Oct 28, 2012 |
- Sometimes luck is all you need.
- Sometimes, luck will get you through the door but skill will keep you going.
- You can’t win ’em all.
- But you should always try.
- Just because you were good once, doesn’t mean you still are.
- Keep your eye on the prize.
- Don’t be distracted by the glamour.
- You can’t hit if you don’t swing: take the chance!
- Greatness is a heritage for some and a moment for others.
- Sometimes, the job is to succeed. Sometimes, the job is just to move.
- Hurts happen.
- It’s never okay to take your frustrations out on someone else.
- But sometimes, it happens anyway.
- Look up. You can’t catch what’s coming your way if you’re looking at your shadow.
- Run full force into walls. It’s the only way to go.
- Acrobatics required. Not always. But definitely often.
- Run fast. Run straight. Stop only when you have to.
- Pay attention to the game.
- Appreciate your audience.
- Success isn’t always winning. Sometimes it’s just getting farther than you were yesterday.
- No matter what, celebrate a job well done.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Oct 5, 2012 |
- Writing is different than being a Writer.
- Inspiration is everywhere. If you know a Writer, your story will be told. Somehow, somewhere, you will be immortalized in Story.
- To write well, it’s important to read.
- Reading well includes a variety of genres, sources, and methods.
- Social media can definitely be a form of writing.
- Social media can, but shouldn’t, be a distraction.
- Being a Writer includes studying, researching, and daydreaming.
- Writers do not vacation for long periods of time on sandy beaches or in cozy ski lodges.
- Writers dream about vacationing for long periods of time on sandy beaches or in cozy ski lodges.
- There are descriptive words, and then there are fragrant collections of letters that grow together to bring a scent of peace and adventure to the reader.
- A good Writer is a bit arrogant and narcissistic.
- A great Writer will never understand why they are great.
- A great Writer sees their potential more often than recognizing their success.
- Writers dream. Literally.
- And, Writers dream. Figuratively.
- Words are our friends.
- And words can be our worst enemy.
- Being a Writer can include Blogging.
- Some Blogs should never be posted.
- A Writer is only as good as their readers.
- Writers are eavesdroppers.
- Writers are voyeurs.
- Writers are Storytellers.
- Not all stories are written by Writers. Some stories take on a life of their own and write themselves.
- Characters can be unruly children and do what they want regardless of how they are meant to be written.
- Not all people who write are Writers.
- Some Writers learn their craft and do well.
- True Writers are born and share their life with the world.
- Real Writers are nothing without their Cheerleaders.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Sep 14, 2012 |
In the aftermath of the incident from yesterday’s post, I’ve had time to reflect on what happened. I received a lot of encouraging comments and support. This post is a collage of my later thoughts, reactions, and observances.
- Don’t be afraid of the Ugly Words. It’s okay to say, out loud, “I’m being stalked.” “Take me seriously.” and “This is not good.” Even when it feels foolish. Even when a part of you wants to think this is just a mistake, a misunderstanding. It’s okay, and even right, to say the Ugly Words out loud.
- Take it for what it is. Don’t try to manipulate the situation into a drama, but don’t downplay it into a nothing. I didn’t want to appear foolish, and so this “incident” went on far too long, and I felt far too alone. I should have been less concerned with possibly being wrong and more concerned with being protected.
- Just because nothing happened, doesn’t mean nothing happened. He kept his distance. he never approached me. He never spoke to me. But he still intentionally scared me. Intimidated me. Followed me. He. Stalked. Me.
- It’s okay to still be scared, even after the fact. I tried not to be nervous today, but I had more errands to run. And I found myself sometimes hyper-vigilant. In traffic. In crowds. In parking lots. Not always. But more than usual.
- I’m much more aware how much of ourselves we give to strangers. At one location, they asked for my phone number to look up my account. In front of five strangers, I had to audibly confirm private information. With all the technology available, they should mandate keypad entries to prevent someone else from hearing my secrets!
- Everyone has told me I should have told the manager or called the police. Let’s face it: no one wants to be considered a nuisance. And without proof, the most anyone could do is write it down for later. I already felt helpless. I didn’t want an authority figure to confirm that fact.
- I know the difference between jerks, creeps, and predators. I don’t like admitting it, but the truth is, he was a predator and I was in danger. He had a look that said he owned me. He never questioned it. I was his. And the only time he looked confused was when I glared back to put him off.
- I have a right to expect more from society than my pointing fingers and looking like a fool. But society doesn’t easily throw open its arms and say “I’ll protect you.” More often, society says, “It’s not a big deal”, “Give me hard facts”, or “There’s nothing we can do.” Society made it easier for him to intimidate me, than for me to ask for help. And I find that unacceptable.
- Television is my friend. At the very moment I realized this guy was actually stalking me ~ not just looking at me, not just following me, but actively, intentionally, maliciously pursuing me ~ I recalled stories from my favorite crime dramas. I knew what to do: Be noticed. Be strong. Be prepared to fight.
- I texted Dot a few times. More than usual for that time of day. I sent her photos of the groceries in my cart. Partly because I wanted her to see what goodies would be waiting for her at home. Partly because it gave me a grounded feeling to be in contact with someone outside the situation, to pretend that it was just a normal day at the grocery store. But mostly because I wanted to leave a digital trail of where I was. I wanted to be like Hansel and Gretl finding their way back out of the forest.
- Thanks to television, I also knew what not to do: Don’t talk to him. Don’t be distracted. Don’t encourage him. But don’t back down.
- It’s okay if I lose sleep over this for a few nights. I didn’t wake up in cold sweats last night. I’m not suddenly afraid of the dark. I didn’t have nightmares. But I did have trouble falling asleep. The reality of what happened mixed with the possibility of what could have happened, and those thoughts kept turning over in my head.
- “Sunlight” no longer equals “Safe”. Even in a crowded, sunlit store and parking lot, even with smiling strangers around, I
could have beenwas in danger.
- I’m smart. I’m strong. I’m powerful. And I can fight. I knew enough of what to do to be confident. I know that was a big help in backing him down. I wonder how much braver he would have been, if I had been less so. What would have happened if I’d been more demure and timid?
- I’m thankful for my voice. I’m thankful for my inner voice giving me peace and courage in the moment. I’m thankful for my writing voice to share my story after the fact. I’m thankful for my physical voice, and I’m especially thankful I didn’t have to use it.
- I’ll be okay. Because I was okay. Because ultimately, while this incident was, and still is, very scary, I’m okay. But now I can’t stop thinking about the many women who won’t be. Whether at the hands of this man or someone else, women are in danger. And that makes me sad. And that makes me angry. And that makes me want to do something about it. I just wish I knew what.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Jun 18, 2012 |
Dot and I watched one of her favorite movies tonight: Hide & Seek with Robert De Niro and Dakota Fanning. It’s one of those movies that still make us jump or hold our breath or scream. No matter how many times we watch it.
In true MomDot fashion, we opted to bring a little levity to the day by over-analyzing the movie. What follows are some of today’s observations, thrown in with those that are just general knowledge.
1. Creepy movies are always better when you have someone to watch with.
2. Creepy movies are always better in the dark.
3. Creepy movies always have creepy music, which is a dead giveaway to what happens next, except we’re always too engrossed in the movie to pay attention to the music until it blares its horrid signals of what just happened.
4. There will always be a stupid girl who goes down to the basement. Alone.
5. There will always be a stupid guy or cop or other civic-duty minded male who wants to prove his bravery by exploring the surroundings. Alone.
6. At any given time, the stupid girl and the stupid guy will find each other. Typically one will be either dead or near death when the other stumbles upon them, sometimes literally. And then of course the second one will be killed or nearly killed.
7. The good guy is never really the good guy. He is either the bad guy in disguise or the stupid guy who winds up dead.
8. When you’re in the middle of watching a creepy movie, the phone will ring causing you to jump in your seat and be laughed at by other people in the room.
9. When you’re in the middle of watching a creepy movie, if you have a pet, that pet will jump on you or howl or both. Just because they can.
10. During the quiet scenes, try not to scare the other people in the room. It’s not nice. And they will get you for it later.
11. Not all creepy movies are bloody and gory. Some are just great suspense stories.
12. All creepy movies have a stupid girl and a stupid guy.
13. The greatest suspense-movie writers are, in my book, Alfred Hitchcock, the early works of M. Night Shyamalan, Stephen King, and Steven Spielberg.
And since we’re at that lucky Number Thirteen, I’d say now is as good a time as any to call ‘er quits. Errmm… just for the post, you understand.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
May 28, 2012 |
I guess this is sort of a “Lessons Learned” post in reverse. Not so much lessons we’ve learned this last week, but more of a “What To Do” if you’re ever in the situation yourself.
One week ago, Dot’s boyfriend of over two and half years passed away. In the week since, we continue to experience an amass of emotions and while some people have been wonderfully considerate, we’ve had some experiences that could have been avoided.
This post is dedicated to helping people on the outside understand how they can (and can’t) help someone in mourning.
- Ask us what we need. Some need hugs, some need space. Some need both at different times.
- Understand that everyone mourns differently. While my daughter has chosen to spend most of her available time with her school friends, I’ve chosen to take a few hours each day to be alone or with a select few close friends. At the end of the day, we spend time together.
- Before you accuse us of being overly emotional, try to find out what’s going on. You may not like my posts on Facebook, you may call me a downer… but that was before you read the previous post about our loss. Take time to put things into perspective.
If someone is acting out of character, make sure you understand why before you approach them.
- Not everyone wants to talk about it. But there are times we need to talk. About anything. And sometimes about nothing. Don’t be surprised if we decide to ramble.
- Don’t keep trying to redirect the conversation back to who we’re mourning. We’ll talk when we’re ready.
- This is not the time to draw attention to yourself. Just because we can’t always talk about it, doesn’t mean we are ready to listen to stories that are about you in a self-centered way. A well-intentioned friend became upset when we didn’t give attention to her ten-stanza poem about our loss. While I respect her creative healing process, it was an inopportune time for her to ask us to give our attentions to such a project.
- Don’t compare our current situation with one of your past ones. Don’t tell us you know how we feel. And please never say, “It will get better” or “It will be okay”. Our hurts are individual. Our feelings are complex and we don’t even know how we feel. How can you possibly know us better than we know ourselves? And anyone who’s suffered such a loss can tell you, it never really goes away. It will get easier, some day, but right now it’s too soon to think about getting better. Right now, we’re just trying to remember how to breathe.
- Don’t drown us in prayers and Scripture. Mourning, even when done with other people, is a very private, solitary thing. And just as everyone mourns differently, our relationships with God also differ. I know my God, and He knows me, and He will get us through this. But it honestly does not help to hear over and over how the death of a loved one is part of His plan.
- Respect the Mourner when they tell you what they need/want. When I told someone I did not want to be touched or hugged, she did so while stating, “Oh, I don’t care. I’m going to anyway.” When I said I don’t want to talk about it, she said, “Oh, I know…” then proceeded to talk about it to me. This served no purpose other than to make me withdraw even more, given that my desires obviously didn’t matter to her.
- When we’re ready, let us vent! And be prepared: it won’t always make sense, even to us.
- We’re going through sadness, anger, confusion… unless we’re engaging in unhealthy behaviors like excessive drinking or not eating, let us get through it. Don’t tell us what we should or should not do. And don’t give us books or pamphlets on “how to grieve”. If we’re crying, we’re healing.
- Take control when you need to. My mom and our Second Family stepped up right away to help us just remember what we needed to do: to drive us the first day, to remind us to eat, to cook for us.
- Be there. Be here. Just be around. Let us know that it’s okay to call you at midnight when we can’t talk. Sit on the sofa when we don’t know if we need to talk or cry or be quiet.
- Surround us with gentle love. Encourage us to grieve. Let us laugh, and then cry when we realize we can still laugh. Let us stay as busy as we need to. Of course, if we’re staying too busy, settle us down. If we’re too isolated, draw us out.
- Dot’s friends have been surrounding her constantly. My friends have been calling daily. It’s been wonderful to have them all say, “What do you need?” and really mean it. It’s been great knowing I can still go to my Mom’s every day for that morning coffee and do nothing else but sit in quiet.
- When we’re ready to get back to the World, let us take it at our own pace. Don’t pressure us to “get out”, to socialize, to live. And even if we do, understand that doesn’t mean we’re back to “normal”. In fact, there is no longer a “normal”. There is now just a huge Before and After.
- Right now, the fact that the rest of the world hasn’t stopped moving and breathing with our loss is baffling. But we’re turtles. We’ll stick our heads out, look around, and move slowly… when we’re ready.
- And we’ll need you then as much as we need you now. Even if we don’t show it. Even if we don’t know it.
- And we’re not sure, or may be afraid to say this, but we Love you. We love you for respecting us. For being here with us. For listening to us. We just love you. But now we’re afraid you might die, too. So we might try to push you away. Don’t let us.
- Just love us.
SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE,
LOUKAS.
WE CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU DEEPLY.
Photo courtesy of Nicole Jenkins Photo. Used by permission.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
