threw my fists in the air (no, not literally!). But it’s a good thing to know that God loves me know matter what. It’s an even better thing to know He knows what’s really in my heart.
Psalm 50:15 (NIV): ” and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you will honor me.”
Yeah. I’m keeping my Good Name. Because it comes from My Father. And after all, Father Knows Best.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
I LOVED how you came across in this post. Tremendous faith and yet, tremendously human. I believe every Christian could relate to these feelings since none of us are perfect and all face feelings like this. Very nicely written! :)
Thank you so much, Susan. I strive to show God is very reachable. Thanks for your kind words! What a day brightener!