Oct 8, 2018 |
by Molly Jo Realy @MollyJoRealy
Hey, y’all! Long time, no blog, yah? I know. What can I say? It’s been a fantastical year. And, as you know I’m fond of quoting Al Jolson, “Honey. You ain’t heard nothin’ yet.”
So, forgive the teasing title of this post. Really I can’t share all the news right now. But because I haven’t blogged in a few months, your email inbox may start to think of me as spam, and while I am a bit of a salty treat, I’m not talking lunch meat.
You’ll also note there are no graphics or links in this post. That’s a better way to get to your main inbox for starters.
So, please, y’all. Add Frankly, My Dear . . . to your address book so you won’t miss what’s coming. Over the next week or so, I’ll send out a few pre-posts. Just enough to get your email to like me again. And then I’ll tell all y’all the deets. (That’s slang for details, Mom. But, you know. We talk. So I’m pretty sure you already know.)
And Frankly, My Dear . . . That’s all she wrote!
(at least for now.)
With a sly grin and a full notebook,
Happy Anticipation.
~Molly Jo
Nov 29, 2017 |
by Molly Jo Realy @MollyJoRealy
I’ve been thinking about this for a while, now. And I’ve been wanting to write this, but not wanting to ruffle feathers.
Frankly, My Dear . . . : There’s a Difference
The Rolling Stones tell us we can’t always get what we want, and they must be right. So, with a big gulp and a steady voice, I’m going to be uncharacteristically vocal about a hot button news topic.
Now, I know I’m not a superstar. I don’t have celebrity status and my opinion is just that- my opinion. I don’t expect CNN or Newsweek to call me up for an interview and suddenly realize what I say is life altering. It’s not.
But it is worth saying.
At least, I think so.
Y’all ready?
Here it is:
There’s a difference between harassment and assault
and we need to treat them differently.
You know how it is. Most of the time, you lump things together and they all begin to look alike. Even when they’re not. Chili takes on a brown-red hue even when there’s white beans and corn in the mix. A field of flowers still looks mostly green. And a proud peacock strutting his feathers for attention looks just like the one next door.
The news is full of horrific events and attitudes. Full of “those men” doing terrible things to women and substories of people who knew but didn’t do anything. People who opted more for their bottom line than integrity.
And I think we’re doing a disservice to our young men and women by paying so much attention to them without much clarification.
Let me state, as loud and as clear as I possibly can:
IT IS NEVER OKAY FOR SOMEONE TO INAPPROPRIATELY TALK TO, TOUCH, OR HURT SOMEONE ELSE.
But how do we even know what “inappropriate” means any more? The media is full- full– of blatant sex. Gunfire. Anger management issues. Disrespect. We watch movies and TV all the time where assaults (verbal, emotional, physical, and spiritual) are the norm. And yes. There are men- good men– who have a label against them because some under-aged girl presented herself as an adult. Healthy, self-respecting, “old-fashioned” people are ridiculed for holding their ground.
We teach others all the time that casual sex is okay, and that sometimes “these things happen”. That time holds no consequence. But we’re wrong.
We live in a “Do as I say, not as I do” society.
Stories about about assault, abuse, and relationship violence and the fictional tales almost always have someone coming to the rescue. But it doesn’t always happen that way. Sometimes, we need to find our own way out. #metoo
We live in a world where it’s common to hear the F-bomb in public, where people smoke dope and give no regard to others. And no respect to themselves. Adults call children names I don’t even want to think. “But it’s okay,” they say. “It’s just a joke.” Folks, there’s a difference between joking and being inappropriate.
Is it just a joke when a man touches a woman against her will? Is it just a joke when we diminish the respect we should give others? Is it just a joke when we no longer seek out strong leading role models but instead lump them all together with a head-shaking sigh? Is it a joke when we forget there are still some really good guys and girls out there?
When we don’t respect ourselves as a society, how can we be surprised when our society is collapsing?
Are we telling our girls to misinterpret any tenderness a man may show? Does opening doors for a woman mean he’s going to attack her? If I let my neighbor say hello, does that invite him to call me vicious names? Are we so afraid of being assaulted that we can’t see when someone is just being nice? Because there’s a difference, and we need to learn it. We need to keep our guard up and let the walls crumble at the same time.
Thanks, society. *insert any sarcastic remark here*
Is it a joke when we forget to emulate what Good Character is, to the next generation?
Or are we generations too late? Has the damage already been done to our moral fabric without hope of mending? Did we lose it when we stopped filtering the songs we listen to or the movies we watch? Did we lose it when we started making excuses for ourselves under the guise of asking forgiveness? Because there’s a difference! We can’t be so complacent or afraid of our failings, that we can’t stand up against them!
STAND, PEOPLE! STOP DROWNING!
I fear we’re drowning in a society that glorifies bringing down someone else. I fear that the sexual assault news may be, for a very few, a bandwagon to jump on; and this discourages me greatly because I want women to stand up for themselves and be supported without having to worry that the woman next to them is just in it for the headlines or a cash settlement. I fear we’re encouraging our young women to accept assault and harassment as a way of life, and our young men to accept they will get blamed no matter what they do.
Mostly I want there to stop being a difference between men and women outside of marriage and family. Friendships, workforce, society. It shouldn’t matter if you’re male or female. It should only matter if you’re competent and respectful.
There’s a difference between a youthful mistake and a pattern of behavior. I’m grateful for those who are standing up to say the behavior is no longer welcome. I’m saddened so many had to endure before anyone took notice.
Kudos to Taylor Swift for standing up against a former radio show host. She wasn’t in it for any reason other than to stand up for other women, to embolden them to do the same. She was awarded a single dollar in damages.
I’m also afraid, as a society, the “us” versus “them” is coming to a head where women are no longer able to or allowed to respect men.
The older I get, the more aware I become that it is, indeed, a man’s world. But as the song goes, he wouldn’t be nothing without his woman.
We need to work together. We need to raise our children and ask them, strengthen them, embolden them to take this yoke upon them and straighten things out. We need to apologize to future generations for not being what we need to be for them. For us.
We need to find our way back to being the united people we’re supposed to be.
Don’t let a few bad men overshadow the good ones.
I swear there are good people still out there.
We just need to look for them differently.
And maybe ruffle a few feathers while doing so.
TWEET THIS: There’s a Difference. @MollyJoRealy #metoo
And Frankly, My Dear . . . : That’s all she wrote!
Mar 5, 2012 |
Just a side note posting, but does anyone else feel the same way?
It seems that last week was just crazy. Personally, I was busier that usual with the extra job searching (NOT complaining, just crossing fingers and praying!); we had seriously bitter cold winds for days; and all the tragic news that kept me glued to the television: TJ Lane, the constant tornadoes and heavy storms, and the death of Davy Jones. There were very few moments when I wasn’t watching news or The Weather Channel.
And to top it off, there’s a stray cat that loves to come around. At night. And instigate some window lashing from our Sparkles cat who has personally appointed herself to be our Sentry. If it wasn’t so consistent and sleep-depriving, it’d be adorable the way she softly cries then growls then tries to crash through the window in her efforts to ward off the outsider. If it wasn’t so consistent and sleep-depriving.
The Meal Memo is really working out; we’re eating better, and having more fun doing it! And scheduling the meal has worked out great so far, allowing us more time to just be together as a family.
So while the world is in upheaval, my home life is stabilizing.
But still… I’m glad last week is over.
Mostly because it means a new one is beginning, and so far, it’s a blank slate.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
Feb 28, 2012 |
Remember when we were young and our imaginations let us be anyone, say anything, go anywhere? We held an altruistic view of life. We played Hide-and-Seek. Tag. Used crayons more than pencils. We jumped on the furniture and clung to walls so we wouldn’t get burned by the floor that had become lava in our minds. The only dangers were those we chose to create.
A friend was a friend. We had differences, we disagreed, we even quarreled now and then. But we were still friends. Our families were our safety nets and the place to try out new attitudes before going out in public. (“Seriously, you want to wear that to school today?!”) We knew our community was a safe place. We could walk to the corner market without adults, without being afraid. And we colored the world with rose-colored glasses.
What happened? It seems the world I live in now is full of darkness. People telling me I can’t make up my own mind. That I don’t always know what’s best for me and my family. That I just don’t understand how things should be done.
I don’t like to stir the waters. I don’t want to offend people or ignite fires when there needn’t be any. I respect opinions and others’ rights to think and feel. I like to keep the very important opinions to myself and my family.
Pick a topic, and the variety of responses are as abundant as there are people: Love, Hate, Tolerate, Accept, Disagree…
Politics.
Abortion.
Religion.
Economy.
Food.
Animals.
Love.
Parenting.
Working.
Playing.
Praying.
What I don’t get, is the two main thinking patterns that seem to be infiltrating our media today. The first is, if I disagree with you, I must be wrong. Period. The second is, in order to keep the peace, I must placate everyone. Everyone. Not just a few. Not just the majority. Everyone.
Being “politically correct” seems to mean we just don’t rock the boat. But sometimes the boat needs rocking. Sometimes we’re in stagnant waters and we need to fight our way upstream or get stuck. We’re so busy making sure everyone on the ship is having a good time that we don’t see the rocks we’re heading for.
I don’t mind honoring the rights of others, as long as it doesn’t mean taking away my own rights in order to do so. There’s a permeating sense of selfishness in the world today; a lack of personal responsibility; a lean towards entitlement. People wants what they want, when they want, how they want. And the louder the grumpy ones get, the more noticed they get.
It’s the quiet peacemakers that don’t make the headlines. The ones who we don’t pay attention to, who are really suffering. The outspoken ones, whether right or wrong, are the ones who get the attention.
We can’t trample on the rights of the few, so let’s suffocate our own rights in their place. It hurts someone’s feelings to be that honest, so let’s tell little white lies.
We live in a “One Size Fits All” World Market. The problem with that is, I’m not a world traveler. And I’m pretty sure my clothes aren’t the same as yours.
I think it does a great disservice when I see a trend in children’s sports to “reward” everyone. What are we teaching our children? That there are no real losers. That it’s okay if you don’t try hard enough, you’ll still be praised. Encouragement is fantastic. We all need it. But in order to have real winners, there has to be real losers.
We’re told to learn from our mistakes, to grow, but then we’re told our mistakes don’t really matter. So does it matter if we learn? Or can we just keep on doing the same things over and over, not really changing? Alcoholics Anonymous calls that the definition of insanity. How’s that for politically correct?!
People watch and read the news everyday, and are waiting for someone else to make things better, to come save the day. We’ve forgotten how to be our own Super Hero. Conflicts, falling economics, rising unemployment, hatred, racism, intolerance, attacks. Bloodshed. And some people are using any means possible to manipulate the masses. I see a lot of blame. A lot of scapegoats and excuses and finger-pointing. I don’t see a lot of responsible leadership.
Fear tactics are becoming a favorite of mainstream media. Story after story about how things are going to be. Not might be. Not could be. Are. As if we have no choice.
And we’re being trained like Pavlov’s dogs to just roll over and take it.
No wonder neighborhoods don’t know each other, trust each other. People are out to protect their own. We’re kicking in those survival instincts and taking care of ourselves. And only ourselves.
Community isn’t what it used to be.
But I refuse to believe I can’t make a difference. And I refuse to believe my opinion doesn’t count. Mostly, I refuse to believe that my corner of the world is going to hell in a handbasket because I choose to use common sense over false friendliness.
There are good and bad choices. There are better and worse things in life. There are black and white situations. And in between there is a lot of gray.
I don’t have the answers, but I don’t think any one person or group does. And I don’t think they should. I think we all contribute to the goodness around us. Or at least, I think we can, if we try. If we remember, we’re all in this together. For the good of the community. If we remember, that sometimes, not always, but sometimes, it is about them instead of us.
What goes around, comes around.
I’m gonna try to color my world a little better from now on. Don’t you dare tell me to stay inside the lines!
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!
