communicate - Frankly, My Dear . . .

Can We Talk?

Sep 26, 2017 | 2 comments

Can we talk? Seriously. Can we just come together for a discussion? There’s been some conflict going on lately. Some serious name-calling. Finger-pointing. Some not-so-loving of thy neighbors. Some getting-our-signals-crossed dialogue.

Frankly, My Dear . . . Can We Talk?

Now, I know we all have different:

backgrounds
belief systems
economic status
health
heritage
personality dynamics

And all these go into making each one of us unique.

But does that mean we shouldn’t respect each other?

Is a firefly any less beautiful than a peacock because of its size? Is a fish any less magnificent than a bear?

We can disagree with someone’s actions, but still respect them as a person. But you can’t force someone to respect you back.

Can we each take a breath, take a corner, take a seat, take whatever we need to take in order to stop this collision course we’re on with hatred and animosity? Can we consider that maybe, just maybe, not only are others not perfect, but we’re not either?

Maybe there’s some middle ground we can reach.

Together.

TWEET THIS: We can disagree with someone’s actions, but still respect them as a person. @RealMojo68 #canwetalk #franklymydear

With a handshake and a hug,
Happy peacemaking.
~Molly Jo

And Frankly, My Dear . . . That’s all she wrote!

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The Emotional Cost of Bad Credit

Feb 25, 2016 | 1 comment

Was one of your New Year’s resolutions to save more money? Yeah. It ranks up there with

Eat healthy
Exercise more
Improve life

It’s hard, though, isn’t it?

You know what? You’re not alone. When I started sharing about my bad credit experiences, I was overwhelmed with supportive and encouraging comments. So many of you were or are in the same boat, and didn’t know it.

We think we’re alone and headed for a comedy of errors like Gilligan’s Island.

To Sea in a Storm by Yourself? It ain’t so.

But the truth is, while our individual situations are unique, we have the opportunity to throw life rafts to each other just with words of encouragement and “been there, done that” talk.

There’s a lot in life that can make us feel bad about ourselves. Keeping up with the Joneses is, in my opinion, one of the worst. Which Jones are we talking about? The one who’s a family friend or the one who lives on the other side of town, you know, the right side of the tracks?

When I have money troubles, everything else is amplified. I can’t buy medicine because I can’t afford the doctor visit in order to get the prescription. Or I feel guilty for munching at McDonald’s but in reality I was hungry and didn’t have time to get to the store on my lunch hour. The phone rings constantly, but it’s almost always “Call from Unavailable.”

It wears a person down, doesn’t it? And when you’re worn down, you can’t always see the solution, if there is one.

Cloud of Negativity

Recently, I made a self-discovery. I told myself, “I’m tired of worrying.” Sure, easier said than done, and yes I do still have those moments.

But I started smiling more and stressing less. I gave myself permission to not feel guilty over the occasional fast food. It was okay if I bought one song on iTunes for $1.29. But then I stop. Then I’ve reached my limit and treat myself to an emotional allowance rather than a financial one.

Spending time with friends, watching a favorite DVD or even just reading a good book is often all it takes to regenerate my broken spirit.

Money isn’t everything.

And then there was the realization of several truths.

You are not alone. I know, I’ve hit on this before. But it’s worth hammering again and again. I am not alone. You are not alone. Believe it or not, people will understand when you say, “I just can’t go out this weekend.” It’s okay to say no to some extras. It’s also okay to say yes.
Patience really is a virtue. Debt collectors are often willing to work around your payment schedule as long as you communicate with them. You can’t expect them to stop calling if you don’t explain your situation. For all they think, you’re a deadbeat. But you’re not. You hear me?

YOU ARE NOT A DEADBEAT.

There are so many things to be thankful for. I have a roof over my head. I have transportation. I’ve never gone a day without food. If you’re reading this, you have internet access. Whether it’s a public library, school, or at home, that’s a blessing.
Being frugal can allow for creativity. It can be simple home decor, clothing options, or cooking a meal. Saving pennies can mean celebrating the lean times. Sure, it’s corny like a country song, but trust me. It works. It’s what led me to write and publish The Unemployment Cookbook. That’s a sweet success in my book!

One of the first things you can do when the money situation gets you down, is tell yourself it’s okay. It’s okay to know it’s there, but it’s also okay to say “I won’t let my lack of money define me.” It’s okay to choose to breathe.

Have dialogue with yourself and your family. Ask the hard questions:

Is this necessary, or a just a social “requirement”?
Is there a cheaper alternative?
If not, what else can we do to afford this?

Then it’s time to be honest with the creditors:

Explain your situation and be honest about how you got there.
Ask for repayment options. If you can’t pay their “minimum” do they have an extended payment plan?
Can they give you a reduced pay-off balance?
If you absolutely can’t pay, be honest. Don’t commit to a payment you can’t make. And don’t get angry at them about it. Those calls you’re getting? They’re just doing their job.

Then stop. Take another breath. And tell yourself, “It’s going to be okay.” Even if you don’t know how. Trust that it will work out. You can be strict without being overbearing. You can be in a financial struggle and still enjoy your day-to-day life.

Choose Your Direction: Stress or Relax

It’s okay to drink of cup of hot (or sweet) tea. It’s okay to buy clothes at the thrift store and make them your own. It’s okay to walk somewhere, or buy a $0.99 box of mac-n-cheese instead of a $7.00 combo meal.

You have a choice. Even when the money situation isn’t getting any better, you have the choice to not let it define you.

Remember, it’s just a situation. It’s not a lifestyle.

Embrace the happy and you’ll see how rich you truly are.

And Frankly, My Dear . . . That’s all she wrote!

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Overcoming Bad Credit: Communication is Key.

Oct 18, 2015 | 6 comments

At the beginning of the month, I posted about my experience with bad credit. I expected mixed results but the response was overwhelmingly favorable, and many of you thanked me for my transparency.

Truth be told, I didn’t share everything. Let’s face it: finances are a really private matter. I mean, it’s not like any of us are going to put our bank books on public display, right?

Open Wallet

And why would you? Your life dynamics are just as personal as your wallet. Are you hearing me?

Every situation is different.

So why do the credit companies treat us all the same?

The reasons for my bad credit aren’t the same as yours or your mailman’s brother’s cousin’s dog’s groomer. That’s okay. Neither are the solutions.

Let’s recap, shall we?

I am not a credit expert. I am not, have never been, and have no plans to be: A professional debt collector, credit counselor, financial adviser, or life coach.
I have experienced unemployment, car accidents, medical bills, single parenting, and poverty.
I did not crawl into a corner and stay there. Okay. Yes. I did crawl in. It was ugly. But I didn’t ~ repeat, I did not ~ stay there.

I am slowly and surely finding my way out of my debt and bad credit situation, and as vulnerable as that makes me feel, I’m here to share [parts of] my story with you.

Today’s theme is Communicate.

Use your words, people!

That’s it. Use your words, people! But here’s the thing: Are you putting emphasis on the right word? If I say, “Use your words, people!” what do you hear? Me telling you just to talk. But if I say, “Use your words, people!” it changes, doesn’t it? Now it’s about you and your words. About expressing your situation.

This gem of advice was given to me a few years ago but it wasn’t until this year that I realized the power behind it. And it happened by mistake. Or grand design. I’m not sure which.

One particular evening I was ignoring the many Caller Unknown phone calls. In a moment of silence, I reached to make a call of my own, but as things happen, I picked up a call just as it came in. You know the feeling. Do you hang up? Stay quiet so they hang up? What? What? WHAT??

Being the conscientious authentic tired person that I was, I took the call. It was one of my credit card companies. I know. I’m late. Again. Still. My favorite part (not!) is when they ask, “What is the reason for the delinquency?” I really want to rant. Rave. Rebel. Instead, on this call, I politely said, “You know, you asked me that last month and the answer hasn’t changed. I simply don’t make enough money any more.”

So you know what they did? They laughed. They turned me over to a debt collector. They offered to work with me on an income-based payment plan.

Tired Girl say what??

That WAS easy!

We took a few minutes to review some information. How much do I make? How big is my family? And then, those magic words: We can work with you.

I was so excited, I answered the next call. And the next. Soon, I had arrangements made for several bills. You know what? The phone stopped ringing as much. The nasty-grams slowed down. And the bills are getting paid.

No, it’s not easy. And it’s not simple. I have to make sure I’m on top of my budget and there are times when I can’t make even the minimal payment so I get to swallow my pride, pick up the phone, and ask for more help. But I do it, because it’s worth it.

I don’t want to default or file bankruptcy. I want to pay my own debts. And when I own up to my financial mess, when I let others know the what’s and why’s and how’s of my situation, they’re more willing to work with me.

These posts started the day after I took another call to try to reduce a bill. In my mind, I had created a monster of debt, and I was ashamed and certain that I should just do a George Bailey and jump off the nearest bridge. Instead, I talked to the woman on the other end of the phone.

In the end, I was in tears.

I explained my situation, again. But this was a new company. This debt was transferred to a new collections department. How humiliating.

Except it wasn’t. Because she spoke to me like I was human, an individual. Not like a number or statistic or deadbeat. She valued me.

We all have value.

And then she said something I’ll not forget.

“You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. But I’ve been in your situation. I have. And I’m going to tell you, hang in there. Okay? It gets better. It does. I promise you. It gets better.”

And that’s why I cried. Because I allowed myself the vulnerability of showing my human-ness to a stranger, and she gave it back to me.

There was no condemnation, no threats, no hardlining. Just a person, talking to a person, working things out.

So I’m here to tell you

It gets better. It does. I promise you. It gets better.

Here’s a few simple tips to help you recover your finances:

Answer the phone.
Talk to people.
Be honest about your situation, what you can (and can’t) afford.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Try. Try again.
If the person isn’t willing to work with you, talk to a supervisor. It won’t always help, but most of the time, it will.
Follow up. If you make a promise to pay, pay. If you say you’ll call back, call back. They like it when you’re truthful.

What else can I tell you? You have value. I believe in you. And you know what?

It gets better. It does. I promise you. It gets better.

TWEET THIS: Overcoming Bad Credit: Communication is Key. @RealMojo68 #badcredit #credit #debt #communication

TWEET THIS: Overcoming Bad Credit: Every situation is different. @RealMojo68 #badcredit #credit #debt #overcoming

TWEET THIS: Overcoming Bad Credit: Use your words, people! @RealMojo68 #badcredit #credit #debt #overcoming

And Frankly, My Dear . . . that’s all she wrote!

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Are they hearing you?

May 31, 2015 | 2 comments

People hear what they want to hear.

Children have selective hearing that picks up words like “ice cream” and ignores others like “chores”. When a friend asks, “How are you?”, they’re already hoping you’re going to ask them the same question. Our lifestyles are wired to be self-fulfilling, and serving others is a secondary agenda.

But what if what you have to say is important? So important, it could be a life changer? And what do you do if your audience refuses to listen?

Microphone, empty chair. Is this thing on?

Is Thing Thing On?

In the last few years, I’ve changed jobs, quit a relationship, and forayed into more writing, media, and public speaking.

With each new experience, I’ve tried to still the waters behind me. I had a burning desire to explain myself, to be heard.

It’s not you, it’s me.

But the truth is, it was them, too. And I don’t owe them an explanation.

I was called to move on, not to stand still.

I’m not advocating telling your boss off or always needing to be the center of attention. But you have a message to say, and if others aren’t listening or respecting you, it’s okay to move on and find your audience.

Is there anyone out there?

In fact, God instructs us to leave the past in the past.

“If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words,
leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”
~Matthew 10:14, NIV

When God says “GO”, are you going? Or are you slowly dragging your feet, hoping He meant “later”? Hoping He meant “together”?

We all need to support our families. We all have a need to be loved. We all need to be heard.

It’s hard to make changes and keep going. It can be super scary to climb those steps when you don’t know what’s at the top.

Those Daunting Steps

But there are some situations when we need to take that leap of faith and trust that God knows more about our path than we do.

Stopping in hope someone else understands, trying to reason with people who choose not to hear, is telling God that while He may have a decent plan, it just doesn’t work.

I don’t know about you,
but I don’t want to ever be the one
to tell God
His plan won’t work.

Think on this: If you’re sharing your message but not being heard, it’s not you, it’s them.

Here’s another: If you’re compromising your message to stay where you’re at, it’s not them, it’s you.

Are you listening? Don’t drag them with you. Leave the unlisteners where they are. It’s okay to move on without them. God will lead you to where He needs you to be.

It’s hard, to be sure. Especially if you’re a people-person.

But it’s the right thing to do.

Your audience is everyone you come into contact with. Not just daily, but even those once-in-a-while folks you might not otherwise think of.

Coworkers
Friends
Neighbors
People at church and community functions
When you run errands to the store or gas station
Strangers on the phone or in the next car

Are you sharing your message? Are you actively seeking out your audience? If you’re doing your part but those doors keep closing on you, it’s time to find a new audience.

Do whatever it takes to live the message God has called you to live and to take care of the family He’s given you.

Pray for divine appointments
for Him to bring people you can encourage,
and for those who can encourage you.

A Pastor at my church used to tell everyone, “We’re all in this together.” And he was right. This life isn’t just about me, or you, or us, or them. It’s about us all.

We’re all in this together – Are you doing your share?

And it’s okay to venture out into the big, scary world when God tells you. Just don’t look back. Shake off the unbelievers and follow Him around the bend. You may not know what’s ahead, but He does. And He’s really glad you’re coming with Him.

Remember this: God never calls the equipped. He equips the called.