Tag Archives: relationship

Vanity

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The other day I was driving on Main Street when I came upon a slow moving car, following a slow bulldozer trying to make its way in traffic. The three of us, and others, stopped in line for a red light.

That’s when I saw it.

The license plate.

The vanity plate.

It wasn’t anything special. And it took me a moment to figure it out.

And then I realized. I’ve seen that plate before. On a different vehicle. Years ago.

And then I realized…

It must be driven by one of them. A member of that family; his family.

That license plate is a vanity plate belonging to the family of a former boyfriend.

And I’m driving right behind them.

Oh, joy.

It’s been about 15 years since I broke up with him and his family. And every now and then I see him about town. And every time, I get a little snobby. A little proud. A little taller. A little How Do You Like Me Now? attitude.

I know I shouldn’t. I know it’s vain. But let’s be real. If he was a keeper, I would have kept him. Right?

There’s a reason (or two… or ten) why that relationship ended, and I don’t for a moment miss it. I love the person I’ve become since then. But every now and then, I’m reminded that even I am capable of making really stupid choices.

The point is, to pick up and move on. And I’ve done that. Every now and then it’s okay to look back and see how far I’ve come, how I’ve changed, how I’ve grown.

But every now and then, I guess I get a little arrogant. I don’t mean to. But every now and then, I take a little pride that on those few-and-far-between days that he spies me out and about, I still look better than I did. I still stand up for myself, and am nobody’s doormat.

Most of all, the dreams we had 15 years ago… well, mine are coming true. And since he’s still in this general area, I know for a fact his are not.

The light turned green. And in that split-second writer’s inspiration that I get, I thought it was very apropo as I accelerated and drove around the slow moving, road-blocking tractor and car making their turn down another road.

Did they recognize me? I have no idea. I’m not one to keep looking in the rear-view mirror. I just prayed as I passed and happily thought There but for the Grace of God go I.

All You Need is Love (Love, Love, Love…)

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This blog started out as a social experiment; my journal as I journeyed into the dating world with the help of my friends.

I quickly learned that there are ways to be social without involving The Hunt, and love is all around, already. I just had to open my eyes and see it.

First of all, I’m not going to find love on a website. I’m much more faceted than their questionnaires can diagnose. The people I’ve interacted with are into short sentences, not long conversations. So after almost three months of rejection a la’ internet, I canceled my ChristianMingle.com profile. Of course, I immediately received an email imploring how valuable I am to their site, and how if I chose to reactivate RIGHT NOW, I could save 50% for the next two months. Wow. Rejection at half-price. Who doesn’t want a deal like that?

Second, and more importantly, love is not an opposite-sex relationship. The opposite-sex relationship is just that. Love is helping a friend, and being helped. Love is my daughter hugging me “just because”, and my mom cooking dinner because she rediscovered an old recipe. Love is phone calls from family and friends. Love is trustworthy friends who don’t care if you can afford going out to lunch or Starbucks. Love is singing off-key at church and not being noticed. Love is acceptance in spite of me being me.

Love is finding worth in myself to be a good hostess and a good friend. To be able to trust those around me to ask for favors, and to reciprocate good will.

Love is so much more than being in love. And it’s been here all the time.

So my blog has changed from being in search of “love” and social interaction, to the telling of tales where it already exists; to exhibiting the excitement of going into the world at large, regardless of who’s there to accept me.

I’m just a writer in the world. And this is just the beginning of the adventure.