My (im-)Perfect Identity
(Or, How Someone Else’s Questionnaire Led Me to Decide Who I Want to Be)
~#~
NOLA NOTE: Before we get into today’s post, here’s the update: Just after I received the second round of edits last month, my trusted Babycakes II laptop had a nutty. After years of this wonderful relationship, it said, “I’m not liking you any more. I wanna break up. Or, at least, I just want to break.” Now, of course, bein’ the sweet talkin’ Bohemian Belle that I am, I very politely convinced it back into my lovin’ arms. [Read: After a glass of wine and some not-nice words, I salvaged what I could and continued.] Y’all know when you’re in a bad relationship but you just don’t want to own it? Here I was, thinking BCii was back on track. Treasuring our moments together, saving them for posterity. Until … scene jump to two weeks later. BCii and I are on the sofa watching some NCIS: New Orleans, of course. And it whines. And whistles. Mind you, I hadn’t even poked it for a few hours. So this calamitous noise was a little disconcerting. I took a look, asked what its problem was, and it didn’t respond. Zoiks! Insert crazywriterwoman face here! So the next day, I took it to the vetdoctoriStore and when I explained its attitude, the nice man behind the counter agreed it was time to date up. So I conveniently dropped BCii like the hot potato it had become, and got me a new Babycakes. Say hello to BCiii. After all the important information was transferred, I brought BCiii home only to discover BCii had, in its rebellious anger, corrupted the last two weeks of work. So. All those wonderful, genius edits my editor called out? I get to do some of them again. Let me finish by saying, I love NOLA. I love that BCiii loves NOLA, too. But I especially love my note-saving, text-reading, memory-keeping iCloud. Pray for me, y’all. This is a lot of work I hadn’t planned on redoing. This, and with the new day job, the finished product will be a little later than hoped for. But I’ll do it. Because Rain and Josie are worth it. And so are you, my Swarm. I’d love to have y’all join my private Facebook group for more information, memes, and all-around fun. You can join on Facebook by clicking here: NOLA Swarm.Stick around and see what happens . . .
I’ll be attending a writing intensive soon. The kind where the class is limited so the instructors can give one-on-one focus to the participants. The kind where they email you a questionnaire like the CIA is recruiting you for dark web espionage kind of skills. Okay, not really. But, almost. These questions lead you through a list of self-identifiers that are supposed to help you learn more about yourself, so you can learn more about how to present yourself to the world. Questions like, “What kind of music do you listen to?” (All kinds. Almost.) “What were your favorite books as a child?” (All of them. Especially with female heroines.) “How much coffee do you drink daily?” (Uhm, a lot.) “Do you like going to the movies?” (Does anyone not like going to the movies? If so, don’t answer. Just delete. Because we can’t be friends.)
Seriously, Ketchup Man. These are some personally invasive get-to-know-you questions that I don’t even ask on a first date. Well, okay. Maybe the movie and the coffee stuff. But then it gets grittier. Things like, “What do you want your audience to know about you?” “How do you want your audience to feel when they read your book?” “Who is your target audience?”
If I had all the answers, I wouldn’t need this questionnaire, or the class.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : My (im-)Perfect Identity
It’s all about writing, branding, writing, marketing, writing, identity, writing … wait. Identity? Are you serious?
I’ve been accused once or twice (or ten thousand times) of trying to be everything to everyone. Kinda reminds me of a scene in NOLA.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : My (im-)Perfect Identity – excerpt from NOLA by Molly Jo Realy
That doesn’t mean I don’t know who I am. It means I don’t always project it properly. Just recently I had the opportunity to discuss branding and identity with a client. I know. I’m a walking oxymoron. Truth is, we’re all good at giving advice, but we rarely seldom follow it. [I tried to find a video clip for Disney’s Alice in Wonderland singing “Very Good Advice”, but I couldn’t. Google it. You’ll get the picture.] I went through my normal tips of what makes a good marketing platform, how to claim your brand. And through the conversation, my muse kept dancing around in my mind, raising her hand and screaming, “I know! I know!”
Not wanting to claim your identity is not the same as not knowing it.
Thing is, I love all y’all. And I want to attract many, many more of you. So I tone it down. I chameleonize. But if I’m the one writing the script, if I’m being true to myself, you’ll see that, yah? I’m my best self when I’m, well, my best self. Authenticity is better than schmoozing with people you’re not sure you want to hang with after hours, amiright? Well, it’s the same principle IRL (Mom, that means “In Real Life”), and in your inner circles. You gotta trust them the accept you, and you gotta accept the ones you trust.
Networking is a two-way street. I don’t care what the subject is. High school girls at a coffee shop? Oliver and Lauren in Alrujah? Gypsies dancing on cobblestone? Steve Jobs recruiting computer builders? You have to know who you are, you have to own it, before you can ask someone else to invest in your world.
Once you own it, you have to live it.
How do you do that? Your brand should incorporate the part of you that’s easy to display, that draws others in. If you’re always the one at the coffee shop, I’m thinking a mug might be a good symbol. Are you a mechanic? Don’t use a stethoscope. What about the living part? Well, part of you doing you is curating those catch-phrases you’re known for.
When I was young, my brother and I were fairly convinced his name was “Let’s” and mine was “We’ll.” Because every Saturday morning after breakfast, Mom would clap and say, “Okay, let’s vacuum and we’ll dust the living room.” Good marketing, Mom. You could have been a cleaning commercial.
There are a lot aspects that go into making you, You. Remember my analogy of the million-dollar mosaic. We’re all a little broken. It’s how we put ourselves back together to let the sun shine through that makes us valuable.
I recently watched The Greatest Showman for the first time. I know, I know. It took me a while. But once I did, holymaloly. I downloaded that soundtrack right away; been singing it ever since. Y’all, I’m not making this stuff up. Go listen to the song, The Other Side. And then you do you like nobody else. Here’s the official soundtrack link from YouTube:
I know what my brand is, and I’m ready to share it. But before I do, for grins and giggles, leave a comment and tell me what you think my branding should be. And what yours is.
With some Bohemian hair and a magnifying glass,
Happy Identity.
~Molly Jo
Frankly, My Dear . . . Savor the Journey!
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Bohemian Hurricane
Molly Jo is better known as the Bohemian Belle. She is the author/curator of The Unemployment Cookbook and several eBooks available on Amazon. Her work-in-progress, NOLA, is a full-length location mystery novel set in New Orleans, and the first in her City Series.
FiF Fans ~ our newest episodes have been posted. Don’t forget to follow the Firsts in Fiction Facebook Page (and say that five times fast!) for updates, topics, and your opportunity to Ask the Author!
Frankly, My Dear . . . : That One Time a Fox Joined the Team and Tied Everything Together
It’s not that I haven’t been doing anything. I just haven’t been doing anything on the blog. At least, not as much as I used to. You see, I’ve been working behind the scenes lately, editing NOLA, working some freelance projects, crafting my upcoming newsletter. (Now, everyone, nod your heads in sympathetic busyness understanding. Thank you.)
Lemmetellya, it’s a bit of a challenge. I wanna get it just.right for y’all, and well, for me. People say “write for yourself” and while that’s a good way to remain happy, it ain’t always gonna bring in the readers. So I am happily crafting my message for you, my beloved Swarm.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : An Object in Motion . . .
And as promised, since it’s a new month, there’s a new Media Menagerie over at New Inklings Press. Did you miss the big reveal on Instagram? It was a live video, my Nippers’s first actually. And of course he (okay, I) forgot to save it for posterity. So while I introduced you to the current members of our #MediaMenagerie, Nippers also asked what our May member should be. And the next day he whispered his answer in my ear.
Ladies, gentlemen, Southern Belles and Yankee Gents, I give you May’s Media Menagerie Member, Gypsy Skylark Walton.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Say Hello to Gypsy Skylark Walton
Gypsy is a fox. Foxes are crafty. They’re quick. They’re stealth-like (hmm, maybe like a ninja?). They’re beautiful. Foxes are smart, too. Problem solvers. What, think I’m wrong? Read Aesop’s Fables. People call them sly and crazy. (the foxes, not the fables).
Now, how did Gypsy get his name? Well, first, from the beautiful Johnny Mercer song, Skylark. Y’all know This Girl’s favorite inspirational movie is Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. And my favorite song from the soundtrack is Skylark. There’s a line in the chorus, “sad as a gypsy,” and it just gets me every time. It’s such a beautiful visual.
“Gypsy” can mean so many things. Romanian descent. Fortune tellers. But for me, it’s the wanderer, the free spirit, that my Bohemian self relates to. It’s like that old toy, Spirograph. You set your pen in a stencil and draw as it bumps you along the edges. A few ink color and shape changes, and in the end, your wandering pen has created something uniquely beautiful. You can’t have that without the wandering. As a creative soul, there’s nothing more effusing than to be able to just be who I am. Gypsies get that. It could also be that I’m currently addicted to Hallmark Channel’s The Good Witch series. Who doesn’t love a little good magic now and then?
And Walton? Well, that’s two-fold. John-Boy Walton was a writer. Sure, he was a fictional TV character in the 70’s and early 80’s. But still. What self-respecting aspiring writer girl back then didn’t have a crush on him? It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized my fancy for the man was due in great part to his wordsmithing. Let’s not forget that greatest of all goodbyes, “Good night, John-Boy!” I say it often, mostly when signing off social media for the night. Which has led to others calling me Mary-Ellen. (Yah, I’m talking about you, Del and Caleb!). Which now brings me to Caleb. Affectionately known to me and my peeps as JB. Because his last name is Walton. And he’s from the South. And he grew up watching The Waltons and we still talk about our favorite episodes. Oh, and of course, JB (my “little big brother”, not the TV guy) is a writer. So there’s that.
Oh, but wait! There’s more. In chatting with JB recently (again, my JB, not the TV guy) [but if you’re out there, Richard Thomas, and feel like saying “hi,” I wouldn’t mind having you over for coffee!] and sharing Gypsy’s adoption, I realize his initial’s are GSW. Which, in NCIS world, stands for gun shot wound. Okay, not the Southern romantic history y’all were hoping for. But it’s NCIS. Which is another commonality I have with JB (and, well, about 13 billion other humans). And NCIS had the arc about Le Granouille (“The Frog”) which inspired my daughter and I to adopt the shaggy little frog now known as Nippers. And NCIS has a spin-off I may have mentioned once or twice. NCIS: New Orleans. Which is the location for my first City Series novel. Yup. We’ve come full circle.
I now own a stuffed fox named Gypsy because I wanted to be a writer with a frog. I know . . . It’s hard to be in my head sometimes. That’s okay. I know my thoughts. You just have to enjoy the outcome.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Say Hello to Gypsy Skylark Walton
Now I want to hear from you: How do you express your creative soul?
With a compass and a spirograph,
Happy wanderings.
~Molly Jo
And Frankly, My Dear . . . That’s all she wrote!
Oh, PS: If you haven’t yet taken my survey, and/or want to be added to my email lists for this blog, and/or Firsts in Fiction Newsletter, and/or Molly Jo Realy: Author, Etc. . . . just click on this photo to sign up. BONUS: You’ll get to tell me how you like your coffee. Thanks! (And super-shout out to my über professional graphic artist brother who worked with me to create this awesome visual.)
So, the funny thing is, I teach people to find what their brand is and stick with it.
What do people appreciate the most about you?
What are your strengths?
What are you most comfortable doing/teaching/sharing?
What makes you happy?
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like … Oh, wait. Sorry. Sinatra in my head. [Note to self: Take the fedora off the shelf.] Ahem. What I was saying was, I sort of took my own advice … and tossed it aside. But like a well-tossed neon pink frisbee, it came right back at me. {Don’t, okay? I know you know I meant boomerang. But frisbee just sounded better. So just … keep reading. Thanks.}
Was it really just last summer I did a renovative rebrand? Why, yes. Yes, I think it was. Who can forget my Wizard of Oz poppies populating the background for my new parent website?
Frankly, My Dear . . . : MJR Website
And how easily the storefront came together, and then, voila! The blog redesign. I can’t really tell ya which is my favorite. I heart them all. Like, a lot.
Not-so-secret sidenote: This Girl, who was never terribly feminine, is enjoying the sights and smells of flowers, perfume, and all things girly. What the heck?! I mean, true story: Even my journals and Happy Planners are, well, pretty.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Happy Planners 2018
But somewhere in the midst of being real, selling books, and claiming my Southern Belle-ness, I realized there was something more. Something deep inside that tied everything together even though it seemed like a chaotic mess.
You all know what it is. At least, you know part of it. Hurricane. My word for the year. Hey, it adopted me, okay?
Frankly, My Dear . . . : That One Time I Rebranded Myself With Pizza Sauce
But that’s why it’s taken me two weeks to follow up with another post. Because I couldn’t put my finger on the first part. I mean, yah. Happy chaos seems to really be my thing. But what does that even mean?
So there I am at lunch with my local bestie, Beckie Lindsey, celebrating the contract for her first book, scarfing pizza, and talking media and marketing and branding and we throw some ideas around and BAM. She’s branded. Like, in a good way. Beckie Lindsey: God in real life … Also, coffee. Yup. That’s her!
Meanwhile, my other media sounding board, Aaron ~ you may know him from his Firsts in Fiction podcast, wink wink. You know. The one This Girl produces every other week ~ he left the lunch. So I text him and say, “Hey, Faux Bro. What’s my branding and recognition?” You know what they both say? Him and Becks? Branding and Recognition. Ooh, big help, guys. Big. Help. not.
And then it hit me like, well, like a hurricane. [Oh, c’mon. You knew I was gonna do that!] I’m reaching for that last mushroom on the plate and trying not to get my sleeves or bangles into the pizza sauce. It was almost an epic fail until my fancy flail saved the day (and the sleeve!). And without realizing that style is a part of my brand, I became the Bohemian Hurricane.
And all her people gasped in acknowledgment.
Yah, that’s right. Go ahead and chuckle. Nod. Do your “Mm-hmm, that’s her!” thing just like they did. ‘Cause This Girl is embracing her wilderness, her free spirit, her loud voice.
Oops. We did it again. We overshared. Coulda been a status update where delete would have been the better option. Coulda been a tweet from a, uh, unsavory source. Coulda been one or two or ten million things that we prob’ly obviously should not have put out there.
Can I just say, we’ve all been there, done that.
Trust me.
Depending on what you’ve done, you may have to do some damage repair. But for the most part, you can recover.
It’s important to take a deep breath and think this through before taking action. [Except for the delete option. Whatever it is, your immediate response should be to take it down, if at all possible.]
If your post is just embarrassing, sometimes it’s to your benefit to leave it up. Reason: Humanity, man! It shows your peeps you’re not perfect. I know, right?! For. Realz. We all kinda like it when we know we’re not alone in this oh-my-gosh-I-can’t-believe-I-did-that world. Also, seriously, if it’s just embarrassing, a good laugh may be had by all. It’s good to poke fun at yourself now and then. And allow others to do the same.
If your post is mean, delete it. If you’re using foul language, venting, or talking smack ’bout someone else, you don’t want that affecting your brand. Hey, we all have bad days, but c’mon. A little respect goes a long way, okay? And self-respect? Even more.
If your post puts you in a bad light, delete it. If you want to share your beach party drunk photos with your friends, do it in a private group. Don’t put them where it can tarnish your professional reputation.
If your post goes against moral and ethical standards, delete it. ‘Nuff said.
You may need to follow up with a statement or apology or comment to address those you’ve hurt, and those who follow you. Don’t make light of what happened. (Unless it was just embarrassing. Then you can laugh all you want.) Open a dialogue and listen to others as they share why what you did affected them. Now, yes. You may need to ignore the trolls who were just waiting for you to slip. But with sincerity, you can address your true community and take steps to move forward.
Don’t use your social media as an instrument of instigation. Be careful not only of what you post, but the comments you share on others’ posts. Sure, you may get a lot of attention, but you won’t always keep your reputation.
Whether you do it yourself, for yourself, for others, or have others do it for you, social media is a great tool to connect you with the world.
But we all know it can take up a bit of time. [I guess that’s why they call it “management”.]
Now, I’m not exactly an expert, but I’m also not-not one either. In my ventures with social media, there are a few things I’ve learned that make it easier.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Presents for Your Social Media Manager
Scheduling is prob’ly the first thing you need to manage. I recommend a scheduling app like Hootsuite. Hootsuite gives you a variety of options, from posting to all your sites at the same time, to scheduling them separately, to working with a team of contributors. With a range of prices from free to professional (read: not free), and somewhere in between, there are a lot of great reasons to give a year’s subscription to your favorite media ninja.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Hootsuite for Social Media Management
Another calendaring “app” I recommend is the old fashioned paper and pen system. You know my love for Happy Planners, yes? I have one exclusively for the use of tracking which posts are on which sites, who’s contributing to Frankly, My Dear . . . , and what’s coming up that I need to pay attention to (contests, celebration day, speaking engagements).
Frankly, My Dear . . . : My Blogging Planner
A camera comes in handy, not just for the writer, but for the social media manager as well. Let’s say y’all happen to be at a Christmas party together and one of you hates social media and so has hired the other to do it. Party A wants to take a picture of Party B in their Coolest Ugly Christmas Sweater at the Party C. Y’all best make sure your smart phone has the new awesome camera, or you have a digital at your side. You can also use an instant film camera, and take a smart phone photo of your print photo for a double shot of photographic greatness. If you do this, I recommend a middle-grade camera. Something you can have fun with and trust to give you decent pics. [Dear Santa, the Fujifilm Instax in Pomegranate Red is looking rather delicious. Just sayin’.]
Now, we all know media managers don’t live on internet alone. There’s this life-sustaining thing called coffee that makes the world a better place for everyone. An individual Keurig machine, a gift card to Starbucks, or a can of their favorite brand of beans goes a long way in keeping your manager functioning properly.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : Merry Christmas with Cafe du Monde
And while you’re at it, throw in a gift card to their favorite eatery or two and you’ll sustain them for at least another round of “Why did you put that online?” – “Because you pay me to” dialogue.
Let’s see, what else. Ah. A plethora of research and photo sites. There’s plenty of free stuff available, but if your topic requires a bit more, subscriptions to photo sharing sites or in-depth informational platforms (think online news articles) are a boost.
But wait. There’s more. Plates. Because no matter how much you give your social media ninja to do, if they’re really good at it, they can heap it high and keep it spinning.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : What’s on Your Plate?
Books, magazines, or gift cards for such, anything that helps with research.
If you really want to spoil your social media person, think break time. A day-vay (one-day vacation), tickets to a movie, an evening out with friends. Let your ninja know they’re more than just your internet poster. Let them know you see them as a person, too.
But you know what you can give your social media manager that would mean the most? Your time. Sit with them, hash out your game plan, and work together. Knowing what you want from them, and that you trust them enough to accomplish your mutual goals, is the whipped cream on the pie. [Ooh. Foodie reference. And I didn’t even try!]
