You know me, right? You know when I usually put up a title it has a different or double meaning. So when you read “bad credit” I’m sure you’re thinking, She can’t really mean ‘bad credit’. It must be some trick word usage like ‘bad’ as in ‘sick’ or ‘awesome’ and ‘credit’ like those things that roll at the end of a movie. That’s it. This Girl saw an awesome movie and she’s gonna tell us all about it.
So, while that’s a fantastic interpretation of how my mind works at times, and maybe in the future I’ll use it as such, this post really is about just that: bad credit.
Here’s the not-so-secret secret. I have struggled with debt and bad credit for the better part of the last twenty-five years. Why am I telling you this? Because I recently discovered something awesome:
I am not alone.
For a really long time ~ and by really, I mean really ~ I felt like I was. And it wasn’t until I started to share my story with people outside my family that the fog of shame and self-imposed stigma started to lift.
I felt ugly. I was having screaming matches with the people who love me and who have, for the better part of these years, helped me in some form or another. My self-worth tanked every time the phone identified “Call from Unavailable.” I was jealous when Facebook told me how others ate out and went to movies. Here I was trying to decide between cat food, a gallon of milk, or a little more gas in the car.
Sure, things weren’t always horrific. I had good seasons that included Disneyland passes, trips to the bookstore, and last year’s writing conferences. Every payday I allowed myself a McDonald’s meal and a Starbucks. But those sparkling gems were few and far between.
Most of the time, I was waking up with anxiety. I’m not saying I grew anxious as the day went on. I’m saying, I woke up that way. I would go through bouts of not being able to drink coffee or eat breakfast because my stomach was in tumbles. I unplugged the phone at home just to get some peace and quiet. I was feeling sick, tired, worn out.
I WAS DONE.
There has to be a way out, right? Or was I destined to always feel like this? Do I attract debt? The answer is yes. And no. There were quite a few circumstances out of my control that contributed to my building debt. And there are habits that keep me there.
Unemployment, medical bills from several ~ and by several, I mean twelve ~ car accidents (never my fault, thank you for your concern), and the loss of child support when Dot turned eighteen. All these led steadily to the demise of what I like to call, my free money.
As much as I tightened the belt, I was just in over my head, upside down, sideways, and very, very shaken.
The triggering event was a radio commercial for debt relief. I was amazed at how they knew just what my situation was and how a quick loan would help me immediately.
Is This Thing On?
For about eight seconds I thought of calling. Then I jumped off that horse and put the phone down.
I mean, can you imagine what the interest rate must be on a quick loan with no credit check? [Hint: Way more than I could ever pay back.] And if there’s no credit check, what do they use for collateral? Employment verification, I think. Maybe a vehicle. Well, I certainly wouldn’t want them calling my boss if I was ten minutes late on a payment. Or taking my awesome little putt-putt away. Let’s face it: I’m already late on payments. Shifting debt from one source to another doesn’t alleviate the problem. It just shifts it. That’s why this commercial got my attention.
And then something else got my attention. The realization that I wasn’t the only one who had heard that commercial. I don’t live in a metropolis, and a lot of people don’t listen to the radio. But even so, if just a fraction of the population heard that commercial and thought of calling, how many others must feel there’s no way out from under the debt storm?
You know the old saying. When it rains, it pours. We usually say that when negative things happen. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could pay attention to the storm of sunshine when it comes? What if, instead of hiding under dark umbrellas, they were fun, bright little things sticking out of our drinks in paradise? Or, turned upside down, and we could use them to collect pennies from heaven?
Every time it rains, it rains pennies from Heaven.
My plan is to share with you in future posts how I am overcoming my debt. I’ll be transparent about what works and doesn’t work for me. No, you don’t get to see my financials. That part is none of your business, but thanks for asking.
I’m also not a debt collector, licensed life coach, credit counselor or financial adviser. So here’s the disclaimer part: Any post relating to getting out of debt or managing money is strictly my personal experience and observances. I share them to let others know
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I share them to give hope. There’s power in the knowledge that even though it looks like things are getting darker, there’s always some form of light.
There’s still a lighthouse.
Here’s the thing: It does get better. I promise. You can learn different habits, discover hidden treasures, use what you didn’t know were assets.
The Unemployment Cookbook is the blessed result of needing to feed my small family with a small amount of groceries. Little did I know at the time I started creating these changeable recipes that it would start me on the road to self-publishing and turn into a constant seller.
The Unemployment Cookbook, Second Edition
I hope you start to count the sunrises each day, and find lots of pennies on your journey to paying down your debt.
I didn’t mean for this post to be just a teaser, but it’s already pretty long so the next part will have to wait.
I’d love to read comments and questions from you:
Are you struggling with debt?
Do you have any advice that can help others?
What are your thoughts on money?
And if you feel that your debt is going to swallow you whole, if it is consuming the lifeblood from you, please please please talk to someone. It’s okay to be in debt. Nearly everyone is, one way or another. It’s how you treat it, how you take care of it, that matters.
But know this:
Not being able to pay your debts does not make you a failure. It takes a hundred pennies to make a dollar. Start slow. Don’t expect miracles. Your debt didn’t happen overnight. Neither will the solution. Stay the course. And fill that jar.
My Penny Jar
You’ll get there.
Finally, because I thing the world needs more upside down umbrellas and happy songs, I leave you with some snazzy tap dancing. Enjoy.
Last night I was holding on so tight, begging for resolution that didn’t come.
I asked Him, “Why?”
He pried my hands lose so He could hold them.
He said, “Stop limiting me.”
I said, “Why aren’t you fixing this? I mean, I’m trying to trust you and all, but why aren’t you fixing this?”
He said, “Who says I’m not?”
I stomped. I pointed. I whined.
I said, “Because it’s not fixed! I can see it’s not fixed. How am I supposed to trust you when you’re not fixing what you said you’d fix?”
He said, again, “Who said I’m not?”
I turned my back and hummphed at Him.
I said, “Because it’s not fixed.”
He said, “What does ‘fixed’ look like to you?”
So I told Him.
Then He said, “That’s different than what it looks like to Me.”
I said, “Yeah. Your ‘fix’ isn’t the same. So it’s not fixed!”
He said, “So you have a problem.”
I said, “Yes, I do.”
Then He asked, “And you also have the solution?”
I said, “Of course not. That’s why I’m coming to you.”
He said, “So you have a problem. And you don’t have a solution. but you ‘know’ my solution isn’t working because you can’t see the ‘fix’. Is that it?”
I got angry. “Yes! That’s it!”
He said, “So you know what ‘fixed’ looks like. And you’ve been asking me to ‘fix’ this problem according to your vision.”
I said, “Yup. That’s right. So here’s my problem. Fix it. Fix it this way.”
And He said, “I’ve been trying to fix it. But you’re asking for the wrong solution.”
I said, “I’m confused.”
And I’m pretty sure He laughed. Gently, but He laughed.
“I know,” He said. “You have a problem, and you think you also have the solution. But you can’t have both. One precludes the other.”
Of course, I wanted to be snippy and say, “Oh, God. You just think you know everything don’t you?”
But of course, He does.
And I don’t.
So I stepped back.
And He was right.
My prayers aren’t answered because they’re the wrong prayers. They’re not answered, because I’m not giving Him the chance.
If I have the solution, I no longer have the problem. If I have the problem, obviously my solution doesn’t work.
I have to take myself out of the Solution Box.
And a funny thing happens when I do.
It gives God room to fill it.
HIS way.
And let’s face it.
Dad’s way is best.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.” (Ecclesiastes 11:5)
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:7-8)
Remember when I went to Blue Ridge and so many crazy awesome writing-editing connection things happened? And how I drank lots of sweet tea?
Sweet Tea at Blue Ridge
And remember how, before I went, I was big on collecting pennies and coins in my jar?
My Penny Jar
And you know how I have a writer’s mind so I link cause-and-effect like other people don’t? Well . . .
Say hello to my new “jar”.
Sweet Savings
Every time I drop a coin or bill into my Sweet Savings bottle, it’s a reminder of what I’m striving for. And the fact that it’s a much bigger container than the little jar is an indicator of just how big my dreams are.
But wait . . . there’s more.
I’d not found pennies on the sidewalk for quite a while. At least a month. And y’all know how I feel about pennies, right? They’re the essential building block for life.
The Penny Parable, available at Amazon
So I’m starting to feel a little let down, you know? A little ignored by God. Oh, stop! You say. Not finding a penny does not equate being abandoned by God. I know that.
Don’t you think I know that?
And yet . . . as I’m sipping my sweet tea, and missing my Blue Ridge peeps, and wondering why I’m not finding pennies, God creeps into my psyche. You know how He does. That still, small voice that hijacks your thought process and turns you on your heels because you secretly asked Him to even though you’re not sure want to admit it.
So the prayer-conversation went something like this:
ME: Go away.
GOD: Is that really what you want?
ME: Yes. Maybe. No. I don’t know. I’m mad at you. Go away so it’s easier for me to be mad at you.
GOD: Why are you mad at me?
ME: Because I miss my people. And I have unfulfilled dreams. And you haven’t given me teddy bears or pennies for a really long time. I miss that.
GOD: You know why I used to give you teddy bears and pennies?
ME: Because you loved me. And you know I collect teddy bears and pennies. They used to call me the ‘Teddy Bear Rescue Mission’ because I’d find so many abandoned teddy bears on the roadside. I’d take them home and fix them up. And I still have them. And the pennies state right there ‘In God We Trust’. And when I needed to remember to trust You, You’d give me a penny. Or more. And You haven’t lately. Nothing. At all.
GOD: I don’t give you pennies as often because you already know to trust me. You still trust me. You don’t need the reminder.
ME: I know. But it’s still nice to be told You’re thinking of me.
GOD: I’m always thinking of you. And I don’t give you teddy bears any more because you don’t need them. The bears I used to give you were for comfort and security. You’re growing up nicely and don’t need that any more.
ME: I know, but . . .
GOD: But you still want them. I understand. And when you appreciate those gifts as gifts I’ll let you find them again. But right now, you want them for the wrong reasons. Right now, you want them so you don’t feel alone.
ME: Yes.
GOD: But you’re not alone. And you know that.
ME: Yes.
GOD: I have something better for you to collect: People.
ME: People?
GOD: People. Every person you know is worth treasuring. Some are more valuable than others, and some are older than others. But every one is a treasure.
ME: I’m a people-collector?
GOD: Yes.
ME: So you’re telling me I don’t need pennies or teddy bears, but I do need people. And these coins are symbolic of the people in my life. Past, present, and future. The people I interact with are important. They are my fun, my security, my soft hugs, my reprimands, my world.
GOD: Yes.
ME: You know, when you put it that way, my treasures far outweigh what’s contained in this bottle. There’s family, writers, church, the day job, Facebook peeps, supporters.
GOD: I know.
[Insert seriously long pause as I contemplate the need to recognize the value in others, and the necessity of showing others how valuable they are to me.]
ME: Hey, God?
GOD: Yes, Child?
ME: Will you be my first penny?
GOD: I thought you’d never ask.
Remember when I was so excited to sign on as a Jamberry consultant? Remember what a thrill it was when I hosted my first party, earned my first commission, and reached my first goal?
My Mother’s Day Jamberry Nails
Me, too. I’m loving my Jamberry Journey. It’s like scrapbooking on your fingertips – there’s no wrong combination, and you’re only limited by your imagination.
Jamberry Nails: Mad Hatter and Word to the Wise
I mean, you can even upload your own designs to the Jamberry Nail Art Studio. How freaking amazing is that?
Tonight I tried the Indulgence Hand Care Set for the first time. Like, wow! I didn’t know naked nails could look so good!
Naked Fingers made healthy with Jamberry Indulgence
I’m just having way too much fun. In fact, it’s been so great, I’m making more memories. And friends. And videos.
Well, one video.
Okay, so maybe you’re a guy (William or Danny) who doesn’t need his nails done. Or maybe you’re more tomboy-ish or just don’t do nails. So maybe you’re thinking, you don’t want to see this video.
And I agree. If you think it’s about the Jamberry Nail Wraps, please, do not watch this video.
But if you could give This Girl a shout out and appreciate my newly-rediscovered video editing skills (thankyouverymuch, Babycakes MacBook Pro), I’d sure appreciate it like a cool water on a hot day.
Granted I’m no Francis Ford Coppola, but I think I did okay.
What do you think? I personally think it’s kinda jammin’. (See what I did there?)
Thanks for watching. We now return you to your regularly scheduled manicure.
Last week I had a Skype session with Keri Jaehnig of Idea Girl Media. We went to school in Michigan before we both moved away. Naturally our conversation took on the what-do-you-like-where-you’re-at-now direction.
I sipped my sweet tea and listened as she told me about her new digs, and I thought, surely I could come up with at least five things to like about Ohio. Can’t I?
Let’s test this theory . . .
5. Ohio State University. I mean the colors alone are worth loving this Big Ten university. Am I right? Red and white. It just screams Christmas all year ’round. Don’t get me wrong, though. I live for the yearly battle against UM. I’ll forever be maize and blue. As my friend Cyle and I discussed at Blue Ridge, ’tis far, far better to be from Ohio and drive north to Michigan for schooling, than it is to be from Michigan and head south of the border.
Santa or Ohio? I get confused . . .
4. Buckeyes. Not to be confused with edible chestnuts, buckeyes are “moderately toxic”. Your stomach will not be your friend if you ingest these lookalikes. Buckeye trees once populated Ohio’s lands, and were made even more popular during William Henry Harrison’s 1840 Presidential campaign. That’s cool. I’m just a fan of that dark brown hue.
Chestnuts or Buckeyes?
3. Fireflies (Lightning Bugs). During summer breaks, we would drive south to visit family in Toledo. We loved starting the trip at dusk, as thousands of lightning bugs lit up the fields. I couldn’t find a decent firefly photo, but here’s an awesome firefly in a jar craft that Dot and I did several years ago.
Fireflies in a Jar (Craft)
2. Cedar Point. This amusement park is home to one of America’s largest Ferris wheels. I’ve never been on the Giant Wheel and given my fear of heights and propensity for quick-onset vertigo, it’s a good chance I never will. Still, I have many marvelous summer memories of my times at Cedar Point, from the amazing food venues to my first roller coaster, Blue Streak.
Cedar Point Giant Wheel
1. But the best reason to like Ohio (and you can’t tell me y’all didn’t see this one coming), is that the longest it will take you is about five hours to get from the southern most part of Ohio up to Michigan.
The Mitten of Michigan.
And there you have it. Five reasons why this former Michigander will always like Ohio.
So, what do you like best about your neck of the woods?
Tweet this: Not being able to pay your debts does not make you a failure. #badcredit #credit #debt #countyourpennies @realmojo68
