Overwhelmed

Dec 18, 2012 | 4 comments

I’m overwhelmed. I admit it. I was told tonight, “It’s good to see you smiling again,” and I wondered how long had I not been smiling?

I’m finding my Happy Place again. Traveling deeper on that path. There’s a better sense of better in my household. Dot’s registered for her second semester of college. College! I’m still working my day job. I’ve worked out a writing schedule with Megan, and for myself. It’s time to keep track of that date book I tend to ignore.

And I can see how I overworked myself this summer, and am determined to not do it again. It’s funny how cutting back on some things can actually make life seem more hectic.

I’m a creature of stability, of structure. Change harasses me instead of helps me. But we’re learning to coexist. I can’t put my finger on it, but lately I’m beginning to realize how I need to change in order to spread my wings. I can see how to accomplish what I want to accomplish, and that means change. Slowing down. Turning around. And sometimes, stopping.

Working a full time job, this full time job, really keeps me busy. No cell phones allowed. No personal calls. No personal computer use. It’s great. She doesn’t pay me to twiddle my thumbs. I’m actually earning a living. Or trying to. Right now, I’m still learning how to earn. There’s so much to know, so much involved with learning the office procedures and doing the job I was hired to do and learning how to do it better… It’s wonderful. And busy. And even if she allowed it, I’d have no time for personal calls or personal computer time.

So I work a full day, come home, and work here. At Bedford Manor. I cook. We clean. We eat. We spend a few hours together then we each go to bed for a few hours of sleep.

I don’t like sleeping. It’s a waste of time. Oh, the things I could accomplish if my body didn’t require sleep! The books would be written by now. The correspondence course, finished. The first popover recipe made. The books on the shelf read. All this and more.

I find myself keeping a tighter schedule. Less frittering away two hours a day. More intentional time well spent. It’s easier to say “no” than it was two months ago.

You know those movies when the main character is walking up to some huge door, alone? And you just know Something Good is on the other side, but getting up those steps is half the battle?

That’s what this is. It’s the battle. And it’s over.

I’m knocking on that door. I’m pushing it open. Letting the light pour out and the fresh air in.

I’m overwhelmed with how big this world is, and how I’m just starting to discover it. Things I didn’t think were possible are starting to happen. Results I never thought I’d see are being seen by many. My home is peaceful tonight. And my world is expanding.

It’s breathtaking. A little unnerving.

And utterly unmissable.

And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!

It Finally Feels Like Christmas
My Popover Project
Sweeten my tea and share:

4 Comments

  1. Winnie
    Winnie on December 18, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Add the holidays, and other factors and you have a lot on your plate. Learning a new job and routine takes time and eventually it will become second nature to you. Just take it as it comes with your usual kindness and fun witt and you will be fine. I am off this week trying to regroup myself. Nothing done and not having any holiday fun either. Work very very busy and the commute has been a nightmare since Sandy. I am checking lotto tickets on the weekend..ha ha. Be well my blogging friend.
    Winnie recently posted..Small Christmas Gift TagsMy Profile

  2. Sylvia
    Sylvia on December 20, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Hi Molly Jo! I do imagine that even adjusting from not working and having more time to working and having less time for other things is overwhelming.
    I remember when my husband went through a period of unemployment he was looking forward to having more time for home improvement projects-but the reality was that there was no money for doing them. If you’ve got the time, you don’t have the money and vice versa. Praying that you’ll get used to the new pace and procedures quickly. And have a glorious holiday!
    Sylvia recently posted..Thankful Thursday: 12/20/25My Profile