Jan 8, 2013 |
December 14, 2012:
I received an email tonight. The kind that makes your heart flutter and your wings spread. And your stomach churn.
By the time you read this, it will all be over. Or, rather… it will just be beginning.
The local newspaper wants to interview me about my writing. About my Blog, my Business, and my Book. I already texted Megan. What wonderful timing. Just two days ago we agreed we’ve been stagnant too long and it’s time to get back to writing our Series. You long-time readers know what a long, hard year this has been for so many reasons. It’s nice to get back on track. Megan and I seem to do our best writing with a Starbucks or Denny’s in winter.
I’m waiting for the reporter to get back with me. I emailed her back with my work schedule. I contacted a few readers and friends, as the reporter asked for input from others.
And I’m trying to think of something profound to say when she interviews me. Something that will make the newspaper reader pay attention and say, “Wow. This Girl is goin’ places.”
But all I can think of is… it feels like I’m succeeding. And it scares me.
I’m used to not quite making it. I’m used to reaching too high, and falling a little short. I’m used to my little world staying little.
And all the while I cry for broader horizons.
Well. It seems the cosmos is listening to what I’m not saying.
The next morning:
I couldn’t sleep well last night. My mind is filled with so much. I have to clean the house. (So thankful Dot is now on winter break and can help with that!). What recipe can I give the paper to print?
Mostly, I’ve realized this: it’s out of my hands. I’m used to being the writer, not written about. I have no control over what other people say, or what the paper prints. And that jostles me out of my comfortable excitement.
In the past few weeks, my world continues to shift, grow, change. Aside from the writing, life in general is more amazing than it’s been in quite a while. I have a sense of confidence, of fundamental foundation that this is the way things are supposed to be. There’s no question mark in my mind causing me to second-guess my actions or my goals.
It’s hard to not be able to write everything out for the Blog, but some things are better kept for the journal. Still… life is getting pretty exciting right now.
December 25, 2012:
Merry Christmas.
The article was supposed to be printed today. It wasn’t. What a terrible disappointment. I woke up earlier than I usually do on this day and stole away into the dark sunrise looking for copies of the paper.
There were none to be found. Thankfully, it’s delivered with my mother’s regular newspaper subscription. That matters less than the beautiful sunrise I alone experienced. The only one on Main Street, driving east. The clouds building behind the mountains, pushing the cold blue sky into light.
On Christmas Day, all skies should be dark and stormy. And peaceful.
The Reporter tells me the article will be printed next Tuesday instead.
New Year’s Day.
No article.
While I’d love to revel in disappointment, which is not to say I’m not disappointed (I really am!), I’m also filled with a strong sense of this is the way it’s supposed to be. For whatever reason, I need to tell my friends and readers who have been contacted by the Reporter that I can’t express my awe and gratitude at their support and encouragement but their input is still unknown to the World At Large.
For now.
Once again I’m being told the article is being pushed back a week. In the meantime, I’ve been putting great effort into promoting my Kickstarter campaign, working on my Meal Plan for January (I’m so infatuated with WinCo Foods right now!), and talking more with Megan about the next chapter in our series. Dragons are such fun creatures!
Jan. 4, 2013
The furnace and/or thermostat isn’t working again.
Just another notch on the disappointment belt.
The funny thing is, even with all the stress of not being able to make ends meet and now needing at least a new thermostat and more likely, an expensive part for the furnace… I still feel optimistic. I knew for a few months that January would be an extremely difficult month to get through, financially. I didn’t think the cosmos would throw the dice and add more “fun” to the mix. But that’s the way it is… some people, like me, just naturally attract this kind of… roller-coaster.
And I’m okay with it. Because as tough as things have been, and will be, we have always managed to find our way through to the other side. Always. When we feel like Job, we know God hasn’t forgotten us. And someday, soon, His blessings will fall upon us and we’ll be better than before.
So as much as I want to be disappointed with everything… all I am right now, with a broken furnace, is cold.
Jan. 5, 2013
I’m tired. I’m. Just. Tired.
I couldn’t sleep because I kept hearing the furnace turn on. I’m not used to it working so efficiently, and I’m listening for it to malfunction. It hasn’t, of course. But it’s been so cold lately that now my car is having trouble starting… well, if it’s not one thing it’s another.
I used to not be the kind of person who would lose sleep over worries. But this last year has changed me. And with my eczema screaming from my arms, legs, and now my hands, I feel even more like Job with his afflictions.
I’ll be glad when this winter season is over.
January 7, 2013:
Is this The Night Before?
The article is supposed to be printed tomorrow. I think it will be: the editor asked the Reporter to ask me for a photo. Dot and I had a mini photo session this weekend. She’s so gifted with a camera. We have the same camera, and in the same room with the same lighting, her photos always turn out better. I absolutely love counting on her skills for this.
She said she didn’t need to be in the photo with me. I told her she did. It’s so very important that she be in the photo, in the paper with me. She’s my inspiration, the very reason I started cooking better meals for less. She’s my first, loudest, and longest cheerleader. She has to be in the paper with me.
I just got off the phone with Mom. I’ll be heading over to her place early tomorrow. She gets the paper but I don’t. So I’ll stop in early on my way to work and hopefully the article will be there.
Jan. 8th 5:23 a.m.
I always liked Tuesdays best.
I woke up earlier than usual. Before the alarm clock, even. I have no idea if I’m in the paper or not. I think I need this to boost my Kickstarter campaign. I’m just over 30% funded, which means I still have 2/3 of the way to go. And the pre-ordering/fundraising ends February 1.
So I’m a little nervous.
The article’s not online. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything. But I honestly wonder if it’s in today’s paper. If it’s not, this post gets delayed for yet another week. And the Campaign needs a booster shot through some other media.
If it is… I guess I’d better learn to not be afraid of success. Even in small doses.
To quote one of my favorite movie lines: “Baby steps, Bob. Baby steps.”
Well… I guess it’s time to get up and find out what kind of day it will be.
6:55 a.m.
It’s gonna be a good day.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote.
Jan 7, 2013 |
It’s funny how sometimes I get an idea for a post but am not always sure how to write it out clearly. When those moments happen, I often write a note and keep it nearby on my writing table. Or I just let it shift around in my head, mixing with other words and experiences until, like a snowball rolling downhill, it picks up the momentum it needs from its surroundings and ends up larger than life.
This is that sort of post. For nearly a week, I’ve been struck with how often the World around us asks, “How are you?” But it wasn’t until today that someone really stopped to hear my answer.
We are so often prepared for the “I’m fine,” that when we ask the question we don’t expect an honest answer. And because it’s never expected, we never answer when it’s asked of us.
It’s a standard conversation.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine; thanks for asking.”
But how often is it authentic?
There are so many people who have so much to say. Who just need someone to talk to, to listen. What a person portrays on the outside is rarely what’s going on on the inside.
Wouldn’t it be marvelous if every time someone asked you, “How are you?” they really wanted to know? And if you offered the trite response, they’d push just a little to let you know they’re sincere?
My friend Wendy did just that for me today. Certainly, I hint about life’s downside here on the Blog. But I don’t really let you go there: into that Room where I keep my deep dark scarred secrets, the parts of me that cry out in fear and loneliness and anger and confusion.
I would love to scream it into my keyboard. But that’s not really me. And it does a disservice to expose myself in such a way. Discretion is always the greater part of valor, but that doesn’t mean we should lock ourselves away from the World, or hide or true selves from it. Still, it’s hard to open up about the real stuff. Even when others express their care.
Unfortunately, there’s a time and a place for everything, and we’re taught at an early age that the standard Q&A is, only, “How are you?” and “I’m fine.” The End.
Societal boundaries tell us crying in public isn’t always welcome. But neither is jumping for joy. We’re subdued into letting those critical moments pass us by: those moments that can make the difference between saying, “I’m fine,” and meaning, “I’m fine!”
I’ve chosen to stretch those boundaries. I choose to look someone in the eye, and wait for the answer. Just like Wendy, who looks. And waits. And asks again. “How are you, really?” with no presumption over a pat or trite answer. She asks for truth, and expects it. And lets me get away with nothing less.
I want to be like Wendy. And so I’m asking. And waiting. And listening. I’ve found that listening to others takes my own focus off myself and gives me a different perspective.There is nothing so terrible that I can’t get through it. No joy so private it isn’t made better by telling those closest to me. And when I listen, I learn more about others. About humanity. About what makes the World Go ‘Round. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
My college roommate posted this on her Facebook wall tonight ~
If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
How true is that? We think we’re unique. And we are. But problems aren’t. Struggles aren’t. Even joys and excitements aren’t.
It’s okay to share our life with those around us. As long as we let them share theirs.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Jan 6, 2013 |
I admit, when I wrote my Meal Plan post, no matter how intensely I want to prove the worth of The Unemployment Cookbook, a tiny part of me thought I’d cave and order a pizza or grab a hamburger for lunch within the first week.
It’s not that I want to deceive anyone. But I like fast food. It doesn’t always agree with me, and I’ve learned to order without onions or special sauce when I need to. Yet now and then, I really enjoy my flame-broiled red meat. And if I found a few extra dollars in my wallet, I’m more likely to enjoy a Starbucks than buy a bag of vegetables.
I’m happy to say, six days into the New Year and new eating plan, I’ve stuck to it. It’s so much more than just satisfying. It’s like acing a test after a year of just homework. Not only have I loved cooking and baking this week. I’ve also enjoyed sharing my savings and recipes with others.
Imagine my surprise on New Year’s Eve when I received a tweet from WinCo Foods: they stumbled across the link to my WinCo Wins post, and thanked me. They thanked me.
I took the nudge and posted the link on their Facebook page. It took just 15 minutes for them to respond by asking if they could share my savings tips with everyone. They actually said, “Would you mind…” As if I could possibly say “no”…
So now, I’m not only accountable to my family for my cooking. I’m accountable to you, my wonderful Blog readers. And WinCo followers. And, yes, to the Cookbook itself.
In keeping with my Plan, I came home on New Year’s Day and put a double batch of Ratatouille in the Slow Cooker.
In the Slow Cooker
It filled the Slow Cooker. So much, that the lid wouldn’t sit flat for the first 20 minutes. But, oh, what a delicious smell! When it was ready, I had the first bowlful.
The aromas, the steam, the flavors… I wish there was internet magic that could let you indulge in this wonderful dish.
Ratatouille
I immediately put half into my freezer for later this month. Then I took half of what was left and put that portion in the fridge. The remainder is what we had for dinner January 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. There was still two servings left! I put those in the freezer for February.
Friday night I topped a frozen pizza crust with a little spaghetti sauce, half of the refrigerated Ratatouille, and the 4-blend shredded cheese.
Veggie Pizza
How hearty and delicious is this?!
The Meal Plan called for us to have Baked Frittata on Saturday morning, that would also provide leftovers for dinner.
Unfortunately, my furnace broke down for the second time since Christmas and I had trouble learning to work the new thermostat. It’s incredibly easy. That was my problem. I’m so used to technical issues and Steps 1 through 3 and whatnot… I couldn’t grasp the idea of “Arrow Up” and “Arrow Down” and nothing else. Well, it took the better part of the morning, but I figured it out and now Bedford Manor is once again cozy and enjoyable.
Yesterday was also a big day for Cheeseheads: the Green Bay Packers were hosting the Minnesota Vikings for the playoffs. Anyone will tell you: I am a huge Cheesehead. I’m from the Midwest, so I love all the teams from Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin. But when it came down to it, I had to root for my Packers. So of course we found ourselves at my Mom’s house, enjoying her cable TV and, deliciously, her dinner.
She made Taco Soup. It’s one of the recipes she provided for The Unemployment Cookbook. And can I just say… it was good. Better than good. It. Was. Amazing.
Taco Soup
And don’t you just love her soup bowls? These are so on my Christmas wish list for next year!
After Church this morning we stopped by her house for lunch. Hey… she’s one person with a gallon or more of soup. We’d hate for it to spoil if she couldn’t eat it all. (We’re only thinking of you, Mom…!)
Finally this evening, as Dot was heading out with friends, Mom came over to my house and I repaid her Kitchen Kindness by sharing my Baked Frittata. I just scrambled eight eggs with a little milk, drained the last of the refrigerated Ratatouille, and added about 1/2 cup of the shredded cheese mix. Less than an hour later, we were at the dinner table.
Baked Frittata
The photo doesn’t do it justice. We topped it with a dollop of the spaghetti sauce. After two servings each, there’s still over half of it left. That’s breakfast and lunch for Dot tomorrow, and dinner for the both of us tomorrow night.
According to the Plan, I should have the Turkey Chili in the Slow Cooker right now. But with this wonderful leftover begging to still be enjoyed, I won’t have to make the Chili until Tuesday.
That sets back my Meal Plan by two days. Yet another boon for the savings book. Since half the Ratatouille and spaghetti sauce are now in the freezer, that means I’ve fed my family for five days (I won’t count the one day we spent at Mom’s) for $11.65. And I still have a dozen eggs and half a gallon of milk in the fridge.
Breakfast? Packs of instant oatmeal or a cup of Malt-o-Meal. For lunches, I’ve taken fresh-cut vegetables and Campbell’s Soup at Hand. Dot’s been enjoying small frozen foods we stocked up on: mini corn dogs and personal pizzas. The total cost here isn’t more than $5.00.
That’s not bad for feeding both of us, and sometimes company, for nearly a week. In fact, I think those savings are downright delicious!
How do you save money in your Kitchen?
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
[To pre-order your copy of The Unemployment Cookbook, click here.]
Jan 1, 2013 |
Last year instead of making Resolutions, I chose a three-word theme. Remember? I Dared to Be an Awesome Orange, only to find myself lost in East L.A. just days later.
This year, my theme is simple. One word. And I didn’t have to think about it. It came to me a few weeks ago, and has been bursting at the seams to get out.
Boundaries protect you. They set up a perimeter that the world can’t encroach upon unless you allow. Boundaries are fences, gates, edges. It makes me think of Lonesome Dove and stories by Louis L’Amour. The Wild West. Homesteading. Making a name for yourself. And creating your own private place.
If the world does come in unwanted and unwarranted, it’s okay to take a stand and stop. It’s okay to say, “This is my space.” But it’s also okay to make friends. To share what you can share. To expand your Circle of Life without breaking it.
Although some Boundaries are meant to be broken. Enlarged. They’re the horizon beyond the horizon, or, as Finian says, “The hill beyond yon hill.”
This year, I intend to strengthen my Boundaries. Whether I need to set up a better perimeter around my family, my home, my time, my writing or my finances, I will establish better Boundaries. And then I’ll open the gate when I can, and step out into unknown territories.
I’ll explore. Adjust. Enjoy. And establish.
Excitement doesn’t begin to explain how I feel. I’m pretty sure surviving the Mayan Apocalypse has given me a new lease on life. After all, one can hardly expect to go back to humdrum when the clock still ticks and the lungs still breathe, right?
This is me. Learning how to set Boundaries. And sometimes, how to step over them.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Dec 31, 2012 |
I went to Winco this afternoon. Not gonna lie… so very glad my Mom wanted to go shopping, too. This was my first time back since September’s Stalking incident. With my mom and iPhone, today was a much better shopping experience.
Winco Win
I kept to my January Meal Plan. If it wasn’t on the list, it wasn’t in the cart. This was a little tricky, because I only wrote “lunch/bento” on the Grocery List. As you can translate, I wasn’t sure until I arrived at the store exactly what our January lunches would consist of.
The first item I picked up was the Eggplant for my Slow Cooker Ratatouille. It was so big yet inexpensive, I instantly opted to double my meal. I can easily cook twice as much and freeze half of it for later in the month, which means a second Frittata as well. Eggplant, zucchini, mushrooms, onions, green pepper, tomatoes and fresh garlic.
Look at the size of that Eggplant!
I had budgeted $10 for one batch; yet will be able to make two for $8.90. Already I saved $3.10, and have extra garlic, onion, and 1/2 green pepper.
For the Ratatouille Pizza, I bought 4-Cheese Spaghetti Sauce and 4-Cheese blend of shredded cheese. While I budgeted $7 for these two items, it cost only $2.89. Bam! $4.11 saved here, folks! And there will be leftover sauce and cheese as well.
Now I’ve got almost all the ingredients for my Baked Frittata (vegetables, cheese). To make sure I had enough, I bought fresh eggs and milk. I planned on $6. I spent $5.75, saving a quarter. Of course, I won’t use all the eggs and milk for Frittata, so a little here goes a long way there!
Frittata Necessities
Then I choose an assortment of beans and vegetables for my Slow Cooker Turkey Chili. I found this great Jennie-O Taco Seasoned Ground Turkey. Can you imagine the flavor that’s going to add?
Slow Cooker Turkey Chili
Even with the more expensive ground turkey, I saved $1.03 off my proposed $8.
For my Potato Chip Casserole, I didn’t have the Cream soups in my pantry, so I needed to buy those. But the canned chicken was half the expected price, which led me to buy enough for two casseroles. I planned on $5, but spent $9.32 over, for a total of $14.32. For twice the food, $4.66 extra per casserole isn’t bad.
Potato Chip Casserole
I planned to spend just $4 for my Texas Hash, but needed to get a can of tomatoes in addition to the ground beef. The total of $4.92 was less than a dollar more than expected.
Texas Hash
Because the tomatoes also have diced green pepper mixed in, that extra 1/2 green pepper from the Ratatouille will be more than enough.
The breakfast budget was $6.02 less than planned. The oatmeal is less expensive, and I didn’t get any yogurt. For $6.98, these three boxes will give us quite a nutritional start to our days!
Breakfast on a Budget
We still have a few oatmeal packets and Malt-o-Meal at home. These additions, with the extra eggs, should be all the breakfast we need for the month.
Now we come to the lunch selections.
January Lunches
Since Dot’s on winter break, I wanted to give her a variety. She loves the frozen burritos and Dinty Moore Stews, so those were easy choices. Basic peanut butter sandwiches will be complimented with the variety of jams, jellies and preserves already in our pantry.
I love the healthy choices of fresh vegetables, spinach wraps, and yogurt sticks. For those cold days, a cup of soup. And for that little extra touch, a variety of Jell-O.
My $50 lunch budget came to $32.41… a savings of $17.59.
The best part? Treating myself to my favorite fast meal, and another pantry staple.
January Extras
Let’s recap, shall we? I planned 12 dinners, 30 breakfasts, and around 20 lunches for $103. I ended up with over 25 dinners (double the Ratatouille and Potato Chip Casserole, plus extra leftovers), 30+ breakfasts, and at least 20 lunches for $91.78.
Oh, and I saved $0.24 for using my four recyclable, reusable grocery totes… making the grand total $91.54.
Now that’s some tasty savings, dontcha think?
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
[To pre-order your copy of The Unemployment Cookbook, click here.]
