I know I shouldn’t. I know some people say worry is a sin. That I’m either not a good Christian, or I need to let go or… whatever it is you tell people when they say they’re unreasonably afraid.
But I am.
Often.
I’m afraid every day of the unknown.
I’m afraid that I won’t get a “real” job and I’ll lose my house. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to support my small family. I’m afraid of what would happen to the cats if something did happen to the house. Dot, notsomuch. She’s young. She’s got relatives. She’ll be okay. But I worry about being separated from her and the felines and Bedford Manor. I worry about it all the time.
I worry about car accidents. I’ve been in ten plus hit as a pedestrian. All in the last 27 years. None my fault. But I worry about more. I’m afraid of being injured again. I’m afraid of never being fully healed from past injuries. I’m afraid of being without a car, and I’m afraid now that Dot has a license.
I worry that my past concussions will interfere with my future. That I might someday need assistance to be mobile, or worse: to remember.
I worry about bad things happening to my family. What if they get injured, or worse? What if we’re separated for some reason like moving away, or death? I’m afraid of someday not being able to have coffee with my mom or talk to my brothers on the phone or watch TV with Dot.
I’m afraid that Dot’s chance for a future, a really good future, is lessened because of me. Because I’m an unemployed, single mom and we are a statistic on the poverty threshold. I worry that she’s never really had a chance to succeed, and it’s all my fault for not doing more. I worry that we won’t be able to afford the transfer to a four-year University when the time comes.
I worry that choices I made in the past about people, places, events, and opinions will affect her future.
I’m afraid of always being in debt and never being solvent. Of not being self-sufficient. Of being a burden to those around me and never being able to pay it back, or pay it forward.
I’m worried that I won’t always be able to write well. To share my thoughts, my stories, my inspirations.
And I’m worried that I will.
I’m afraid that I’ll be successful and it will change everything.
I’m afraid that my past will always haunt me. That certain people will try to sabotage me and tell me I’m not good enough. I worry about expending more energy into proving them wrong than doing things right. I’m afraid the wrong people will care and the right ones won’t.
I’m afraid of the freedoms that being a Good Writer means: publication. Payments. Solvency. Recognition. Freedom to move, to travel, to explore. Obligations to work and opportunities to play.
The chance to be balanced. To give my family a future.
To live. To live the life I have planned.
I’m afraid of trying because I’m afraid of failure. But I’m also afraid of never trying.
I worry about saying, “I don’t know what to do,” and being laughed at. I’m afraid of being mocked.
I’m afraid of being alone.
And never being heard.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
This post is linked up with Shell at
Did you say you have been hit by a car 10X?!!!
Hugs, Molly Jo!!!
People with big brains and hearts worry a lot.
Ann recently posted..Lawn Mower
Yes, it’s true. And not one of them was my fault except the very first and even then it was 50-50 as it was raining and the car in front of me stopped a little too quickly.
It’s hard, I understand, I can relate. We don’t share the same fears, but I experience those laundry lists of what if’s and fears of my own daily. You are gifted with words, you are gifted with being able to express in relate-able real ways that touch the hearts of others…Your words touch my heart! And leave lasting thoughts and impressions on my heart. Thxs Molly.
Thank you, Jess. This means a lot to me.
I have always been a worrier. My late hubby used to tell me to only worry about what I could control, and most stuff you don’t control etc. He was the “calm” to my storm. I have come along way, as I realize that I was able to survive his illness and passing, so this other “stuff” that drives my worries is survivable to…Boy, oh boy do the worries sneak in when it is quiet.
Winnie recently posted..A Note of Cheer
I’ve been told I worry too much, but with the financial struggles and whatnot facing the family this last year, it’s so hard not to. And yes, it happens when it’s quiet.
I am so there with ya girl. I have been afraid all of my life of a lot. It has been only until recently that have mustered courage and been brave enough to take life by the horns and take risks and enjoy the ride. I never imagined I could be here. Anytime I feel fear and doubt I remember what got me here and keep pushing on.
It is normal to feel how you feel… for me its still there but the voice is quieter. Defenses are good and keep us grounded. Stay busy and hug a lot more often. That helps me.
Hang in there!
Alma recently posted..Captain Creates
Thank you, Alma. “Hug a lot more often.” I’ll try my best!
That’s an awful lot of worry, girl!
I’m not one to say don’t worry, but I will say that I’ve found that I have to keep moving forward, in spite of all the worries.
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Gone in an Instant
I know; I’m the proverbial “worry-wart”. It’s not that I don’t have good days; but in the back of my mind… you know. “Keep moving forward”. You got it. Thanks for stopping by!
28 “ Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11
I am a worrier too. And worry is sin (unbelief). We’ve trust Him for the big thing (our salvation), now we have to trust Him in the trials and tribulations, trust Him for all the daily stuff. I’ve been trying to turn my worries over to God. I realize when I’m worrying, my focus is not on Christ Jesus. I’m starting to realize that most of the people and things I worry about, there is nothing I can do about it, or I’m worrying about things that have not happened and may never happen. I have to live my life for today, not what may or may not happen a week, month, year or 10 years down the road. I must focus on Jesus, and trust that I am working towards what He has planned for me, let Him deal with the tomorrows, this way I have rest/peace In Him. Yes, this is much easier for me to say then it is to “not worry”, but when I find myself worrying I pray, I think about Matthew 11, I think about the parable in Mark 4, Philippians 4:19. But it is a struggle not to worry, our flesh wants to do it ourselves, find answers now, but we must strive to trust Christ Jesus for ALL things.
I appreciate your comment, Lori. Thank you for the verses, and for stopping by.
Molly Jo recently posted..Chocolate Heaven (and a Giveaway!)
I think we’ve all had such worries: Christian and non-Christian alike. but none of us were created to carry a spirit of fear. it is bondage: plain and simple. It may prevent you from experiencing the wondrous life that God has planned for you, and from the relationship He would desire with you. And we all do it….that’s why faith is hard. it’s not meant to be easy…..I am not sure why Christians think their life should be easier than anyone elses’. But it certainly should be full of more joy.
When I start to worry and let fear take over, I remember the bible story of Jesus in the boat with His disciples and the storm. Do you know what I find interesting about that story? The Jesus calmed His disciples spirits first……and then calmed the storm. Interesting, no?
If you want a good bible study that deals with overcoming things like fear, loneliness, anger, etc. etc. that would hold us captive, try Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free”. I found it really helpful.
God Bless and Peace be with you!
Rorybore recently posted..Legally Pissed
Rorybore, thank you! I love Beth Moore studies. I will definitely look into this one.
Molly Jo recently posted..Chocolate Heaven (and a Giveaway!)