Jul 16, 2012 |
I just published Hidden Files, about discovering some old writings I’d forgotten or pushed to the sides. I found writings I’d intended to publish on a former Blog. It was a blog that had three readers, and lasted four or five months. For obvious reasons, I shut it down and started Frankly, My Dear… which seems to be doing so much better. [Thank you, kind readers!]
I came across these two in particular. I apologize they’re a bit unclear; the only way to capture the entire essence and word structures was to save them as a PDF-photo and enlarge them here. It makes the letters a bit blurred; but still readable.
I was surprised at the raw honesty of these two posts. The cursing of emotions that I was willing to announce. But mostly, I’m pleased because I can now look at it from The Other Side instead of In The Moment. I am no longer That Girl in That Moment. I am now The Girl Who Grew.
I’m at peace with different events in my life. I’m at peace with the absence of what I once thought was love. Now, before you get all riled up in my defense, I will add this disclaimer: I’m very good friends with the “enemy” of these posts. He knows I write about him now and then. We talk often. He was a lousy almost-boyfriend; but he’s always been the best of friends.
And I’m at peace with the experience. It was years ago when I was younger and unsure of myself. I had little to offer someone else, other than, as he affectionately tells me, requests for High Maintenance.
I read these posts yesterday. And I smiled.
Because I’m not who I was. I’m who I am. And even that’s not Who I’ll Be.
And I’m okay with that.
Because I’m living for the future.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Apr 21, 2012 |
A few years ago I wrote a little prose called “He loves me. He loves me not.” Ever since then, I’ve had the idea to compile some of my writings, poems and prose, into a collection that explains my relationship with God and Christ.
It’s not meant to be preachy. Not meant to be One Size Fits All. Just my story, and the story of my Walk with God. The peaks and valleys, the sunlight and the shadows. It’s going to be full of emotion, honesty, and even denial.
One of my brothers has graciously given me permission to use photos he’s taken of desert wildlife to enhance the book, add visual drama to the pages. For this, I am incredibly grateful. So imagine, just imagine my giggly joy when I woke up this morning to find an email link to those photos.
I. Am. So. Happy!
Here are just a few of the great photos that he took, that I’ll be featuring in the book:
So far, the one I love the most is the one I call Desert Beauty:
Aren’t they great? I’m thankful to have these visual cues to help me format what I’ve already written. It makes my prose so much better, don’t you think?
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Dec 20, 2011 |
The other day I was driving on Main Street when I came upon a slow moving car, following a slow bulldozer trying to make its way in traffic. The three of us, and others, stopped in line for a red light.
That’s when I saw it.
The license plate.
The vanity plate.
It wasn’t anything special. And it took me a moment to figure it out.
And then I realized. I’ve seen that plate before. On a different vehicle. Years ago.
And then I realized…
It must be driven by one of them. A member of that family; his family.
That license plate is a vanity plate belonging to the family of a former boyfriend.
And I’m driving right behind them.
Oh, joy.
It’s been about 15 years since I broke up with him and his family. And every now and then I see him about town. And every time, I get a little snobby. A little proud. A little taller. A little How Do You Like Me Now? attitude.
I know I shouldn’t. I know it’s vain. But let’s be real. If he was a keeper, I would have kept him. Right?
There’s a reason (or two… or ten) why that relationship ended, and I don’t for a moment miss it. I love the person I’ve become since then. But every now and then, I’m reminded that even I am capable of making really stupid choices.
The point is, to pick up and move on. And I’ve done that. Every now and then it’s okay to look back and see how far I’ve come, how I’ve changed, how I’ve grown.
But every now and then, I guess I get a little arrogant. I don’t mean to. But every now and then, I take a little pride that on those few-and-far-between days that he spies me out and about, I still look better than I did. I still stand up for myself, and am nobody’s doormat.
Most of all, the dreams we had 15 years ago… well, mine are coming true. And since he’s still in this general area, I know for a fact his are not.
The light turned green. And in that split-second writer’s inspiration that I get, I thought it was very apropo as I accelerated and drove around the slow moving, road-blocking tractor and car making their turn down another road.
Did they recognize me? I have no idea. I’m not one to keep looking in the rear-view mirror. I just prayed as I passed and happily thought There but for the Grace of God go I.
Apr 19, 2011 |
by Molly Jo Realy @MollyJoRealy
Anyone who knows me, knows I’ve recently rediscovered my affinity for the Backstreet Boys.
I fully admit, I have always been one of those girls who dreams of the fairy tale rescue and swoons over love lyrics sung by boy bands. It’s not so much the love stuff as it is, I’ve just always liked bubble gum music. To be honest, I’m sure they could sing about cow patties and I’d find it extremely wonderful.
And on a day when I felt like a cow patty, it was the Backstreet Boys and God who made me feel better.
Have you ever had one of those days where you just don’t know what’s going on? A day where you feel troubled, lonely, sad, or just mellow? A day when everyone else seems content and you seem… left out?
I had a day like that. Friday, February 18, 2011. There was no reason for it. I wasn’t harassed or bothered by anyone. In fact, nobody even noticed. I think that was the point. And in my loneliness, I started thinking about past relationships. I quickly found myself noting the good qualities I missed, and glossing over the bad traits that I’d left. Isn’t that what loneliness does to us? Takes away reality and leaves us with false memories through rose-colored glasses?
I turned to the greatest Love Letter ever written: the Bible. Since it was the 18th, I read Proverbs 18. And came upon verse 10: “The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” I had a beautiful vision of running away from the men of my past, running from their hurts and their intentions, the broken pieces of me that they kept chipping away… and I ran, instead to the arms of my Beloved, my Savior. As I called upon the name of My LORD, He opened his arms. With one arm He scooped me, curled and ashamed, into His protection; with the other, He drew His shield of protection to cover me, us; and thwarted any attacks meant to hurt me. I was safe. Safe in His arms. I breathed in His heavenly scent and relaxed.
I kept that feeling of protection, of worthiness, with me throughout the day. A few hours later I needed to get a few things from the local Target, and as I was passing by the cd’s, I saw it. The Backstreet Boys’ playlist cd. Fourteen of their greatest hits at a discount price. It called me. It called me loudly!
The weather in February is always fickle. I was lucky enough to have one of our first warm days of the year, and a moon-roof in my car that begged to be opened. I put the cd in and was transported back to summer days, long nights, giggling girls, college dates … more emotion than memory. I felt… happy.
The second song began to play. I found myself driving detours back to work just to make it last. My Proverbs Experience came to the forefront, and I was drowned in these words, sung by a boy band; placed in my heart by The Man. I’ll never listen to it the same way ever again.
Truly, no matter where I go, or what I do… I am loved. By the One who loves me back.
Go ahead. Google the lyrics to “As Long As You Love Me.” You’ll see exactly what I mean.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
