May 16, 2014 |
Five Things Friday at Frankly, My Dear…
This week’s Five Things Friday is all about experiences. Those moments that are more than moments. Those times that leave more than memories. This week’s post is about the whole kit-and-caboodle.
Because I write (or perhaps influencing the way I write), life is more than just passing time. I love to absorb everything about everything. I want to relive it completely: the look, the feel, the sight, the smell, the sound. I enjoy watching strangers and making up stories about them. I like discovering the nitty-gritty of what makes people tick.
And while I’m healthiest when I’m writing, there are a handful of experiences I would love to be able to write about but haven’t yet.
These are my Five Things Friday Experiences.
1. National Police Week. My good friend Danny lost his brother nearly two years ago. [Read Dear Amy, I’m Just So Sorry For Your Loss.] Pat’s wife, Amy, and their four children continue to be a strong public symbol of faith and forgiveness. This last week, Danny was a part of the Police Unity Tour. He rode nearly 300 miles on a bicycle to draw attention to our fallen officers. While much pedaling isn’t on my Bucket List, doing what I can to support police officers and their families is a big deal. I’m proud of our selfless heroes, proud of Danny, and proud of Amy for continuing to show her strengths and vulnerabilities to the world. We need all the heroes we can get, and they need our support.
2. The Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writer’s Conference. Conferences are a great place to make connections and share writings. Several of my friends and colleagues speak at the BRMCWC and I’m hopeful to attend next year. Between now and then, I’ll do whatever I can to raise the funds necessary to get there. I’ve yet to attend any writer’s conference, and I can think of no better way to start than by going across the country to meet up with people I know and admire.
3. Book Tour. What kind of writer would I be if I didn’t rehearse television interviews and plan my agenda years in advance? Once NOLA is a best seller (think positive!), I’ll start in New York and travel my way around the United States with stops in Michigan, North Carolina, New Orleans (of course!), Texas, Arizona and wherever else I can land.
NOLA Inspiration
This is all actually just a clever ploy to meet up with family and friends. Selling books is secondary to my wish to see all my loved ones again.
4. Last Resorts. I’m not shy about admitting that I like to taste the finer things in life. Last week I was delightfully treated to my first dining experience at Duane’s Prime Steaks & Seafood, the elegant restaurant at my most favorite place, The Mission Inn in Riverside. It was beyond my expectations. It was magical. And yes, it was worth it. I’ve stayed at the Mission Inn once and would love to do so again. The Keeper of the Inn Suite, if you please.
Peaceful Morning
There, and the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island, Michigan. As a child, we would drive up to Mackinaw City each summer. Driving across the bridge was always so adventurous.
Mackinac Bridge [Photo by Danny O’Rourke; used by permission.]
5. Italy. My second home will be in Italy. Tuscany. Rome. Venice. It doesn’t matter. Italy is small enough that I can easily get from one place to another in a reasonable amount of time. Until then, my house will continue to look like an Italian countryside coffeehouse.
My Favorite Coffee Mugs
There are many more experiences on my Bucket List. But these are my top five.
What are yours?
And Frankly, My Dear . . . that’s all she wrote.
You may also enjoy reading:
FIVE THINGS FRIDAY: Everything Old is NEW Again
2014: BETTER.
I’m Afraid of My Own Success
FIVE THINGS FRIDAY: The Big Easy
Destination: Mission Inn, Riverside, CA
Destination: Grand Hotel, Mackinac Island, Michigan
Apr 27, 2014 |
By now you’ve probably heard the latest near-celebrity uproar that involves the owner of the L. A. Clippers basketball team, Donald Sterling, and his purported bigotry and hatred toward blacks and other minorities.
You’ve at least heard the shortened audio clip that is being broadcast nine ways to Sunday in an effort to “promote awareness”.
Let me be perfectly clear: I do not tolerate bigotry or prejudice in any fashion.
Having said that, I also don’t accept a blanket decision based on tid-bits and samplings. I prefer to discover the entire story and not make snap judgments.
I also have a problem with vilifying a person based on a conversation recorded by someone else.
Sure, Sterling said things that are highly inflammatory. Worse than that, it appears he really does think and feel in a disgusting, greater-than-thou matter.
But the girlfriend who recorded, and then broadcast, the conversation (or perhaps an edited version of several conversations), is not an innocent bystander. V Stiviano is just as guilty for promoting this hatred because of the manner in which it was done.
Doesn’t recording such a volatile discussion indicate forethought? A person doesn’t start rambling and say “Oh, I wish I’d recorded that.” There’s no magic button that can go back in time to record from the beginning of a conversation when it’s nearly over. No. The idea to record a conversation was already there. She knew she would need it.
And for what purpose? To trap Sterling into saying something vulgar?
I did a little research. I read the entire nine minute transcript. And I learned how the girlfriend has been accused of embezzlement and how she threatened to “get even”.
My point is this. Sterling has admitted to being bigoted and prejudiced. Those beliefs and behaviors are disgusting and dangerous.
But so is the mindset of recording conversations with the intent to use them later. Stiviano is not innocent. Sterling is not innocent. I don’t like giving people like that publicity.
But as long as the news will continue to show small clip bits and use colossal words like “angry” and “mob mentality”, I will speak up and use words like “acceptance” and “love” and “okay”.
I’m not perfect. Far from it. But my imperfections have nothing to do with the color of my skin, my gender, or even my country. My imperfections come from being human. And since we all are, I promote peace and forgiveness.
Shame on you, Sterling, for thinking you’re something greater. And shame on you, Stiviano, for using underhanded means to get your point across.
Neither of you are getting an invitation to any of my holiday parties.
And Frankly, My Dear . . . that’s all she wrote!
Apr 22, 2014 |
I’m afraid of my own success. What if achieving my dreams means changing everything I know about my life?
I am my own worst enemy. I love stability of structure and I’m not one to shed the security blanket easily.
But often, blank pages hold just as much accusations as they do promise.
Blank Pages are the World’s Canvas
I play the “What If” game too often because, in the past, the “What If’s” happened. The bad ones. The oh-my-God-this-could-only-happen-to-me and the I’m-one-in-a-million-and-not-in-a-good-way ones. The I’m-being-sabotaged-and-no-one-will-stand-up-for-me ones. The life-will-never-be-the-same-again ones.
And I really love stability.
So when anything comes along that can upset the apple cart, I get nervous.
I’ve had to learn to recognize my anxiety triggers. I know to avoid too much coffee on those high-adrenaline days. I have a “smart shopping” checklist on my iPhone for those necessary eat-out-but-not-fast-food days. The older I get, the better I am at listening to my body. My emotions may want chocolate ganache, but my bloodstream craves caffeine-free Gatorade.
Better sleep + better foods = better emotions.
So the anxiety doesn’t get to me like it used to. Of course, there are certain elements that are no longer around. That helps, too. You know what I’m talking about: those button-pusher people who are as good at backstabbing as they are at infiltrating. Those situations that belong on a soap opera and not in my life. I’ve been lucky to distance myself from the hurts and the hurtful. But their shadows remain.
I’ve had to retrain myself to not be afraid, the way others wanted to keep me afraid. Of sharing myself. Of living authentically. Of being the Me I’m supposed to be. Their false condemnations that who I was wasn’t good enough, would never be good enough. That I had deep, dark secrets to be spilled instead of forgiveness to be shared.
But now I know.
I’m better than that.
I’m better than what they said.
I’m better.
But I’m still afraid.
I’m still okay with the bad “What If’s”. The ones I can’t control.
But . . .
What if I am successful? What if I achieve everything I know I’m meant to do?
What if I conquer it all . . .
And I win?
The last few years were so hard. You’ve heard my poverty stories before. I know I’m not unique. I know there are many more people out there fighting just like me to save their homes and feed their families and do a thousand dollars worth of repairs on a nickel budget. People who don’t have the resources that I have, people who don’t have other people to come alongside them and cheer them on or pull them back on to the path.
And I’m not trying to complain. But my life is such a dichotomy between the dregs of the economy and the elation of my soaring words.
I don’t want to be stuck here any more. I don’t want to whine and complain and worry and cry.
But I do.
Yet, I see my way out. I see the path that I’ve laid, and I see where it’s going.
I no longer put the word “aspiring” before “writer” when I tell people what I do. I am a writer. I am a good writer. The rest of the world will soon discover how great a writer I am.
My “new” workspace ~ a real desk!
In the last two months, just eight short weeks, my writing universe has grown by leaps and bounds. I have my desk. I’ve met some wonderful people who are turning out to be great connections. I saw the need for a position with my writers club and asked to create it. [The result was a resounding yes: I’m now the official Social Media Manager for the California Writers Club, High Desert Branch, come join the fun on Facebook.] All four books are progressing fast. I might soon have The Unemployment Cookbook on local bookstore shelves. My critique group is essential to me in a craft capacity, and a fellowship.
All these are the beginnings of what I have always prayed for, always held my breath and crossed my fingers for. All these are essential to me being Me.
To be able to put food on the table and gas in the car and pay the bills on time and stop these damned collection calls and not “borrow” money that everyone knows until I win the lottery I will never be able to pay it back.
And that scares me, too. It scares me because it’s possible financial stability is on the five-year horizon. If I don’t need my family, my mommy and brothers, any more, will they still need me?
If Megan and I obtain all we’re reaching for, do I have to give up being home every night with Dot and our FurFamily?
If I don’t have to worry about tomorrow as much as I currently do, what will I do with that happiness?
I don’t want to be arrogant or a celebrity. I just want to be the best writer I can possibly be. I want to share my stories with the world. And yes, I would like to know that my stories make a difference.
And make money. Let’s be real. This is how I want to pay my bills. This is how I long to provide for my family.
For my family.
MoJo & Dot
And so I write my stories. My poems. My blogs. My thoughts and suspicions and dreams and nightmares. And I share them. And I collect them for future publication. And I keep on writing it out. Because I can’t be the only one who thinks like this, right? I can’t be the only one who feels so incomplete and so uplifted at the same time . . . right?
This is my calling. To be the best writer I know how to be. To tell the world about life in a way that can only be told by me.
But I’m not there yet. I’m still taking the journey. And at times it’s dark and twisty and scary. My heart pounds inside my chest and I can’t catch my breath.
What If I’m wrong? What If my path is a dead-end? What If those shadows are still waiting to sabotage me? What If I lose the house before I earn enough to save it? What If more bad than good happens?
Can I keep going on?
Yes.
So I let my light shine. From inside. Whatever light I have, I broadcast it.
Sometimes it’s a candle. Sometimes it’s the sun.
The end of the path will never be a reality. I’m thankful for that. With each step taken, there’s another step to take.
While I’m still here, still bringing with me the pains of the past, still glimpsing an uncertain future, I do know this: I have something to say.
And I can say it well.
I just need the rest of the world to listen.
As I sit here drafting this post, trying not to complain, trying to look for the light and not worry about tomorrow or the distractions it brings, my friend Janice posted this on her Facebook profile:
“Strength & resilience emerge by your own will to become a better person, no matter what downfalls happen in your life… be your own hero.”
Thanks, Janice. You are, as always, the right person at the right time.
How do you like them apples?!
How Do You Like Them Apples?!
“Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.” [Luke 12:22-23, NIV]
And Frankly, My Dear . . . that’s all she wrote!
You may also enjoy reading:
Apples
Poverty: My Story
I am Defined. And I am a Mystery.
This post is linked up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say. Because sometimes, we just can’t.
