I’m overwhelmed. I admit it. I was told tonight, “It’s good to see you smiling again,” and I wondered how long had I not been smiling?
I’m finding my Happy Place again. Traveling deeper on that path. There’s a better sense of better in my household. Dot’s registered for her second semester of college. College! I’m still working my day job. I’ve worked out a writing schedule with Megan, and for myself. It’s time to keep track of that date book I tend to ignore.
And I can see how I overworked myself this summer, and am determined to not do it again. It’s funny how cutting back on some things can actually make life seem more hectic.
I’m a creature of stability, of structure. Change harasses me instead of helps me. But we’re learning to coexist. I can’t put my finger on it, but lately I’m beginning to realize how I need to change in order to spread my wings. I can see how to accomplish what I want to accomplish, and that means change. Slowing down. Turning around. And sometimes, stopping.
Working a full time job, this full time job, really keeps me busy. No cell phones allowed. No personal calls. No personal computer use. It’s great. She doesn’t pay me to twiddle my thumbs. I’m actually earning a living. Or trying to. Right now, I’m still learning how to earn. There’s so much to know, so much involved with learning the office procedures and doing the job I was hired to do and learning how to do it better… It’s wonderful. And busy. And even if she allowed it, I’d have no time for personal calls or personal computer time.
So I work a full day, come home, and work here. At Bedford Manor. I cook. We clean. We eat. We spend a few hours together then we each go to bed for a few hours of sleep.
I don’t like sleeping. It’s a waste of time. Oh, the things I could accomplish if my body didn’t require sleep! The books would be written by now. The correspondence course, finished. The first popover recipe made. The books on the shelf read. All this and more.
I find myself keeping a tighter schedule. Less frittering away two hours a day. More intentional time well spent. It’s easier to say “no” than it was two months ago.
You know those movies when the main character is walking up to some huge door, alone? And you just know Something Good is on the other side, but getting up those steps is half the battle?
That’s what this is. It’s the battle. And it’s over.
I’m knocking on that door. I’m pushing it open. Letting the light pour out and the fresh air in.
I’m overwhelmed with how big this world is, and how I’m just starting to discover it. Things I didn’t think were possible are starting to happen. Results I never thought I’d see are being seen by many. My home is peaceful tonight. And my world is expanding.
It’s breathtaking. A little unnerving.
And utterly unmissable.
And Frankly, My Dear… that’s all she wrote!