Feb 6, 2012 |
A few days ago I mentioned that I rejected a freelance writing opportunity.
While I know it was the right thing to do, I was disappointed. Disappointed with the lack of finances (and my need for more!), disappointed with a failed opportunity, disappointed with so much.
While endeavoring to be a paid writer I’ve also been trying to find a day job to pay the bills. That hasn’t offered much hope either.
So. I admit that God and I had a bit of a talk. Actually, it was more of a child kicking and screaming to get attention from the adult. Without actually throwing a temper tantrum, I admit that my heart really wanted to. I prattled off all my worries and concerns and the reasons I’m not sleeping as well as I used to and don’t forget the recurring knee injury and what is up with this cold weather and wind and by the way do you think just once I could win the lottery? Or at least a few decent writing assignments? Is that really too much to ask?
I learned a few things that day.
*First: It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad and discouraged. It is not okay to wallow or lose hope. But it’s totally okay be tired and cry it out.
*Second: Crying can be good. Admitting your disappointments out loud can be cathartic. Telling your worries to your mother over a tear-stained coffee cup can even lead to some unintentionally humorous conversations.
*Third: God loves me and will take care of me no matter what. Even when He doesn’t give me what I want, He gives me what I need and protects me from what I deserve. What I think I need is not what I really need. And that thought terrifies me because I don’t like the unknown. But if all I know is God will take care of me, and my family, then that’s what I have to go on.
*Fourth: Proverbs 22:1 (NIV): “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” I could sell my writings almost anywhere. I could write the kind of stories that would sell big, but in doing so I would compromise my style, my faith, and my name. I could write for people who don’t care about quality. I could write, and get paid. But I’d rather keep my Good Name. Because in doing so, I’m trusting God for the rest. (See Bullet Three above).
I kept praying for direction answers my will to be accomplished. Until I realized this is the first of many rejection notices I’ll receive. I just happen to be the one doing the rejection this time. And I’m okay with that.
I’m a firm believer that when God closes one door, He opens another.
The same day I rejected this freelance opportunity, another one came my way. One that will be mutually beneficial to myself and the business I’m writing for. One that leaves me no doubt that God had this lined up before I even thought of rejecting the first one.
And then of course I felt pretty foolish for having stomped my feet and threw my fists in the air (no, not literally!). But it’s a good thing to know that God loves me know matter what. It’s an even better thing to know He knows what’s really in my heart.
Psalm 50:15 (NIV): ” and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you will honor me.”
Yeah. I’m keeping my Good Name. Because it comes from My Father. And after all, Father Knows Best.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Jan 15, 2012
Almost everyone’s familiar with the Tortoise and the Hare: that arrogant, got-it-all rabbit taunting the always-trudging turtle in a race to the finish. In the end of course is the predictable winner: the turtle. Why? Because he kept at it. Whereas the rabbit thought he was so far ahead he could chill out, relax, goof off. Well too much partying left him in the dust and that little turtle kept on trucking and made it through the challenges to cross that winning line first.
I think sometimes I’m that turtle. There are so many people that not only know what they want to be when they grow up, but have what they need to get there from the get-go. People my age have children (even grandchildren!). They’ve already had a 20-year career at something. They started young and zoomed ahead. Some will continue, but some will fall asleep at the wheel.
Then there’s me. I’ve always known I want to write. But I was pretty sure I also needed to pay the bills so those two tasks have been mutually exclusive.
Until now.
Because now I’m serious about writing. And being published. And supporting my family that way.
I’m taking baby steps. I’m learning my way. I’m stumbling a little but running a lot. And I don’t know where the finish line is. I just know I’m going to cross it.
Soon.
I have no regrets about waiting this long to even get into the race.
I’m just happy I get to finish this one… then move on to the next.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Jan 14, 2012
The idea behind a stream of consciousness posting is to write (or type) for a set amount of time (typically five minutes), and not pay much attention to it. No corrections allowed. No changes. Just keep typing out your thoughts and see what happens.
I’m doing this now because it’s after 10 pm on Friday and I have no other idea of what to do for my blog post! I liked it better when I had several days scheduled ahead of time.
This weekend we’re starting a few spring cleaning projects. First up is reorganizing my daughter’s closet. Yes, she’s a teenager and fully capable of doing it herself. But with everything else she handles, why not make this one a family project? I’ll be taking her and my mom out to lunch as a break halfway through the day.
I haven’t kept up with my Bible reading which I was hoping to get caught up on this weekend. It’s looking more like that will happen on Monday.
I have two cats snuggled against me right now. They’re keeping me warm and cozy. =)
I recently started recording “Biography” again. I used to watch it all the time. Today I watched an episode about Erik Estrada and it made me mad because some of it was wrong, and he left out details about his extended family. I know this because I live in Southern California and actually went to high school with one of his relatives. And how I know this kid wasn’t just saying he was a relative, is because aside from the same last name, they were practically identical, other than a few years age difference. (Okay, more than a few, but still!). You can’t even believe a biography! Grrrr.
I want to make a hole in my wall. I do! I want to make a pass-through opening in the large wall of my living room. Except that’s where my daughter’s room is, so I guess I won’t be cutting any walls until she moves out. I’d rather keep her here, so I’m good with no hole in the wall.
I can’t wait to meet with Megan next week so I can see her newest book purchase. She says it will inspire our story series. I’m completely excited!
I may do this SOCS thing every Saturday. It makes for an easy post.
Okay, time’s up. Confession: I corrected all my typos. It’s complete habit to do so. There weren’t that many, anyway… or so I say….
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Jan 8, 2012
No sooner do I commit to Daring to Be an Awesome Orange, when the Fates decide to test my resolve.
I won’t go into great details, because it’s a horrifically long story, but the same day I choose my Three Words was the same day I ended up getting lost on the freeways of Southern California. Again. I will post that entire story some other time, but let’s just say that while I wanted to just pull over and call a cab, I didn’t have the money for a personal driver and then that darned word kept humming inside my head. Dare, it said. Dare to be daring. I dare you. And all I could think of was, this is pretty much the first adventure of the New Year. How would it look if I failed?
So I quickly got my bearings, turned around, and made it to my destination. The beauty of where I live is I could end up at the Beach, in the Mountains, or in East L.A., and still be just over an hour from home. Once I got on the right freeway, I took a deep breath, turned up the Frank Sinatra, and sang my way home. It was Awesome.
24 hours later, I got a call from Julie (for those of you new to my blog, Julie’s my best friend, my VIP, and next to my mom, she’s my Go-To Gal for relationships, parenting advice, girl talk… and coffee!). She needs my help next week in a big way. While she was telling me this, I found myself holding my breath.
I’m not opposed to helping out my friends, fundamentally. But when it comes down to it, I’m afraid of trying to help some friends, because I’m also afraid of letting them down. What if I make mistakes? What if I don’t do it right? What if I screw things up? I don’t want that hanging over our friendship. I don’t want to be un-friended on facebook for that. I want to keep my friends. And add new ones to the list.
But if I don’t step out and help Julie, she’ll never know that I really treasure her. I can’t keep our friendship in a bubble. She means enough to me to do things that make me nervous. Because I know she’d do the same for me. And I again had that word humming in my head. Dare. Dare. Dare! So I dared to say Yes. Yes, I can help. Yes, I can do a good job. Yes, our friendship will withstand the little mistakes we make. Yes.
And yes listening, really listening, to Monique, whom you’ll hear about soon. We’ve rekindled our friendship and she’s going to be a plethora of information as she and her fiance’ delve into the world of writing, formatting, publishing, and marketing together. I’ll be on the sidelines, cheering them on. Because I know when it’s my turn they’ll be doing the same.
And I bet our Pom Poms will be orange.
Who could ask for anything more?
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Jan 6, 2012
It’s 11:30 p.m. Thursday night, and I’m exhausted. I have a full day in front of me tomorrow. I just don’t have the brain power or the physical energy to put forth an astonishing post for Friday morning.
So in lieu of a decent post, here’s my Post To-Do List (those great little articles you get to look forward to reading about!):
*My decision regarding self-publication and what it might mean to me and my writing partner
*Why the freeways of Southern California are completely against me
*Three Little Words (they’re not “I Love You”)
*My Day at Disneyland: January, 2012
*Learning to Trust in Trust
*Ruben Casserole Recipe from my Mom
And whatever else I can come up with. So have a wonderful day. I’m off to a wonderful sleep.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
