Was one of your New Year’s resolutions to save more money? Yeah. It ranks up there with
Eat healthy
Exercise more
Improve life
It’s hard, though, isn’t it?
You know what? You’re not alone. When I started sharing about my bad credit experiences, I was overwhelmed with supportive and encouraging comments. So many of you were or are in the same boat, and didn’t know it.
We think we’re alone and headed for a comedy of errors like Gilligan’s Island.
To Sea in a Storm by Yourself? It ain’t so.
But the truth is, while our individual situations are unique, we have the opportunity to throw life rafts to each other just with words of encouragement and “been there, done that” talk.
There’s a lot in life that can make us feel bad about ourselves. Keeping up with the Joneses is, in my opinion, one of the worst. Which Jones are we talking about? The one who’s a family friend or the one who lives on the other side of town, you know, the right side of the tracks?
When I have money troubles, everything else is amplified. I can’t buy medicine because I can’t afford the doctor visit in order to get the prescription. Or I feel guilty for munching at McDonald’s but in reality I was hungry and didn’t have time to get to the store on my lunch hour. The phone rings constantly, but it’s almost always “Call from Unavailable.”
It wears a person down, doesn’t it? And when you’re worn down, you can’t always see the solution, if there is one.
Cloud of Negativity
Recently, I made a self-discovery. I told myself, “I’m tired of worrying.” Sure, easier said than done, and yes I do still have those moments.
But I started smiling more and stressing less. I gave myself permission to not feel guilty over the occasional fast food. It was okay if I bought one song on iTunes for $1.29. But then I stop. Then I’ve reached my limit and treat myself to an emotional allowance rather than a financial one.
Spending time with friends, watching a favorite DVD or even just reading a good book is often all it takes to regenerate my broken spirit.
Money isn’t everything.
And then there was the realization of several truths.
You are not alone. I know, I’ve hit on this before. But it’s worth hammering again and again. I am not alone. You are not alone. Believe it or not, people will understand when you say, “I just can’t go out this weekend.” It’s okay to say no to some extras. It’s also okay to say yes.
Patience really is a virtue. Debt collectors are often willing to work around your payment schedule as long as you communicate with them. You can’t expect them to stop calling if you don’t explain your situation. For all they think, you’re a deadbeat. But you’re not. You hear me?
YOU ARE NOT A DEADBEAT.
There are so many things to be thankful for. I have a roof over my head. I have transportation. I’ve never gone a day without food. If you’re reading this, you have internet access. Whether it’s a public library, school, or at home, that’s a blessing.
Being frugal can allow for creativity. It can be simple home decor, clothing options, or cooking a meal. Saving pennies can mean celebrating the lean times. Sure, it’s corny like a country song, but trust me. It works. It’s what led me to write and publish The Unemployment Cookbook. That’s a sweet success in my book!
One of the first things you can do when the money situation gets you down, is tell yourself it’s okay. It’s okay to know it’s there, but it’s also okay to say “I won’t let my lack of money define me.” It’s okay to choose to breathe.
Have dialogue with yourself and your family. Ask the hard questions:
Is this necessary, or a just a social “requirement”?
Is there a cheaper alternative?
If not, what else can we do to afford this?
Then it’s time to be honest with the creditors:
Explain your situation and be honest about how you got there.
Ask for repayment options. If you can’t pay their “minimum” do they have an extended payment plan?
Can they give you a reduced pay-off balance?
If you absolutely can’t pay, be honest. Don’t commit to a payment you can’t make. And don’t get angry at them about it. Those calls you’re getting? They’re just doing their job.
Then stop. Take another breath. And tell yourself, “It’s going to be okay.” Even if you don’t know how. Trust that it will work out. You can be strict without being overbearing. You can be in a financial struggle and still enjoy your day-to-day life.
Choose Your Direction: Stress or Relax
It’s okay to drink of cup of hot (or sweet) tea. It’s okay to buy clothes at the thrift store and make them your own. It’s okay to walk somewhere, or buy a $0.99 box of mac-n-cheese instead of a $7.00 combo meal.
You have a choice. Even when the money situation isn’t getting any better, you have the choice to not let it define you.
Remember, it’s just a situation. It’s not a lifestyle.
Embrace the happy and you’ll see how rich you truly are.
At the beginning of the month, I posted about my experience with bad credit. I expected mixed results but the response was overwhelmingly favorable, and many of you thanked me for my transparency.
Truth be told, I didn’t share everything. Let’s face it: finances are a really private matter. I mean, it’s not like any of us are going to put our bank books on public display, right?
Open Wallet
And why would you? Your life dynamics are just as personal as your wallet. Are you hearing me?
Every situation is different.
So why do the credit companies treat us all the same?
The reasons for my bad credit aren’t the same as yours or your mailman’s brother’s cousin’s dog’s groomer. That’s okay. Neither are the solutions.
Let’s recap, shall we?
I am not a credit expert. I am not, have never been, and have no plans to be: A professional debt collector, credit counselor, financial adviser, or life coach.
I have experienced unemployment, car accidents, medical bills, single parenting, and poverty.
I did not crawl into a corner and stay there. Okay. Yes. I did crawl in. It was ugly. But I didn’t ~ repeat, I did not ~ stay there.
I am slowly and surely finding my way out of my debt and bad credit situation, and as vulnerable as that makes me feel, I’m here to share [parts of] my story with you.
Today’s theme is Communicate.
Use your words, people!
That’s it. Use your words, people! But here’s the thing: Are you putting emphasis on the right word? If I say, “Use your words, people!” what do you hear? Me telling you just to talk. But if I say, “Use your words, people!” it changes, doesn’t it? Now it’s about you and your words. About expressing your situation.
This gem of advice was given to me a few years ago but it wasn’t until this year that I realized the power behind it. And it happened by mistake. Or grand design. I’m not sure which.
One particular evening I was ignoring the many Caller Unknown phone calls. In a moment of silence, I reached to make a call of my own, but as things happen, I picked up a call just as it came in. You know the feeling. Do you hang up? Stay quiet so they hang up? What? What? WHAT??
Being the conscientious authentic tired person that I was, I took the call. It was one of my credit card companies. I know. I’m late. Again. Still. My favorite part (not!) is when they ask, “What is the reason for the delinquency?” I really want to rant. Rave. Rebel. Instead, on this call, I politely said, “You know, you asked me that last month and the answer hasn’t changed. I simply don’t make enough money any more.”
So you know what they did? They laughed. They turned me over to a debt collector. They offered to work with me on an income-based payment plan.
Tired Girl say what??
That WAS easy!
We took a few minutes to review some information. How much do I make? How big is my family? And then, those magic words: We can work with you.
I was so excited, I answered the next call. And the next. Soon, I had arrangements made for several bills. You know what? The phone stopped ringing as much. The nasty-grams slowed down. And the bills are getting paid.
No, it’s not easy. And it’s not simple. I have to make sure I’m on top of my budget and there are times when I can’t make even the minimal payment so I get to swallow my pride, pick up the phone, and ask for more help. But I do it, because it’s worth it.
I don’t want to default or file bankruptcy. I want to pay my own debts. And when I own up to my financial mess, when I let others know the what’s and why’s and how’s of my situation, they’re more willing to work with me.
These posts started the day after I took another call to try to reduce a bill. In my mind, I had created a monster of debt, and I was ashamed and certain that I should just do a George Bailey and jump off the nearest bridge. Instead, I talked to the woman on the other end of the phone.
In the end, I was in tears.
I explained my situation, again. But this was a new company. This debt was transferred to a new collections department. How humiliating.
Except it wasn’t. Because she spoke to me like I was human, an individual. Not like a number or statistic or deadbeat. She valued me.
We all have value.
And then she said something I’ll not forget.
“You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. But I’ve been in your situation. I have. And I’m going to tell you, hang in there. Okay? It gets better. It does. I promise you. It gets better.”
And that’s why I cried. Because I allowed myself the vulnerability of showing my human-ness to a stranger, and she gave it back to me.
There was no condemnation, no threats, no hardlining. Just a person, talking to a person, working things out.
So I’m here to tell you
It gets better. It does. I promise you. It gets better.
Here’s a few simple tips to help you recover your finances:
Answer the phone.
Talk to people.
Be honest about your situation, what you can (and can’t) afford.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Try. Try again.
If the person isn’t willing to work with you, talk to a supervisor. It won’t always help, but most of the time, it will.
Follow up. If you make a promise to pay, pay. If you say you’ll call back, call back. They like it when you’re truthful.
What else can I tell you? You have value. I believe in you. And you know what?
It gets better. It does. I promise you. It gets better.
You know me, right? You know when I usually put up a title it has a different or double meaning. So when you read “bad credit” I’m sure you’re thinking, She can’t really mean ‘bad credit’. It must be some trick word usage like ‘bad’ as in ‘sick’ or ‘awesome’ and ‘credit’ like those things that roll at the end of a movie. That’s it. This Girl saw an awesome movie and she’s gonna tell us all about it.
So, while that’s a fantastic interpretation of how my mind works at times, and maybe in the future I’ll use it as such, this post really is about just that: bad credit.
Here’s the not-so-secret secret. I have struggled with debt and bad credit for the better part of the last twenty-five years. Why am I telling you this? Because I recently discovered something awesome:
I am not alone.
For a really long time ~ and by really, I mean really ~ I felt like I was. And it wasn’t until I started to share my story with people outside my family that the fog of shame and self-imposed stigma started to lift.
I felt ugly. I was having screaming matches with the people who love me and who have, for the better part of these years, helped me in some form or another. My self-worth tanked every time the phone identified “Call from Unavailable.” I was jealous when Facebook told me how others ate out and went to movies. Here I was trying to decide between cat food, a gallon of milk, or a little more gas in the car.
Sure, things weren’t always horrific. I had good seasons that included Disneyland passes, trips to the bookstore, and last year’s writing conferences. Every payday I allowed myself a McDonald’s meal and a Starbucks. But those sparkling gems were few and far between.
Most of the time, I was waking up with anxiety. I’m not saying I grew anxious as the day went on. I’m saying, I woke up that way. I would go through bouts of not being able to drink coffee or eat breakfast because my stomach was in tumbles. I unplugged the phone at home just to get some peace and quiet. I was feeling sick, tired, worn out.
I WAS DONE.
There has to be a way out, right? Or was I destined to always feel like this? Do I attract debt? The answer is yes. And no. There were quite a few circumstances out of my control that contributed to my building debt. And there are habits that keep me there.
Unemployment, medical bills from several ~ and by several, I mean twelve ~ car accidents (never my fault, thank you for your concern), and the loss of child support when Dot turned eighteen. All these led steadily to the demise of what I like to call, my free money.
As much as I tightened the belt, I was just in over my head, upside down, sideways, and very, very shaken.
The triggering event was a radio commercial for debt relief. I was amazed at how they knew just what my situation was and how a quick loan would help me immediately.
Is This Thing On?
For about eight seconds I thought of calling. Then I jumped off that horse and put the phone down.
I mean, can you imagine what the interest rate must be on a quick loan with no credit check? [Hint: Way more than I could ever pay back.] And if there’s no credit check, what do they use for collateral? Employment verification, I think. Maybe a vehicle. Well, I certainly wouldn’t want them calling my boss if I was ten minutes late on a payment. Or taking my awesome little putt-putt away. Let’s face it: I’m already late on payments. Shifting debt from one source to another doesn’t alleviate the problem. It just shifts it. That’s why this commercial got my attention.
And then something else got my attention. The realization that I wasn’t the only one who had heard that commercial. I don’t live in a metropolis, and a lot of people don’t listen to the radio. But even so, if just a fraction of the population heard that commercial and thought of calling, how many others must feel there’s no way out from under the debt storm?
You know the old saying. When it rains, it pours. We usually say that when negative things happen. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could pay attention to the storm of sunshine when it comes? What if, instead of hiding under dark umbrellas, they were fun, bright little things sticking out of our drinks in paradise? Or, turned upside down, and we could use them to collect pennies from heaven?
Every time it rains, it rains pennies from Heaven.
My plan is to share with you in future posts how I am overcoming my debt. I’ll be transparent about what works and doesn’t work for me. No, you don’t get to see my financials. That part is none of your business, but thanks for asking.
I’m also not a debt collector, licensed life coach, credit counselor or financial adviser. So here’s the disclaimer part: Any post relating to getting out of debt or managing money is strictly my personal experience and observances. I share them to let others know
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I share them to give hope. There’s power in the knowledge that even though it looks like things are getting darker, there’s always some form of light.
There’s still a lighthouse.
Here’s the thing: It does get better. I promise. You can learn different habits, discover hidden treasures, use what you didn’t know were assets.
The Unemployment Cookbook is the blessed result of needing to feed my small family with a small amount of groceries. Little did I know at the time I started creating these changeable recipes that it would start me on the road to self-publishing and turn into a constant seller.
The Unemployment Cookbook, Second Edition
I hope you start to count the sunrises each day, and find lots of pennies on your journey to paying down your debt.
I didn’t mean for this post to be just a teaser, but it’s already pretty long so the next part will have to wait.
I’d love to read comments and questions from you:
Are you struggling with debt?
Do you have any advice that can help others?
What are your thoughts on money?
And if you feel that your debt is going to swallow you whole, if it is consuming the lifeblood from you, please please please talk to someone. It’s okay to be in debt. Nearly everyone is, one way or another. It’s how you treat it, how you take care of it, that matters.
But know this:
Not being able to pay your debts does not make you a failure. It takes a hundred pennies to make a dollar. Start slow. Don’t expect miracles. Your debt didn’t happen overnight. Neither will the solution. Stay the course. And fill that jar.
My Penny Jar
You’ll get there.
Finally, because I thing the world needs more upside down umbrellas and happy songs, I leave you with some snazzy tap dancing. Enjoy.
It’s the last Friday of the month, and the year.
I’ve had my Resolutions in place for over a week now.
A writing schedule. A work schedule. A home schedule.
A food budget. A recipe budget. A home budget. An emergency budget.
I have a plan. I plan… to plan.
Since July, 2011 I sort of flew by the seat of my pants. Until I started working again.
Without child support and only 35 hours a week, my income isn’t that great. But it’s mine. And I’m doing the best I can.
I have never wanted to go on Welfare. I’m frustrated with the stigma that causes. I understand the system isn’t perfect, but nothing ever is. I don’t like the perception that “everyone” on welfare is lazy or taking advantage of others. There is no shame in finding help when it’s vital to existence. But I refuse to burden society with my debts. I’ve always managed to pay my bills… late, past due, those fees add up. But at least I’m the one paying them. And someday soon, it will get better.
We’re going to tighten the belt even more around here. Now that the holiday specials are over, I’m suspending my TV subscription for a few months. That money will go toward paying off the smallest bill in January. So in February, I can take the TV money and the smallest bill money, and put that toward the next smallest bill. After another month, that’s two bills paid off.
If the Fiscal Cliff isn’t as horrid as we’re being scared into thinking, my tax refund should help pay off a few more small debts.
My goal, God willing and the Creek Don’t Rise, is to be nearly debt-free by the end of 2013. The only remaining debts should by my mortgage, car, and student loans.
That’s the plan.
I don’t know how realistic it is. If anything changes, I don’t know how I’ll handle it.
I received four books for Christmas. Dot gave me a wonderful edition of JRR Tolkien’s The Hobbit. It includes maps, has a leather cover, and is pocket size. It’s perfect! The other three are from my brother. Three books on better blogging. There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to read! (Another reason the TV won’t be missed.)
I’m making a menu plan for January. That’s a separate post. I was gifted with a $100 gift card for Christmas, and I intend to use it strictly for my food budget. I want to see how long it will last if I plan ahead. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a few snacks. I’m choosing foods that will go a long way: one box of Malt-o-Meal is two weeks’ breakfast for us. My Slow Cooker Ratatouille will feed us for days as a hot dish, pizza topping, and in my Baked Frittata.
I’m going to cut out fast food eating, too. That means no Starbucks in January, and I can’t begin to tell you how I feel about that. I’m only six drinks shy of keeping my Gold Card Status, too. Well, my tastebuds won’t thank me, but my wallet will!
And then there’s the writing. Oh, the writing! Recipes. Dragons. And everything in between. I miss posting daily links at BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo, but I don’t miss my trite, nonsensical postings. With the Cookbook Campaign, the Series with Megan, the Study on the Ten Commandments, and a few other starter projects, my writing plate is overflowing with goodies!
And today is Friday. The last Friday of the month and year. But really… it’s just the Beginning.
When I wrote my first TGIF post, I hadn’t planned on making it a staple of this Blog. But sometimes a person just stumbles upon what works.
That first post was soul-baring. This one, notsomuch. This one, I really am just thankful.
Today I get my second paycheck. I find it ironic that my first post let you in on my life of poverty; and here it is a few weeks later and I’m praising the payday. It’s not a lot. It won’t replace the missing child support. But it’s enough. I’ll make it enough. And that’s all I need.
Sometimes I get frustrated, having just “enough”. Sometimes I’d like to be more than “ok”. But I’ll take what I can get, and give Thanks for it. I’ve been teasing my coworker when he leaves for lunch that he’s not allowed to come back unless he brings the winning Lottery ticket with him. This week, our Boss overheard and asked if it was a big jackpot this week. I laughed and said, “I have absolutely no idea.” We agreed that any extra money is more than what we have now so why not grab it?
Sometimes I feel like I’m back on that Merry-Go-Round. Going nowhere except high and low. Up and down and chasing my tail in circles.
Not this time. This time I’m reaching for the Brass Ring. And you know what? If my little pony can’t get me there, it’s time to change strides. Time to change horses. Time to do whatever it takes to be a winner.
The first step is to acknowledge there are steps. Success isn’t All-or-Nothing. It’s a journey. And it starts here. Now. With me. It starts.
That’s how I feel today. This paycheck is the start of Something Good. The planets seem to be aligning for me and Dot, and it’s been a long time coming. I have a job. My Kickstarter campaign is off to a good start. Oh, and let’s not forget it’s holiday time.
So. In the infamous words of my favorite TV show theme… I’m gonna make it after all.
Mary Tyler Moore Wanna-Be and My Photo Bombing Dot
TWEET THIS: Overcoming Bad Credit: Communication is Key. @RealMojo68 #badcredit #credit #debt #communication
